Strange search-engine queries (578)

A couple thousand people wander onto this site every week, and you have to figure they’re not all here to listen to me complain about corporate average fuel economy or wax lyrical about some starlet’s dazzling legs. They’re looking for something, and looking at those somethings is what we do on a Monday morning.

little fat yogurt girl shit outside street porn:  Which is not to say that we necessarily enjoy looking at those somethings.

fakelike:  For when full fake is overkill.

in the excerpt, which concept causes the downfall of humanity?  The one where persons of no recognizable merit are handed the reins of power.

frickin frack:  What she said after the earthquake rattled her home in the oil patch.

in this stanza, prufrock repeats “do i dare?” three times. what does the repetition indicate about his state of mind? he is indecisive. he is worried about the stairs. he is adventurous. he wants to be on time:  And he’s afraid of drooling peach juice down his vest.

upskirts vaccine varied:  I don’t think they give shots for that.

brenda is always ready with a story to tell about performance in her area. unfortunately, brenda sometimes leaves out important facts and makes statements that cannot be corroborated. brenda is delivering:  Her bid to succeed Sean Spicer as White House Press Secretary.

“marlboro” “smut”:  The third-largest export of Marlboro Country, following tobacco and emphysema.

crossdresser fingering:  So long as he keeps it to himself.

handful of singles:  What’s left of your savings account.

paul savage purchased a restaurant named burger haven from larry jones. the purchase would cause the number of reporting entities to:  Go somewhere else for lunch.

48 hour psychiatric hold:  After which you will be released into the wild once more.

who is judge jeanine pirro’s plastic surgeon:  I have no idea, but surely he deserves a raise.

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Somewhat angrier birds

Down 3-0 in the season series, the New Orleans Pelicans came to Oklahoma City with a chip on their collective shoulder and a new non-secret weapon: DeMarcus Cousins, recently arrived from Sacramento. Cousins is as surly as ever — the only NBA player so far this season to be suspended for too many technicals, he got T’d up once more tonight. Not that anyone noticed, there being six other techs tonight. And it was a close one, the Birds up three after the first quarter, a 59-all tie at the half, the Thunder up three after the third. Cousins proved to be as wily as ever, drawing double- and even triple-teams, leaving superstar forward Anthony Davis all alone to knock ’em down. And knock ’em down Davis did. Still, things were fierce going both ways, and both Cousins and Andre Roberson wound up getting broomed after six fouls, which didn’t make the windup any quieter; it took an even hairier than usual performance from Russell Westbrook — 41 points, 11 rebounds, 11 assists — to finally put away the Pels, 118-110. Of those 41 points, 21 came in the fourth quarter.

Before Cousins fouled out — Westbrook, of course, drew that foul — he’d rung up 31 points, including 15 of 15 from the stripe. Davis went 15-28 for 38 points. Didn’t leave much for the other Pelicans, but such is the way of the team with two very strong players. (Like, for instance, the Thunder through last season.) Enes Kanter was much closer to form, with 20 points and 9 boards; Steven Adams did the double-double with 13-10. And there were a lot of free throws: 37 on either side, with New Orleans bagging 30, the Thunder 28.

Tuesday night, the Jazz, who lead the Northwest Division by three games, will come to OKC. Anything can happen in Thunder-Jazz, and more often than not, it will. Just you wait.

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Apple Bloom says get with it

Life is too short to spend wallowing in depression, says a 17-year-old singer/actress:

While we’re at it, let’s get a second opinion:

I suspect The Truth Is Somewhere In Between.

(Slightly salty language in the second video.)

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Living on Texas time

I don’t think I’d mind it so much:

Rep. Jason Isaac (R-Dripping Springs) has filed House Bill 2400 to abolish Daylight Saving Time.

“Imagine that it’s 2017 and lawmakers have for the first time proposed arbitrarily changing our clocks twice a year. They would be publicly ridiculed!” Rep. Isaac stated. “The fact is, Daylight Saving Time is an antiquated regulation that no longer serves our state’s needs.”

Numerous studies have suggested that Daylight Saving Time changes lead to an increase in car accidents and heart attacks. This is in addition to lost productivity due to sleep cycle disruptions causing fatigue, decreased alertness, decreased motivation, and tardiness.

“Daylight Saving Time has become an annoyance at best and a burden to our state at worst,” Rep. Isaac continued.

And if Texas does enact this measure, there will finally be actual pressure on Oklahoma to do likewise.

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Pieces of the action

So your car is a wreck. Wait until you see what else happens to you:

About twelve hours after you are the not-at-fault party in a car crash, no matter how minor, you will start getting calls from attorneys, body shops, and “official accident centers” that just happen to be affiliated with a local chiropractor. About thirty-six hours after the fact, you’ll start getting mail from various interested parties.

Ten days after a cheerful harmonica player and recreational marijuana enthusiast bopped his Mazda2 into my Accord, I’ve yet to hear from Liberty Mutual, the insurance company of said fellow. Well, that’s the way of the free market, ain’t it?

Afraid so. And where I live — I suspect it’s probably similar where you are — daytime television is loaded with advertising for those attorneys, ranging from blandly misinformative to borderline offensive:

Well, he isn’t bland.

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Where the dollars might be

Amazon sent me this list yesterday, suggesting I might want some or all of these items:

Various Trump-related items from Amazon

“This is how you get more Trump,” warns Glenn Reynolds.

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Beyond blonde

Joan Blondell first appeared on stage in the winter of 1906-07, aged four months. (She was an infant in a cradle; she had no actual lines to learn.) Fortunately, no one remembered her, so when she decided to strike three years off her age, changing her birth date to 30 August 1909, there was no outcry.

In 1930, she starred on Broadway with James Cagney (!) in the short-lived Penny Arcade, which lasted long enough to be her ticket to Hollywood, where it became the feature film Sinners’ Holiday. This was before the Production Code, so Blondell found herself playing some occasionally salacious roles.

Joan Blondell rejected!

Joan Blondell in 1933

Joan Blondell places a call

Did I say “salacious”? Here’s Joan with Barbara Stanwyck in Night Nurse (1931), in which there’s an awful lot of lingerie on display:

Blondell died on Christmas Day 1979; her last appearance was in the 1981 The Woman Inside, playing the perplexed aunt of a Vietnam vet who’s contemplating sexual-reassignment surgery. Not at all salacious, of course.

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A decision lacking balls

I think I hate this more than I hate the designated-hitter rule. [Warning: autostart video.]

As part of its initiative to improve the pace of game play, Major League Baseball has approved a change to the intentional walk rule, going from the traditional four-pitch walk to a dugout signal, it was announced Wednesday.

MLB has studied various ways to quicken games.

ESPN’s Jayson Stark reported earlier this month that MLB had made formal proposals to the players’ union to usher in raising the strike zone and scrapping the practice of lobbing four balls toward home plate to issue an intentional walk.

Getting rid of the old-fashioned intentional walk would eliminate about a minute of dead time per walk. In an age when intentional walks actually have been declining — there were just 932 all last season (or one every 2.6 games) — that time savings would be minimal. But MLB saw the practice of lobbing four meaningless pitches as antiquated.

If they were always meaningless, then maybe. But sometimes they aren’t.

Nor is this the only Bad Idea in circulation before spring training:

There is apparently some proposal afoot to make baseball games more palatable and exciting for the 140-character limit crowd by starting off any extra innings with a runner on second.

This is plainly blasphemy, as baseball is one of those games that is rather deliberately not bounded by time. Like a tennis match, a baseball game takes as long as it takes.

These ideas are so horrid it’s amazing that Bud Selig didn’t think them up himself.

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Fuels rush in

“Hey, wise man! You coming in?

“Oh, hell no. What kind of fool do you think I am?”

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So click it already

I winced just a little at this:

Then again, I haven’t ended a post that way in five years.

(We’ll forget the post I titled thusly.)

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Going before the voters

California has a ballot initiative for statewide single-payer health care, and in terms of ballot language, it is admirably clear. Senate Bill 562, if you please:

The people of the State of California do enact as follows:

SECTION 1. This act shall be known, and may be cited, as the Californians for a Healthy California Act.

SEC. 2. (a) The Legislature finds and declares all of the following:

    (1) All residents of this state have the right to health care. While the federal Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act brought many improvements in health care and health care coverage, it still leaves many Californians without coverage or with inadequate coverage.

    (2) Californians, as individuals, employers, and taxpayers have experienced a rise in the cost of health care and health care coverage in recent years, including rising premiums, deductibles, and copays, as well as restricted provider networks and high out-of-network charges.

    (3) Businesses have also experienced increases in the costs of health care benefits for their employees, and many employers are shifting a larger share of the cost of coverage to their employees or dropping coverage entirely.

    (4) Individuals often find that they are deprived of affordable care and choice because of decisions by health benefit plans guided by the plan’s economic needs rather than consumers’ health care needs.

    (5) To address the fiscal crisis facing the health care system and the state, and to ensure Californians can exercise their right to health care, comprehensive health care coverage needs to be provided.

(b) It is the intent of the Legislature to enact legislation that would establish a comprehensive universal single-payer health care coverage program and a health care cost control system for the benefit of all residents of the state.

Okay, that name is terrible. And “rights,” at least the way I learned about them in school, simply exist; they can’t be created out of whole cloth by mere humans.

Still, the Trump administration’s executive order calling for killing off Obamacare also calls for the Feds to “provide greater flexibility to states and cooperate with them in implementing health care programs,” and I figure that if Californians really, truly want this, whatever it might cost them in the long run, I can’t think of any good reason why they shouldn’t have it.

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New look, sort of

The Thunder this week looked mostly like the Thunder last week, but there were some marked differences. For one, Enes Kanter was back in the lineup. For another, the most recent act of Prestidigitation brought the team Taj Gibson and Doug McDermott (and a draft pick, but you won’t see that for a while), while Joffrey Lauvergne, Anthony Morrow and Cameron Payne were dealt to the Bulls. And just to confound matters, Alex Abrines got the start at shooting guard, filling in for Victor Oladipo, who complained of back spams. (I don’t blame ya, VO; if I had ’em, I’d complain too.) Expected result: Sr. Abrines collects a career high, 19 points. Unexpected result: Andre Roberson collects a career high, also 19 points. And the Lakers, not privy to any of this maneuvering, did what they usually do these days: they lost on the road. Oklahoma City 110, Los Angeles 93, the season series is finished at 3-1, and perhaps we’ll have some happy pundits in town.

The two ex-Bulls acquitted themselves well, with Gibson picking up 12 points and McDermott eight. (Not so well: Kanter, a little rusty after a month off, with four.) Oh, and there was another Russell Westbrook triple-double: 17-18-17. The shocker, though, was Roberson, who hit eight of nine shots including all three 3-pointers. (Although, to remind you he’s still Dre, he missed both his free throws.) The Lakers had some offense to fling, much of it supplied by D’Angelo Russell, with a game-high 29, albeit on 26 shots. Jordan Clarkson came off the bench for 14 more. L.A. did not shoot well overall, landing just short of 40 percent and nailing only seven 3-pointers out of 35 tries. They did, however, pull off 15 steals (four by Russell), and they blocked eight shots. (OKC: nine steals, seven blocks.)

For the first game after the All-Star break, “not horrible” is satisfactory. The Pelicans, who arrive Sunday, will likely put up more of a fight.

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Land yachts at six o’clock

Those were the days, muses Joe Sherlock:

Almost every luxury vehicle manufacturer offers a top-of-the-line limousine-like sedan. Sixty years ago, people actually bought them in fair quantities. Today, not so much because the market has moved away from sedans to SUVs.

Into this shrinking mix is tossed the 2017 Cadillac CT6, which — inexplicably — comes standard with a four-cylinder engine. Timothy Cain recently tested one fitted with a more appropriate twin-turbo V6, making 404 horsepower and fitted to an eight-speed automatic. The Cadillac CT6 3.0TT Luxury model is priced north of $75,000. For that kind of money, it should have a better moniker than CT6.

Tell that to Johan de Nysschen, who screwed up Infiniti badges before starting on Cadillac’s. What would Joe Sherlock call this Caddy?

I would suggest something like “Outta my Way, Peasants”.

My late brother, who drove a baby-blue Sedan de Ville and visibly resented his lovely bride’s Nissan Altima, would have appreciated that.

Still, what the hell is wrong with “Fleetwood”?

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Everyday routine drones

The idea, at first, was to deliver packages to faraway places with drones. Now UPS is thinking closer to home:

After first testing the idea of using drones to deliver packages to extra remote locations, UPS is making its move into more residential skies with octocopters that can be launched from roving trucks.

The company says it successfully tested the HorseFly drone yesterday in Lithia, FL, along with the company that built both the drone and the electric UPS vehicle that launches it, Workhorse Group.

The drone docks on the roof of the delivery truck, and a cage suspended beneath it extends through a hatch into the vehicle. A driver on the inside loads a package into the cage, presses a button on a touch screen, and sends the drone flying on a preset autonomous route to its destination.

The drone has limitations: 10 pounds of cargo, 30 minutes of flying time. (When docked, the drone recharges.)

I worry that some aggrieved semi-suburban type will try to shoot the damn things down, as though they were skeet.

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Up seven notches

Progress continues:

The Great Divide reaches Number 42 on Billboard's Dance Music Chart

Meanwhile, it’s back to the covers, this time a song first recorded by Katy Perry and released a whole two weeks ago. Whatever else you might say about Rebecca Black, she does pay attention to what The Industry is doing.

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55 horses, no waiting

Renault sold its diminutive 5 in the States as “Le Car,” and perhaps the best thing it had going for it was the name:

Renault Le Car advertisement

Les Cars (why not?) were shipped here for fourteen years, and at least one of them ended up as a police cruiser in Ogunquit, Maine:

[M]ost of the police cars in town were still Plymouth Satellites, or 9C1-equipped Chevrolet Caprices … but it helps to understand that the summer resort town of Ogunquit is jammed with traffic every day from May to October. Parking violations make up the bulk of its crime profile, so a small car, good for darting in and out of traffic and parking almost anywhere, made all the sense in the world.

And one town in Washington State replaced two regular cruisers with three Le Cars. But in semi-stodgy New England?

For years, I tried to explain to people that I knew of a New England town where a Renault Le Car could’ve pulled you over for speeding. I was accused of peddling what would now be described as “alternative facts.”

A newspaper photo of said Renault did eventually turn up.

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