Archive for You Asked For It

Strange search-engine queries (463)

Taylor Swift once wrote a song called “Back to December.” It had nothing whatever to do with this stuff, which is scraped out of the logs in a desperate attempt to find something amusing on a Monday morning.

don alverzo wiki:  You’d think people would check Wikipedia for wiki entries, but maybe not.

2001 mazda 626 and transmission problems:  Go together like a horse and carriage.

dolichocephaly cleese:  Not the lost nephew of John Cleese. I think.

on MTV who got Punk’d when they were told there’d $250,000 Porsche was stolen:  Not the lost nephew of John Cleese. I think.

jordache lard ass jeans:  Not actually made by Jordache.

pole vault plant box padding:  You might try cutting up some old worn-out jeans.

spearsling:  Britney’s daughter — some day.

rebecca romijn body paint see:  This is why Sports Illustrated has a swimsuit issue.

calf falsies:  Raw material for Mystery Veal.

nice japanese daddy:  He’ll wear the Hello Kitty sweater you bought him, and smile the whole time.

SupraModem 2400:  But was it Hayes-compatible?

well turned ankle:  Good at a fashion show; not so good at an NBA game.

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Strange search-engine queries (462)

Another week goes by, another set of logs is completed, and another round of “Someone actually Googled that?” ensues. By now, you know the drill.

media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com “originals”:  I could see why someone might want to look for the first version of a graphic file, given the potential for copyright issues; how they landed on a page with no actual graphics other than those inherent in the design theme is beyond me.

need to no what the gross weight of a 9azda millieum2.5 engine:  If this is the way you write, God help you working on a modern (well, 1990s) engine.

Horatio Prim and Melody Allen:  Ladies and gentlemen, your Two Thousand Fourteen Homecoming King and Queen!

kabb 29 fox news anorexic anchor:  An unhealthy-looking female anchor? On Fox? Unpossible!

gants shos and chapl style:  Let not mere spelling dissuade you from the pursuit of stylishness.

1918-2011 what year americans pay less so gallon gas pump:  This somehow reeks of radio-station call-in contest. First prize is a gallon of 1918 gas, with an octane rating you would not believe. (Same guy asked this twice, with marginally different wording.)

sheilabilyeu/wiva:  Sheila? Is that you? Come home, all is forgiven.

crossdressing tattoed pierced stories:  I think you’ve tripped the site’s Kink-O-Meter.

what is milfingly milf:  None of your milfing business.

mazda protege 5 with blinking o/d chaged gear to low at hwy:  I believe the applicable phrase is “Sucks to be you.”

what is the new old fashioned way:  Ask Brenda Lee at Bigelow 6-200.

Incidentally, if they ever pass a law requiring that the buyer of a car be able to spell the name on the badge, Mazda is doomed.

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Strange search-engine queries (461)

As God is my witness, I thought turkey could digest by now. While I wait, the usual dyspeptic responses to the week’s odder search strings.

what is hold in automatic gearbox:  Evidence of inability to read the manual.

bulldog smasher lp:  Doesn’t work very well, unless you have some multi-record set like Chicago at Carnegie Hall. Otherwise, the dog just glares at you.

amanda d stanford playboy:  I don’t stock back issues, and anyway her name isn’t Stanford.

mazda 626 2l carb size:  Oh, it’s about yea big.

what does the song red ragtop mean?  If you have to ask, you shouldn’t be out screwing in somebody’s convertible.

how do you adjust the shift patterns on a 2001 ford escape:  If you wanted it to shift where you wanted it to, you should have bought the stick shift, Bunkie.

zooey deschanel thick ankles:  This again? Because it obviously didn’t stop you from trying to look up her skirt.

sexymobi:  I just wonder how many times this scrub had to swipe before getting here, which is as unsexy a place as exists this side of Hudson Bay.

McChrystal “germans bombed pearl Harbour”:  Nor was it over then, I might add.

waterlog in microsoft word:  Hey, you’re lucky it isn’t a backlog.

A British boy, Ayan Qureshi, is now a Microsoft Certified Professional after passing the:  River Styx.

how dare you Glare me meaning:  Let’s just say you’ve been awarded some shade.

the size of dan blocker penis:  Hint: he wasn’t the one who played Little Joe.

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Strange search-engine queries (460)

And here we are again, with another set of Actual Search Strings that brought people to this very site. We do this once a week because frankly it pains us to look through the tediousness of quotidian log entries.

“rob lincoln” “5 cents a song” tongue and groove:  Lincoln’s on the penny, so we’re actually robbing him five times as much.

crackhead hooker in chucktown:  Right now, she’s busy robbing Lincoln.

mangu shep boobs image:  I’m guessing this probably isn’t Old Shep.

penthouse letters pony tales:  Oh, dear, Blueblood’s been writing to Bob Guccione again.

xxx little dashie brothers Sister:  Sorry, we’re not doing pony pr0n here.

favorate hebephilia pictures:  That either.

Sexy Village Girl Very Excited on her First:  Amazing how people can have such specific fantasies and yet are so tediously generic in Real Life.

joanne crawford charged sapulpa:  In a better economy, she could charge as much as Jenks.

mazda fn4a-el how many miles:  How about 300? Is 300 good for you?

old ilfs:  No ilfs of that ilk, sorry.

there was speculation leading up to the november election that some city council members called “Courageous” such as the street user fee:  Nothing of the kind: it requires no courage to invent new taxes.

will a CD4E fit in a 1999 cougar:  Probably, if you can find one that isn’t totally crap.

opposite of nostalgia:  TV Land.

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Strange search-engine queries (459)

We had snow this past weekend, and of course were lectured about it by the same buffoons who blamed us for the “hottest October on record.” Which is one reason I continue to do this series: at least it’s meaningful and verifiable.

www.sexy latrine kapok video com:  Clearly this guy doesn’t understand the implications of the term “latrine.” (Or worse, he does.)

john bair tulsa world hatchet man:  Replaced by a lobbyist, now that the Whirled is owned by Berkshire Hathaway.

xcx roman numerals:  Doesn’t mean a thing, unless your name is Charli.

1986 mazda 626 reliability:  Um, it’s 28 years old. Be grateful it starts.

mazda 626 1988 1992 tyres manual:  Of course they are. There aren’t any automatic tyres to be had anywhere.

green giant jingle source:  Did you check the valley?

bacon helper:  Harrumph. Bacon doesn’t need your help.

plus Matthew will make lives a little easier which includes everyone he challenged as this was the internal Matthew challenge fade which is came about Matthew was:  “Oh, no,” shouted Matthew, backing away. “You’re not gonna drag my name into this!”

justin hayward karaoke bar my funny valentine:  Tuesday afternoon, was it?

live large drive small:  And strive for mediocrity elsewhere.

before bedtime last night, four of veronica’s relatives (including her brother) helped her act out the story of the three bears. veronica played goldilocks and:  Was promptly eaten in the second act, because she was just right.

junk food last supper:  “Judas, did you order the onion rings?”

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Strange search-engine queries (458)

So you were Googling something in the dead of night, and you were hoping no one was noticing. Maybe no one was. Or, you know … not.

describing someone as fiendishly bright:  Certainly Congress doesn’t have anything to worry about.

www.bollywood shamita shetty.sex.com:  Send this guy back to Domain Registration 101.

1987 626 turbo gear ratio:  That’s probably in the manual.

mazda sedan 626 1988 manual:  I don’t think you’ll find a version that works on a Windows Phone.

yuja wang exposed:  We don’t expose any Wangs here if we can help it.

extra turkey program songs-babeee go baby go for serenay sarikaya:  Because that’s what we want above all else: extra turkey.

16th girl sax video free download:  Buy your own porn, ya schmuck.

front and rear car spoiler:  The fronts of most cars are spoiled these days by stupid-looking grille treatments intended as brand display.

gorf galaxian1:  Ah, a traditionalist.

what’s it gonna be merv:  Well? Speak up, Merv, we can’t hear you.

petticoat rule:  I think Merv may be exempt.

what are some reasons that make us save the mummer’s theater in okc:  As of now, none.

uses of fule in dustury:  I don’t know about the rest of you, but I try to keep my tank full of fule.

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Strange search-engine queries (457)

I had, supposedly, one additional hour to prepare this feature. You’d never know it by looking at it.

pertinent in legalese:  Just about everything, but most especially that three-word throwaway clause on page 5 that nobody else noticed.

is it possible to change mazda 626 fuel injector to carburetor:  Anything is possible if you spend enough money. Do you want to put $3000 into a $2000 car?

92 mazda 626 won’t shift into gear:  That can’t be true. Whoever heard of a transmission failing after a mere 22 years?

Yes, I was just 13, you might say I was a Musical proverbial knee-high…  And if you were a transmission, you were still working, because they never, ever fail.

gearbox size 6 inch specification:  Guy probably really has five and a quarter but can’t bear the embarrassment.

a scheer litho lovely playmate:  By all means, dress her up in something scheer.

porno mamo klack alman:  Some people will read anything as long as it’s dirty, I suppose.

thebigdaddy black older sex with teen free:  Some people will read anything as long as it’s dirty and they don’t have to pay for it, I suppose.

nancy snyderman screwed up:  I’m assuming this is the active voice.

mairej @fmail.com:  Well, we told you not everyone was using gmail.

viola davis bow legged:  Yet she’ll crush you like the insect you are.

hln song 2001 atoz:  The only song I ever want to hear on HLN begins “Oh, dear, what can we do? / Nancy Grace left, and we’re feeling blue.”

nina foch pronunciation:  Oh, just foch off already.

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Strange search-engine queries (456)

Hundreds of people drop by this site every week. Sometimes they’re actually looking for something I had to say. And sometimes they’re looking for something else entirely, which may or may not be explainable. Guess which ones land in this space?

explanation of signts on mazda 626 speedometer:  If something’s glowing, you’ve got problems.

faster then my balloot:  I dunno. Some of those balloots are pretty speedy.

china Bus sexymobi:  Doesn’t sound like any Chinese bus I’ve ever heard of.

“with frenulums like these”:  Who needs enemas?

The stoplight had just changed and a 2200kg Cadillac had entered the intersection:  Nice of you to get the curb weight of the vehicle before it hit you.

if you were designing a new luxury car, how would you:  I’d stencil the curb weight on the side, for the benefit of jaywalkers.

actress karina nose is bad at english:  And this is a problem — why, exactly?

Once I Had A Sweetheart Maria Kohnke:  Really? How was her English?

drox cookies:  Either you’re missing part of the name, or you’re stoned out of your gourd.

stamos swim image 1980:  That’s a long time to carry a crush.

tremulous cadence slow:  You might consider throwing her from the balcony.

can a person with a 59 IQ get a drivers license in Oklahoma?  Of course, Senator, but you’ll need the Majority Leader’s signature on your application.

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Strange search-engine queries (455)

What we have here, to be out front about it, is a sampling of search strings that brought people to this very site, and there being over twenty-two thousand pages on said site, it’s surprisingly difficult to construct a search string that can’t land here — which ought to make things easier for me, but seldom does.

will a mazda protege transmission work in a mazda 626:  Won’t work. But go ahead and buy one from the salvage yard. They thrive on stuff like that.

can mazda capella 626 carburator engine be replaced with EFI engine?  Won’t work. But go ahead and buy one from the salvage yard. They thrive on stuff like that.

sexy mature sunbathing with her friends strips to masterbate for them .com:  Mama’s boy never quite grows up, does he?

oklahoma city police drug watch at 625 sw 5 73109:  Yes, guy with iPhone, they’re looking at you.

cute redhead haley walker:  Much more interesting to watch than druggies on SW 5th Street.

dyssynergy dresses:  So badly accessorized that not even cute redheads can wear them.

hot weman that show it all oklahoma:  Is this one of those druggies down on 5th Street?

bollocks past tense:  Never mind the bollocks, unless they’ve been tense for at least four hours; then seek medical attention.

“she only wants to be friends” -ex:  Could she possibly make it any more obvious? Just don’t let it affect the bollocks.

soulmate “previous commitment” “nine years”:  “The one I love,” sang Mr Sinatra, “belongs to somebody else.” So it’s not like you’re experiencing something new and different. Check your bollocks.

phishing amazon canceled:  Oh, yeah, like that’s gonna happen.

or you’ll go the way of the USSR: lots of tanks but no air conditioning:  I hear Siberia is very [redacted] this time of year.

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Strange search-engine queries (454)

In fourteen hundred ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue, and wound up taking a wrong turn at the Bermuda Triangle or something. I am not celebrating today, not so much because I have social-justice warrior bona fides to burnish, but simply because I don’t get a day off. And neither does this regular-ish Monday series.

People in this group wake up..its not yet night:  No compelling reason to get up, especially on a Monday.

yours school plans celebration on childrens day and want students to participate wholeheartedly by displaying craft material and other decorative pieces made by them no. one:  Should be “How come we had to come to school today?”

this grp its very uptight and weak.. i thnk i must change the group name -change the:  First, change the idea that you are in charge of naming the group.

Are there transmission problems with 20 year old Mazda SUVs:  They’re 20 years old. What the hell do you think?

sgt. pepper factoids:  Remember when they said “It was twenty years ago today”? Now it’s sixty-seven.

newsok Anthony Caudill marriage:  So it did not occur to you to go to NewsOK first? They do have a search screen of sorts.

Records that were mixed in mono sound clean:  Yeah, but that’s because nobody did very good stereo mixes early on.

round the twist lady disappear episode:  Eventually, the entire series disappeared.

A poster about yourself “Learn me Better”:  The White House is just crammed full of those.

ginny arnell sings Dumb Head in Japanese:  The Japanese surely understand the concept of “dumb.”

daniel cohn-bendit Carmen Bizet:  Actually, Bizet missed the schemes of Danny the Red, having conveniently died ninety-odd years before the 1968 uprising in France.

what are the dials in the seats of the pagani huayra:  They’re for God to remind you that you’re making too damn much money.

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Strange search-engine queries (453)

It’s time once again for a sampling from this site’s search strings, further demonstrating the wisdom of the not-so-old adage that if something might exist on the Web, someone will be out there looking for it.

xxx video. inseam mobi:  I’m guessing this guy is trying to calibrate his smartphone for upskirt photos.

Does a ghost live on altus airforce base:  “Live” is probably not the correct verb here.

adjured thesaurus:  While you’re poking around in there, see if you can find a verb for the activities of ghosts.

what truth about grant shaud’s privates:  Not for you to know, unless you’re Candice Bergen.

2000 mazda 626 automatic how do you turn off fail safe mode:  You fix the problem that induced the mode in the first place. This should be obvious, even to Candice Bergen.

ford transmission FW5519090:  Will not fit in your damn Mazda. Now get to the shop, and bring your MasterCard.

what problems does 1992 mazda 626 have with automatic transmissions:   Well, among other things, being 22 years old is certainly an issue.

1993 mazda 626 tire size:  You have a ’93 626 with no tires from which you can read the size? (Asking for an ex-friend.)

mazda protege trans wont downshiftafter drriving:  If you’re finished driving (never could roll my Rs all that well), you don’t want it to shift at all.

ice yaris velvet chenille:  If Toyota can upgrade the Corolla, surely they can do the same with the Yaris, though this sounds a bit baroque.

Rebecca Romijn Body Painted:  It’s not like she needs any work done or anything.

what happenned to kali atrox?  Haven’t seen her around.

one is never too old to yearn meaning?  Go away, son. You’re too young to be getting into that sort of thing.

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Strange search-engine queries (452)

The seven-day cycle completes, and with the return of Monday — was anyone actually looking forward to the return of Monday? — comes a fresh(ish) batch of search strings that landed people somewhere in this domain.

Mean Dung Eon.com:  Yeah, this nasty crap has been going on for the longest time.

meatcam:  “Why, yes, this is aged beef. Wanna watch?”

pocket sized New Testaments sith forward by FDR:  It has not yet been proven that FDR was a Sith Lord.

xmen the last stand film actors full nudephotos navel:  Well, yeah, if they’re fully nude, you might expect them to have navels — except maybe Shadowcat, depending on her phase.

nudist publications:  Lot of those out there, though few star the X-Men.

meet depress:  We really need a Bad First Date emoji.

ford cd4e trans wont shift:  Have you done anything unusual lately, like, oh, writing a check to a Ford dealer?

ford probe pulse signal generator:  Have you done anything unusual lately, like, oh, writing a check to a Ford dealer?

why my 1995 mercury mesquite would not shift in overdrive:  Have you done anything unusual lately, like, oh, writing a check to a Lincoln-Mercury dealer? Oh, and it’s “Mystique,” unless you’ve been smoking ribs with it.

“forced labor” “yes master”:  Well, yeah, that’s kind of how it works.

hasselbeck tights sheer:  That’s it, be specific.

is the ong voluntary fixed price plan worth it:  If I could answer that, I’d never again have to post about it, would I?

old nude granny sunbathers on flickr:  Um, those aren’t tan lines.

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Strange search-engine queries (451)

Or, in Celsius, (233), give or take a smidgen. This week’s search strings:

domo arigato visage:  Bet you a dollar it’s really Kilroy.

kaos wife forced to strip:  Max would never allow that to happen to 99.

William saroyan and ross bagdasarian became the brains behind which novelty act:  What some people won’t do to improve their score on some worthless Internet quiz. (And it was the Chipmunks, who have now been together longer than you’ve been alive, for most values of “you.”)

how to fix FN4A-EL:  You’ll need a pen and a checkbook. No chance you can do this on your own.

antediluvian carbon dioxide levels:  What we’re expected to aspire to by the fat cats with the private jets.

jailarity:  What the fat cats with the private jets want to threaten you with for your insufficient deference to their Better Judgment.

2001 mazda 626 auto trans slips is the trans a sealed unit or does it have a dipstick:  If you didn’t find the dipstick, this tells me that you never even tried to open the hood, since it’s pretty damned obvious from above the engine.

swap mazda 6 transmission with 626:  You’ll have to pass the Dipstick Location Test before you can even think about this. (Which, by the way, won’t work.)

tuba Buyukustun and onur saylak in divorce?  Gee, I hope not.

Blogger at Tales From Under the Moonroof:  Her name is Louise. The rest is none of your beeswax.

scrotum flapping:  A noise you might hear in the Capitol if anyone in Congress actually possessed cojones.

www.nineinchespenis.com:  So that’s why everyone’s wanting that bigger iPhone.

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Strange search-engine queries (450)

The number 450 hasn’t a great deal of applicability in real life: for me, it’s the temperature to which I should have preheated the oven instead of 400, but I didn’t notice until I’d already shoved in a full baking sheet. In Canada, it’s the score for a perfect game (twelve consecutive strikes) in five-pin bowling. Anyway, here are this week’s search strings:

“baby duck syndrome” asperger:  This perhaps explains more about the grown-up Donald than Disney had intended.

blurbese:  The language of marketing. Any similarity to English is coincidental and not intended.

scdo 07 latex corset ballet boots:  As seen on People of Wal-Mart.

the wonderful webers:  Not referring to grilles, either.

slightly skewed skateboards of oklahoma:  You know, we wouldn’t have this issue if we had some real sidewalks.

626 capella glx fuel consamptoin:  It’s like “consumption,” only faster.

celia ebert one buckhead loop condo association:  Never met Ms Ebert, but I’ve seen plenty of buckheads thrown for a loop.

the boston rag:  That would be the Globe. (The rival Herald is more of a dustcloth.)

elyse moore diaryland xanga:  Um, did you try Geocities?

martha lasley “clean language”:  Um, did you try Geocities?

cold calculating thinking:  Less common than it used to be, but so are other varieties of thinking.

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Strange search-engine queries (449)

Welcome to Monday. Here’s what you (not you you, necessarily) were looking for last week.

muslims cameltoe:  Not the same thing. They use real camels.

how to set tappets on a mazda 626 1983 model:  Did you consider checking this out with Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers? Because this is, like, their wheelhouse.

hit records that should be in stereo:  These days, all of them. Then again, they’re so loud, who can tell?

rolling stones monaural records:  Practically all of them in the Andrew Loog Oldham days, with the exception of the ones recorded at Chess in Chicago. Then again, they’re so loud, who can tell?

the invisible woman 1983:  Haven’t seen her since.

names of female that can turn invisible:  I warn you, she may not look like her passport photo.

what can i put in my cd4e transmission to quiet the pump:  The proper fluid, for once?

are specialistauthors.com spammers:  No. They’re just hard up for work.

threadbare essentials:  The epitome of shabby chic.

pictures of mature sexy irish tinker women:  Come on now. Be specific.

andrea harris in a thong:  Not a chance. Trust me.

trip to gunnison beach saw penises:  What were you expecting, some sort of Playboy pictorial? Approximately half the population has penises (usually men).

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Strange search-engine queries (448)

Lucky me, I got to fight with a server outage over the weekend, and therefore this week’s entries are not necessarily from, you know, this week. They’re still real, though, even if the links may have expired by now.

textbooks suck:  And not only that, but they cost six times as much as other books that suck.

wraith sentence about 750 to 2500 words using the pronoun i:  I think that I’d find that to be a pretty long sentence, I would, and I think that the wraiths would agree with me.

hes just a man:  You sure he wasn’t a wraith?

why aren’t unfrosted blueberry pop tarts available in california?  I’d guess it’s because they don’t meet emissions requirements. [burp]

publicity plan for a yogurt business:  “No crawly things. Ever.”

bubba the love sponge comments on mexican immigrants on 93.1:  Hey, as long as they aren’t eating up the yogurt.

appraisal of uneconomic remnant real estate parcels by a municipality in condemnation:  “You’re blighted! You hear that? Blighted! We’re gonna tear you down and put in a yogurt business!”

what willbe mybasic income a month as a lpn in new orleans:  About as much as you’d make dishing up frozen yogurt.

what transmission is in my ford probe:  Probably a broken one.

rebate check “positive id required” deposit:  Yeah, they wouldn’t want to hand over a buck-fifty to the wrong person, now would they?

dickweed polish:  Hmmm. I always thought he was Hungarian.

jim cantore boxers briefs:  If it ever gets to the point that we know, there will probably be an evacuation order.

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Strange search-engine queries (447)

The so-called “dog days” of summer are actually of no special interest to dogs; even when it’s ten below outside, they’re just happy to be here. This is a lesson I have yet to learn.

www.2001 mazda valve body cb4e automatc transmission(fits mazda 626):  You really think someone’s going to sell you the valve body separately? Rotsa ruck with that.

problems associated with mazda 626:  Parts shortages due to people constantly searching for them on the Web.

my 1995 GMC suburban flashs its dash and signal lites ever 10 mineta what doos this:  I’d suggest you read your manual, but this might be beyond your capacity. In the meantime, pick up a used Mazda.

invisible woman 1983:  Probably easier to find than random transmission parts.

cd4e fluid out overflow:  Yeah, I suppose if fluid’s coming out of it, that’s an overflow.

grace slick aston martin:  Well, you know, she has funny cars.

chuck’s seed and feed:  You blew the punch line! No wonder nobody got it.

kaiser wilhelm’s batman:  Not to be confused with The Goddamn Batman.

gulliver naughty:  Aw, he was just trying to get a Lilliput.

under ground music various artists circa 1970:  By now, many of them are literally under ground.

rainbow dash thunder lane sex fanfiction:  Oh, he wishes.

filly feelers rainbow dash:  That’s “filly-foolers,” you flankhat.

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Strange search-engine queries (446)

It was never our intention to make you cry on a Monday morning. The guys wielding the tear gas — well, that’s another matter entirely.

where is mazda protege 1987 speed sensor automatic:  A secret that will never be told.

novel about an invisible woman:  You might try Hillary’s Hard Choices. You can barely see her against the framework of excuses, passive-aggressiveness, and sheer downright FUD, and it’s nonfiction mostly because she says it is.

dong resin:  Something you will not find in Hillary’s book.

mx little pony banned From Equestria:  This is true. You want your email in Canterlot, you better have an A record rather than an MX.

instructions for making a magic antidote:  This is why we can’t have nice potions.

is going without hosiery considered gauche?  Only if your bare legs look like they’ve been overlaid with a map of the New York subway system.

cut out song king mack fowler:  Apparently someone was wondering what happened to those two million copies of the soundtrack album of the Sgt. Pepper’s movie.

major pain diaz:  I think I served under him during World War 2.5.

tonight you can do anything you want eharmony:  Not a chance. What if I have a date or something?

who make sifry fried onion at sam hoston pkwy:  Probably some Food Extrusion plant near Secaucus, New Jersey.

audeo vobis non me:  Not quite a double-dog dare, is it?

sextube meta search.app windowslive:  You’d think a Windows phone would have this sort of thing built in.

why is this happening the electronic shift solenoid 2001 mercury cougar all gears pull except drive no trouble codes come up help:  Should I tell him that he has five solenoids in that slushbox?

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Strange search-engine queries (445)

Last week, a couple of thousand people wandered onto this Web site. But only a handful were looking for stuff like this:

generic limerick:  This is not the one that begins “There was an old hermit named Dave…”

girl drinks invisibility potion stories:  And she dies and the medical examiner just shakes his head.

96 mazda 626 transmission bands or plates:  [buzz] “Name two things I can’t possibly fix on my own.”

f3a transmission and tcm wiring:  [buzz] “Name two more things I can’t possibly fix on my own.”

brumstidk in sight:  Initiate evasive actions.

What is recombinant b n a:  The genetic code you must have to be able to change planes in Nashville.

brina flashong hold light on dadh:  You just let your mom worry about that, honeychild.

96 cougar od button:  That’s all we need: somebody OD’ing in a Cougar.

george washington’s axe for sale handle replaced:  Yes, but is it the original blade?

vo tech tanya tucker sussex vo tech nj:  Because if there’s one thing Tanya Tucker reminds you of, it’s vo-tech in New Jersey.

nokia komposer ambulan dan lowbat:  Because, as Weird Al says, “I paid good money for this ringtone.”

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Strange search-engine queries (444)

“Come Monday, it’ll be all right / Come Monday, I’ll be holding you tight…” Well, no. Actually, come Monday, I’ll be posting the wackiest search strings of the week. Have fun in Margaritaville, Jimbo.

“synaptic dump”:  That’s what I’d end up taking if I wound up in Margaritaville.

you can never please anybody in this world:  Sure you can. All you have to do is hate the same people they hate and promise them free government crap.

is it hard to take the top blocks on a 1999 mazda 626 v6 es:  If you have the right tools and a reasonable bit of familiarity with that engine, no. Otherwise, you’re screwed.

fawlty towers resort is still clothing optional:  I think your information is fawlty.

specs 195 55 15:  It’s a tire size, fercrissake. Anything else you need to know, you have to check out the actual tire.

“nice guy syndrome” -manga:  There are no nice guys in anime.

mondeo cd4e servo piston blown out:  Amazingly, there’s no YouTube video showing you how to replace it.

spiel don’t Trey:  Is that like “Homie don’t play that”?

prepaid EarthLink service term will soon expire:  And you let it, or you listen to them try to sell you other stuff for half an hour.

do all mazda 626 have bad transmission:  No, just yours.

first student bus driver hello kitty duct tape:  In contemporary Hollywood, this is what passes for a screen treatment.

preserveness:  That’s what keeps your jam up and jelly tight.

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Strange search-engine queries (443)

Monday morning brings lots of things, not all of which you may have wanted. Which is precisely why we present this brief summation of what sort of crap people were hoping to find at this site last week.

phil spector stereo:  It’s like Grumpy Cat’s holiday weekend. No matter how it turned out, it was awful.

biggify or biggerize:  Depends on the degree of expandage desired.

mazda 626 1987 yaha:  Not to mention whoop-de-doo.

how much carborator manfolt for 626 madza car:  And whoop-de-doo to you too.

naked andrea boehrer:  Who is she, and why is she naked?

how to jumpstart a puberty:  Ask Andrea Boehrer, whoever she is.

Andrea-and-Nolan.rsvpify.com:  And now there’s this Nolan guy? Sheesh.

softly whispering i love you david and jonathan:  Jonathan smiled and said nothing, while David tried to suppress the urge to deck the interloper.

katrena naive sexy ads pechar:  If she thinks sexy ads are going to help her career, she’s probably more naive than we thought.

turd world problems:  Among other things, the occupants are full of crap.

kali atrox:  Is this the woman who’s going to be the new Thor?

donwload dustury:  Bless you, Autocorrect.

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Strange search-engine queries (442)

The 4-4-2 combination looms large in Oldsmobile history. Originally it meant a four-barrel carb, a four-speed stick, and dual exhaust, though time and “improvements” gradually eroded away its significance. Not unlike this weekly feature, in fact.

gao yuanyuan diet:  Just gao ahead and eat whatever yuan damn please.

local girl sex vedio with her name in 1mb or 600kb:  That’s either a very short “vedio” or a very long name.

compilation album Neil young big yellow taxi Joni Mitchell groundhog:  Keep me waiting for this heart of rodent, leave me the birds and the bees.

how do transmission coolers work:  Asks the guy who doesn’t know yet that he needs one.

slightly skewed skateboards of oklahoma:  I blame the sidewalks, or the lack thereof.

Borat and gary jones:  One of the great bromances in the history of the U. S. and A.

aggravated mopery:  See also Robbie Robertson’s plaint: “I’ve just spent sixty days in the jailhouse for the crime of having no dough.”

1996 MAZDA 626 SHIFTING ROUGH:  It’s almost 19 years old. You should be surprised it shifts at all.

what does the automatic transmission linkage clip look like for a 1996 mazda 626:  Why, is it shifting rough or something?

cash for gold 39th may okc:  You can’t miss it, even if you want to.

I have a drainage ditch in my yard whixh is strictly for neighbors water to drain, shouldn’t he be responsible for upkeep?  It’s your yard, Bunkie. Either grant an easement or STFU.

femmes are invisible:  You’re not looking hard enough.

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Strange search-engine queries (441)

Another week goes by, another trip through — and sometimes over — the logs, looking for the search strings that brought you (no, not you, some other you) to this very site.

how to remove cd4e from 2000 mazda 626:  If you have to ask, you don’t have any business trying to do it in your back yard.

The Girl Gets Her Cape Tugged:  If it was Wonder Woman, you’re probably singing an octave higher by now.

mono recording and mixing:  Piece of cake. All you have to do is forget you have 31 (or 63) other tracks at your disposal.

What is tje function of the hold button one a ford gear lever:  I’d suggest you read the manual, but now that I come to think of it, this may be more difficult than I’d have expected. Also, you misspelled “teh.”

peter mulready drugs:  Hmmm. Never seen those at Walgreens.

99 cougar transmission shifts eratic when hot:  Oh. Erratic. I thought you were trying to say something else. (Never know with those Cougars.)

Mane six r34:  Take your clop somewhere else. Oh, and don’t touch the screen.

naked andrea boehrer:  Take your clop somewhere else. Oh, and don’t touch the screen.

what happens when you hold your breath and bite your tongue:  You get a much more entertaining session of the legislature.

vapor barriers NASCAR racing:  The delicate scent of melting tires should keep you from wandering onto the oval.

heir to the massengill fortune:  A perfect query for a summer’s eve.

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Strange search-engine queries (440)

If you’re groggy after the long weekend, well, trust me, you are not alone in your suffering. Fortunately, the Web surfers don’t take the days off, so I still have something to post on Monday morning.

ce inseamna o/d off:  I’ve only known one woman whose inseam seemed to be in overdrive.

mrs butterworth rule:  “Don’t lick the top of the bottle” will do for starters.

1996:  A year in which no one has partied like it’s.

We at the Internal Revenue Service would like to inform you that: you have qualified for 2014’s subsidy benefit. scam light houses:  In fact, scam all the houses. Everyone wants a subsidy.

who is don alverzo:  If there’s ever a steampunk version of Sábado Gigante, he’s the host.

Duratec and ATX Rebuild Pages/CD4E FAQ.html:  You know, when Ford announced this particular transmission as “light-duty,” that should have been a clue.

www.pakistan colig garl pechar in burqa:  That’s a switch. Usually we get requests for them out of burqa.

zappos female models:  I dunno. Does Zappos sell burqas?

lou reed shawn colvin:  The very antithesis of a Perfect Day.

why does the engine fuse blow up on a 1994 mazda 626:  They generally don’t do that, so we shall assume that it’s Your Fault.

erotic stories of boy using invisibility potion on his mother:  I think you just pinned the Creepy Meter.

fixing mazda remove hold mode flashlight:  Um, it’s gonna take a lot more than a flashlight to fix this.

851 vents:  Pay attention. You’re about six months behind the times.

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Strange search-engine queries (439)

Here we are, nearly halfway through the year, and the talk has changed from “Hurry up, summer!” to “Damn, is it supposed to be this hot?” The one thing that hasn’t changed, of course, is your Monday roundup of funky search strings.

helle thorning-schmidt shoe size:  Who is this, the EU Foot Patrol, looking for statistical outliers?

replace selector cable on 2003 mazda tribute:  Another shade-tree mechanic, on a day when there’s no shade.

dustbury 626 gear ratio:  At the moment, I’m geared for minimum acceleration.

joe webber married to diane webber:  Yep, they were. Sorry, no wedding pictures.

Grandma 85yrs.old nude and fucking free:  And probably tired of you boys peering into her parlor window, I’d bet.

room101 bags:  Don’t go looking in there, if you know what’s good for you.

sheila tea for two hundred:  Two hundred? Take a bow, Sheila.

allintext: Allen 2014@yahoo.com OR hotmail.com OR aol.com  And please hurry. I need to spam this guy before that damn Nigerian prince shows up.

charles basotti you may already be a weiner:  Well, as long as you’re not some damn Nigerian prince.

1995 mondeo with a vehicle speed sensor fault. car won’t go into 5 gear:  So are you bragging or complaining?

comic strip about invisible potion:  Apparently it only works on ’95 Ford Mondeos.

all language .dustnury:  All except that one, anyway.

are movincool classic loud?  Say what? I can’t hear you over this racket.

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Strange search-engine queries (438)

This feature has appeared more or less uninterrupted for over seven years, and unlike the case with some ventures I could name, I have the archives to prove it.

cheap pimped 90s 323s forsale hatchbacks:  Fortunately, pimping a vehicle tends to reduce its resale value, so “cheap” might actually be possible.

rebecca black “saturday” “synthpop”:  Well, it certainly isn’t death metal.

hertzlinger doritos:  Available only during certain times of the year.

How much does a engine weigh in the 1988 Mazda 626:  People asking this are really asking “Do I have to have an engine hoist?” Yes, you do.

origin of the term dirt bag:  Well, it certainly can’t be older than dirt.

jury rig 90 geo prizm oil cap:  Of course, ever last one in the junkyard is gone, because everyone else did the same damned thing.

surlier:  A combination of “surly” and “earlier,” this describes my mood after being told I have to go to work two hours before the usual start time.

penislenthoil:  Probably expensive, like all synthetics aimed at the desperation marketplace.

drowned ferraris:  Funny thing: they can’t swim.

yaris sixy gairl rapes xxx you tube:  See how you like it if you’re raped with a Yaris. Or, indeed, any small Toyota.

Intructions making antidote to reverse the action and visible within an hour instead of a day:  Unfortunately, it’s printed in invisible ink. Maybe tomorrow.

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Strange search-engine queries (437)

While the attention of the world is focused on the World Cup, I’m busy sorting through the last 3600 or so log entries, trying to find what possible reason your search string ended up here. I’m figuring I probably work best uninterrupted.

coaxed pronunciation  See, for instance, Hamlet: “Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you: trippingly on the tongue.” Any more coaxing than that and it would border on coercive.

320porn .com:  This is less than 360, so I assume there are 40, um, activities not covered.

paray full naked pictures:  Must be from one of the 40 not covered.

Is Frosty Troy a socialist?  Naw. But if you need to find one, it won’t be difficult.

waldorf records corp 10″ dean martin LP cover:  Truth be told, and given the fact that Waldorf, despite its name, was purely a budget label, they might have sold it in a plain sleeve.

spendophobia:  A common disease among the middle class, though the US Congress, curiously, has a natural immunity to it.

busty.mobi/young-french-21yr.html?interstitial:  Don’t be picky. There are some perfectly lovely French women over the age of redacted.

Should i drive with hold on 93 626:  Look at it this way: the car’s over 20 years old. You can’t make things much worse than they already are.

anna swenson equestrian:  And a princess, no less.

how to set up weatheradio model 181b:  Short version: install battery, turn it on, turn tuning knob until you hear something other than noise.

one is never too old to yearn meaning:  Meaning you’re probably too young to understand.

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Strange search-engine queries (436)

Google, eventually, will encrypt all search requests, which will mean that the people who ask for this weird crap someday will be secure in the knowledge that it won’t show up here. In the meantime, though:

phil spector mono vinyl:  Mostly, yes. Why this matters on a Wii U, the device which requested this, I do not know.

the song there dosnt seem to be any one around:  Because, you know, one is the loneliest number, and all that jazz.

sarah michelle gellar double jointed legs:  Hmmm. Now I’m going to have to rewatch all those old episodes of Buffy.

http://sexy.mobi/watch-hidden-camera-videos-showing-girls-in-the-changing-room-doing-kinky-things.html?interstitial:  Probably none of them are double-jointed, and what will your mom say?

erotic video kid turns table on mom by turning invisible:  Yeah, like that’s really gonna press Mom’s hot buttons.

non nude pictures of girls in panties:  I suppose that would qualify for “non nude,” yes.

what happened between rebecca black and alexa losey:  I’m not sure, but I don’t think it involved panties.

is the 2001 mazda 626 automatic unleaded gas only:  Hint: Leaded gasoline was banned in the States in 1996.

1930 chevrolet roadster seats spanish grain fabric core 1930 explained:  What do you care? You can’t even run leaded gas in it.

animal and giral fual xxx pechar:  That “xxx” doesn’t make me feel any better about it, let me tell you.

Roger Miller song which mentions Baltimore Colts:  Um, that was Bobby Russell’s “1432 Franklin Pike Circle Hero.” And, of course, the Colts moved to Indianapolis.

www.empty scrotum.com:  Now that took some balls.

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Strange search-engine queries (435)

On a Monday, anyway, the best part of waking up is burying your nose in a spreadsheet full of search strings, amirite?

scotapp system initilization:  Otherwise known as “Blue Screen of Produce.”

Chinese magical potion for invisibility:  Seriously, do you want to subject your body to the sort of stress caused by assembly-line apothecaries making $2.85 an hour?

how to fix Mazda tribute drive light:  The general procedure is this: (1) remove bad light; (2) install new one.

mazda 1983 truck cant find reverse:  Did you look in the back? Or was the light bad?

fetish having sex in the backseat of an acura mdx:  Now that’s so, so suburban. Next time, imagine you’re in an ’83 Mazda truck with no reverse gear.

did motown record in mono:  They acquired multitrack recording capabilities early on, but those capabilities were devoted to the best possible sound on a 45, which back then was in mono.

free pak ps2 pogrom:  If it’s actually free, it’s probably so old it runs on an IBM PS/2.

is there a fuse for the tranny on a 86 mercury mystique:  Considering there were no Mercury Mystiques until model year 1995, I think it’s safe to say that there isn’t.

fax say:  The ones I get say things like “You can get $500,000 term insurance NOW!”

automobile magazine jamie kitman fired:  Actually, given all those ancient British contraptions in his yard, “backfired” is probably closer to the mark.

busty jailbait:  Remember: fifteen can get you twenty.

“oh yeah” in a sentence:  Nice to hear from you again, Duff Man.

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Strange search-engine queries (434)

Monday morning finds me busy at work thoroughly zonked after the weekend, and it’s time once again for a trip through the logs in search of cheap blogfodder.

Fiorello LaGuardia fill a pothole quote:  It was something like “There’s no Democratic or Republican way to fill a pothole.” Here in Oklahoma City, where municipal elections are nonpartisan, there’s no way to fill a pothole, period.

Deep web rulez, imao:  Yeah? Where’d you get the link?

what happen if throttle position coming fail in ford mondeo?  Generally, if fail is coming, you stop going.

whos older derrick fisher or tim duncan:  Fisher’s older, though not by much compared to the dinosaurs who walked the earth in those days.

julio iglesias facism:  See, for example, his hit “To All the Proles I’ve Exploited Before.”

overfilling ford cd4e transmission:  Simple. Just pour in the required quantity of ATF, and then don’t stop.

common cents cheat codes:  Giving up so soon?

All work and no play may make Jim a dull boy, but no work and all play makes jim all kinds of a jackass:  You may know Jim, but most assuredly you don’t know jack.

what fails inside 4eat automatic transmission:  Internal parts only. Isn’t that convenient?

if we do not learn by heart, the heart does not feel the rhythms of poetry as echoes or variations of its own insistent beat  Similarly, if we go Googling for passages rather than write our own, the gradebook does not feel the sensation of an A, or sometimes merely a B.

mane six discovering r34:  I wouldn’t wish that on anypony.

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