Archive for You Asked For It

Strange search-engine queries (429)

It’s Monday morning, and you all know what that means: time to poke around in the server logs until such time as we turn up something that might marginally qualify as amusing. Blather, rinse, repeat. Leaves your hair — pretty much alone, actually.

overlord of the flies:  Surprisingly, it’s the kid who pins them down and pulls off their wings.

teacher story locker numbers IQ:  What they don’t tell you is that the kid in locker #172, thinking himself a genius, proclaimed himself Overlord of the Flies.

prono ghique photo:  It’s not all ghiques; sometimes you see kneards and dorques.

94′ mazda 626 1st shift rpm high:  Yeah, like you know anything about gear ratios.

can i replace automatic gearbox with manual gearbox on mazda 626:  It would be cheaper just to fix the damn automatic.

i change two transmission in my 03 ford escape 4.4 because no shift and spdometer no work why:  Because you’d rather spend $5000 on part-shuffling than pay someone $3000 to actually fix the bloody thing.

are women sunbathing in her backyard naked woman sunbathing in her backyard naked:  Yeah, we get it. I assure you, if she’s doing it, she’s not doing it for your benefit.

ipop-neo results chart picture:  Why, yes, charts tend to be pictorial. Does this surprise you?

light green bicycle Sena on Latuda advertisement:  That’ll work, sure. “Why did you choose this brand of bicycle?” “I saw it in an ad for antipsychotics.”

is a 86 lx mx 6 a 6 cylinder:  You tell me. Does a BMW 3-series have three cylinders?

stocking jerk:  Good way to cause a run, if you’re not careful.

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Strange search-engine queries (428)

The Polar Vortex rears its ugly head, or heads its ugly rear, and once again we bring in the logs, not so much for warmth as for amusement value.

protege valve body:  Truth be told, I’m still snickering about the possibility of a protege valve: one can only take so many of them, I suppose.

thad balkman adultry case:  Never heard of it, though I will concede the possibility that Balkman is in fact an adult, and probably not a baseball mascot in the Sally League.

brown shoed square:  Make it a cube if he uses the word “cordovan.”

Brussel practice of kung fu Vedio:  Even if the Euroweenies are doing martial arts, I assure you, I don’t want to see it.

entirely symbolic:  For instance, the middle of the “wish sandwich” in “Rubber Biscuit.”

is 2000 mazda 626 v6 automatic a better trans than the 4 cylinder auto trans:  If you define “better” as “harder to fix,” then yes.

ARE WE HAVING FUNDS YET? Solution:  You solve this by, um, obtaining funds. I would think that would have been obvious.

many people hang up on telemarketers but other will listen politely to their pictures even though they are not interested in the product. know that any one who agrees:”  is probably silly enough to think pictures (except motion pictures) can be listened to, politely or otherwise.

I use the 5 speed gearbox Ford Escape for mazda tribute:  Yes, but do you wear sunglasses at night?

what is fair to all corncerd of the four way test:  If everybody gets 25 percent, but thinks he got 30.

what does the fax say:  Not much, though it screeches a helluva lot.

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Strange search-engine queries (427)

“Spring is sprung / The grass is riz / I wonder where / The searches iz?” Right here.

Applications for the Cd4e transmission:  See if you can find one that will tell you when it’s going to fail.

masterbation of purnia girl fully nacked girl:  You’ll never make it there in time, inasmuch as your transmission is about to fail.

i have a 2006 mazda tribut and the transmishion filter is in the transmishion cant be changed how often doo i need oil changed:  I’d point to the manual, but the chance that you’d be able to read it seems awfully small.

what causes the shift solenoid in the transmission to work:  Electricity. Now what causes it not to work?

a small sport-utility vehicle gas tank holds 60 quarts of gasoline. how many gallons does it hold?  Fifteen, which all by itself will decrease the Arctic ice pack by 0.9 percent.

weird trick grocery stores:  You have to know what you’re doing, but generally it works like this: you hand over some green paper, they give you a shoulder roast.

licke boy viode:  If you insist, though I don’t think anyone will like it.

joseph emmet from his 1882 play fritz among the gypsies:  Not recently revived, as the set decorations are constantly on the fritz.

sextube meta:search.app windowslive:  Let’s hope this is Windows XP and you get the malware injection you so richly deserve.

How much does a receptionist earn at skynet:  $10.10 an hour plus all the humans you can exterminate.

index of hendrix .wma:  And so downloads made of sand / Go 404 / and not much more.

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Strange search-engine queries (426)

Monday morning brings a fresh(ish) set of search strings from our very own visitors, lightly mocked, and lovingly frosted with glucose.

Interstate 235 36th street interchange prior to reconstruction OKC flickr:  Not even Flickr remembers back that far.

futility is resistable:  Are you kidding me? Entire nations embrace it as a cause.

2001 mazda 626 transmission problem only with 4 cylinder:  Yeah, just keep telling yourself that, Mister Gottahava VeeSix.

what will make transmission slip on 2002 mazda 626:  Most commonly, it’s due to inadequate maintenance.

loratabs gone:  This surely must be a country song, possibly by George Jones.

shania yummy:  I suppose so. No point in telling George Jones, though.

Are exact coins required to travel the Kilpatrick turnpike in oklahoma?  Inexact coins won’t make it through the collecting machine.

running tolls on creek turnpike:  The least you could do was try some inexact coins.

mention about padama lakshmis stepfather:  What about him? You just can’t go around mentioning people.

parent directory ” /bizarre/ -xxx -html -htm -php -shtml -opendivx -md5 -md5sums”:  And guess what, ladies? He’s single!

“deed for speed”:  Hey, where can I get one of those?

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Strange search-engine queries (425)

What’s that, friend? You say your bracket is busted and there’s no reason to go on? Allow me to show you this week’s wacky search strings. They won’t make you a million dollars or anything, but hey, it’s Monday; if they get even the most feeble grin out of you, they’ve done their job, and mine.

aux transmission cooler on ford escape 6 speed automatic:  Usually the time to shop for those is before you have an overheating problem.

what in a cd4e will cause it not to come out of first gear:  Any number of things. Has it been overheating?

passeys bronze horse statue stolen in benson:  What, did Iron Man ride it away or something?

how hard is it to rebuild gf4a-el:  You know, there’s a reason they charge you $2000 for that sort of thing.

maggie mayhem data base:  With a name like Maggie Mayhem, I suggest that not a whole lot of data is necessary.

pet sounds album which two songs are instrumental without vocals?  Actually, all the songs without vocals are instrumental. (But just for the record, “Pet Sounds” and “Let’s Go Away For Awhile.”)

which is the number one cylinder on a 1992 Mazda 626 with a 2.2:  Perhaps surprisingly, the first one.

in colorado does the property ownier have a right to have the interior easement surveyed if neighbor wants to use it:  I’m trying to imagine a situation in which a property owner would not have a right to have an easement surveyed.

sluts email:  Sluts don’t have time for email. They’re busy being slutty.

fuse for overdrive 1996 mercury mystique:  “Please, Lord, please, please, let it be a two-dollar fuse and not a thousand-dollar solenoid block!” And the Lord looked down, and saith: “Hey, I didn’t build this thing. Call Ford.”

what is opposite of nondescript?  Kerry Washington.

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Strange search-engine queries (424)

It’s time for yet another installment of the series that gives you the reassurance you need: whatever weird crap you were looking for on Google last week, somebody else was looking for something even weirder.

snopes the cato institute is a well known and respected conservative ‘think tank.’ they released a study showing that welfare benefits pay more than a minimum wage:  And either pay better than a think tank.

amanda.king pahrump nv nude:  Not without checking with Harry Reid, she isn’t.

acura rl washer fluid low warning light wont go off:  Did you try actually adding washer fluid?

chronic false CHECK ENGINE faults on Lesxus ES300:  How does someone who can’t spell “Lexus” judge that the codes are “false”?

whats tge mist tgat gas bn awarded in a TCPA lawsuit:  Methinks the mist is affecting your typing, or something.

are amazonbucks spam:  First rule of the Internet, Subparagraph B: If you think you’re getting something for nothing, you’re too stupid to be on the Internet.

nicole kidman inseam:  I’m sure she’ll be delighted to hear that you’re making pants for her.

wood shavings falling from ceiling:  It’s that guy upstairs, making pants for Nicole Kidman.

what is the automatic trans capacity for a 97 mazda 626:  Usually they come with just one. And no, you’re not changing the fluid yourself. I know better than that.

infiniti m37 gas cap poor acceleration:  Ideally, the gas cap should accelerate at the same speed as the rest of the car.

bottemless tip jar:  I imagine it’s hard to retrieve anything therefrom.

download free song mp3 goldfinch:  I’ll be here all decade. Try the sidebar.

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Strange search-engine queries (423)

If you’re new here, and by “new” I mean within the last week, because otherwise you’d certainly have seen this before: this is a weekly compendium of odd search strings, actually used by real Web surfers, which may or may not have been supposed to land here, but did.

nothing up my sleeve striptease:  Eventually, of course, there is no sleeve.

sylvia label blind artest:  They say that if you lack one of the senses, the other four will compensate. People with no sense at all, however, run for political office.

97 ford thunderbird lx v6 67,000 miles o/d light blinking:  This phenomenon is described in your owner’s manual. If you do not have an owner’s manual, you have no business driving.

wheres the fuse for forth gear on a 2003 mazda:  Gears don’t have fuses. You obviously need an owner’s manual.

bread without no meat:  Modern-day equivalent: “We doubled your premium, but now your deductible is three times as high.”

where is “34th and vine” from the old song located:  Just outside the gypsy’s place. You can’t miss it.

bad mlp, no idicator light cd4e:  The only really bad MLP was Equestria Girls, where the girls didn’t seem to be getting much in the way of idication.

should i play mono remixes in mono:  If that’s the way they’re mixed, it’s the only way you can play them.

rape and torture of diana ross and the supremes:  Either somebody is spreading sick rumors, or somebody really, really didn’t like “Reflections.”

bess myerson wore a swim suit that was too small:  This is a hell of a time to start complaining, don’t you think?

sex women next door impugn:  Ha. Not with that impugny thing, Buster.

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Strange search-engine queries (422)

If you’re not outside in this Big Ball O’ Frozenness, give thanks to whatever force in the universe you think responsible, and settle back with this week’s weirdest search strings, harvested in this late-winter cold to be at the peak of freshness. Or something.

sequoyah county oklahoma drug bust cockfighting club in the 1980s:  I think it’s just terrible that they were giving drugs to those poor chickens.

where on my 2001 mazda 626 car can i find out what kind of transmission does it have:  There’s only one kind it could have if you’re looking for this: broken.

fedex intervarsity ann gerth scam walmart:  And they told me sorority girls had no ambition.

frognosticator:  So tell me: is Kermit finally getting to second base with Miss Piggy?

how to reset ford ef safety mode light:  Oh, yes. You wouldn’t want something on the dashboard telling you to be safe, now would you?

the only world number 1 largest,fattest,biggest sextube:  I imagine all kind of things go on in the London Underground.

judge barbara m scheper golf:  Look, if a public official wants to knock down 18 holes some afternoon, it’s no big deal, okay?

Cutie mark crusaders High maintenance bronies:  Not that I’d know this, but all bronies are high-maintenance. Just keeping all those pony manes tamed is a full-time job.

60 Electrical Mechanical Instrumentation Company CEO livemail:  “Please help me spam these dudes.”

I didn’t know they still made records like this:  They don’t. Now shut up and go to the iTunes Store like you were told.

www.penislenthoil.com:  And to think I used to make fun of Quaker State.

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Strange search-engine queries (421)

Last week, a couple thousand people visited this site. Some of them were looking for something specific. And if it was (1) specific and (2) weird, it’s listed here.

generic limerick:  There once was an A who did B / In front of a horrified C; / The sight of his D / Made her cry loudly, “E!” / And we’re happy this ends before Z.

does jason scheff use autotune?  To sound like Peter Cetera? Please.

Brian Northcott gratis pornofilme:  Probably doesn’t use Auto-Tune either.

recently did engine overhaul on my mazda 626 y5 but nw my gears won’t shift:  Aw, that’s too bad. Have you tried Auto-Tune?

You Need Your Thumb to Vacuum Clean – Here Comes Honey Boo Boo:  If I may suggest an alternate use for that thumb … but never mind.

automatic transmission o/d solenoid explained:  If the solenoid is working, the shift occurs; if not, it doesn’t. Even Honey Boo Boo can figure that one out.

prayer is the best gift from god. No cost but lots of reward:  You still shouldn’t count on it to fix your transmission solenoids.

should i turn simulated stereo off:  It’s okay with me.

hank you, i appreciate your sympathy. since i don’t have anyone in my life at this moment i got involved in a greenpeace project at the arctic circle i’m:  Surprised that anyone connected with Greenpeace would know anyone named Hank.

Incidentally, someone from uscc.net dropped by Saturday night, seeking information specifically from this site on four local broadcast stations: KOKH, KKNG, KAUT and KTUZ. I have no idea what for.

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Strange search-engine queries (420)

Polished off about one-quarter of a mislabeled “red velvet” Valentine’s Day cake, purchased the day after for 62 percent off, just working on this list. Damn munchies.

“Tropermic Calculus”:  Never heard of it, but it sounds kinda derivative.

how do i find transmission code on 2002 mazda 626:  If you have to ask, it’s already too late.

searching their bras:  Usually not difficult, there being only two places to look.

Is there a connection between teh Westboro Baptist Church in Kansas and the one in Central Florida?  No. The ones in Florida are attended by actual Baptists.

The incidence in the bible in isrealites where somebody contacted with leprosy is tie will bell on the neck and kept at outsketch of the tent:  This twisted syntax can only be a product of Westboro. The Kansas version, I mean.

i couldn’t disagree less:  Sure you could. You’re just not trying.

jerk stocking:  This is very important here at the Jerk Store, where we don’t want to run out of you.

forum winstar casino exhibitionist:  Isn’t everyone at the casino kind of an exhibitionist? I mean, if they win, anyway; losers tend to huddle in the dark corners.

And during the New York leg of her book tour last month, promoting her new erotic novel, she made several messy television appearances in which she did not appear lucid:  Is it really necessary to pick on Nancy Pelosi at this late date?

motorcycle clear plastic temporary universal disposable rain dust garage san antonio:  Take it upstairs. The landlord won’t mind, as long as you don’t have an oil leak.

maaterial safety data sheet cover girl naturluxe silk foundation:  I think we can safely assume that it’s inedible.

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Strange search-engine queries (419)

It wasn’t so easy getting hold of the logs this week: they were buried under a quarter-inch of ice, two inches of snow, and wispy traces of the dreaded Freezing Fog. But we persevered somehow, and here’s what we found:

clankity meaning:  What you get when you look up a word in that newfangled steampunk dictionary.

why wont my 1990 4 cylinder 2.0 liter ford probe go into reverse:  It’s gone all clankity on you.

defordable:  Something Lincoln needs to be.

ferragamo patent braniff:  I don’t think they pay flight attendants enough to wear shoes like that anymore.

bektok gamas:  Is this a new line of shoes?

What is the meaning of b in automatic mirage glx in shifting lever:  Read the manual. If you don’t have the manual you are not fit to drive.

how does covalent bonds involve with mpemba effect:  We’re sorry, this is one of the answers that was previously frozen. We’ll try to thaw it out later.

Xxx daver dashie India com:  Well, it’s not my little Dashie.

outgoing mail weather issues baltimore md:  Your electric bill is still due Tuesday. Nice try.

will a nissan automatic transmission fit a mazda:  Probably not. If it’s the only slushbox you can afford, then definitely not.

your fifteen minutes is up:  Yes, they is.

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Strange search-engine queries (418)

Presented uncut and without commercials, unlike anything else on television yesterday.

baby get back by gordon lightfoot:  “Backside, you’d better get down/’Cause you’re just getting bigger, I can’t see around.”

99 ford contour trans just stopped working:  Did you ever consider that it might be past retirement age?

Derpy Best Friend Fanfiction:  I just don’t know how this ever got here.

2000 Mazda 626 have a carbarautor?  If we still had those contraptions, maybe people would be able to spell the word.

free nicole deboer sexy photos:  Generally, when someone asks for free photos, what is really wanted is a way to acquire photos offered for sale without actually paying.

v6 engine pressure per cylibder:  I assume what you want is “compression,” or you’re planning to drop the engine on the floor to see if it makes a dent. (It will.)

262144th note:  Got to have a lot of those if you plan to go for 5000 bpm.

55 no sinal from pulse generator:  For a minute there I thought you’d said “no sinai,” and I wondered what Moses would think.

Who decides which words to no longer use?  Well, it’s certainly not John Boehner.

blessed are the pessimists backups:  I got a new beatitude!

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Strange search-engine queries (417)

Monday morning brings a fresh load of wacko search strings from the week’s logs. And sometimes I’m not sure whether the operative word is “fresh” or “load.”

where’s the transmission dipstick for mazda 626 lx 5 speed:  You want a dipstick for a manual gearbox? Sheesh.

susan sarandon bow legs:  Yeah, but no one looks that far down.

i seen enough hen:  So you oppose the Urban Chickens initiative?

It’s hot in there apartment but it’s freezing in mines. The damn radiators is not even hot I don’t care what Lynn said about her apartment mines is cold. I’m letting you know today I’m moving on the first of the mont:  Trust me, you won’t be missed, and Lynn doesn’t give a damn one way or another.

post menopausal closet communist hag:  Well, there’s always the Democratic convention, where — oh, wait, you said “closet.” Never mind.

u tube in car trans rebuild probe mazda:  Oh, yeah, like you’re going to rebuild a transmission by watching YouTube. Go do something useful like mine bitcoin.

sundi varjan tum hi ho:  Well, it’s about time they brought back Carnac the Magnificent.

“pointy toe” “her feet” 2014:  I’m sure Wikipedia has an article on podiatry.

the american dream is not fundamentally about stardom or extreme success. in recalibrating our expectations of it, we need to appreciate that it is not an all-  inclusive mechanism; it specifically excludes people who try to do term papers by combining half a dozen Google searches and calling it “research.”

why does laura san giacomo wear baggy clothes wear baggy clothes:  Because she damn well wants to wants to.

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Strange search-engine queries (416)

Warning to Consumers: If you visited a search engine any time between the 12th of January and today, there exists a chance that your search thread may have been captured by the system logs and then revealed to the general public. If this happens to you — well, dumb luck, I guess.

what kind of transmission is in a MX6 V6 stick shift:  Just off the top of my head, I’d say a manual.

when did franklin d roosevelt provide bibles for troops thru american bible soc:  Just off the top of my head, I’d say World War II.

real big and outside nudiarist:  He’s big, but not that big. And yes, he’s probably outside, unless it’s cold out.

leawood boundaries redrawn to exclude Jewish neighborhood:  So far as I can tell, this search did not emanate from Hamas.

keem-o-sabe lyrics the electric indian:  About the same number of words as Neal Hefti’s Batman theme.

SPEEDOMETER, GEARSHIFTDISPLAY, TRANSMISSIONMALFUNCTION:  First, STOP YELLING! Then go get your car fixed, because there isn’t anything you can do about it.

Pony tales pentahouse letters:  The inspiration for about 15 percent of MLP:FiM fanfic.

is a 2001 maxda 626 ford built:  Not technically, although Ford owned half the plant at the time.

stallman has a girlfriend:  Preceded, no doubt, by “Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah.” See Connie Francis’ “Lipstick on Your Collar” for an example.

will a speed sensor out of a 03 escape transmission fir in a 97 mazda 626:  It might. Doesn’t mean it will work, though.

I haven’t actual credit card to berify i’m beyond age of 18 and actually 44, what now Naughty AND Cheating.com:  Two words: “access denied.”

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Strange search-engine queries (415)

This weekly feature exploits a little-known fact: when you search for something on the Web, the search engine fabricates a URL as referrer, and often that URL contains exactly the string of characters for which you were searching. This is readable if the recipient of the search knows what he’s doing, and often I do.

does my ford escape have a factory engine cooler or transmission cooler:  Um, yes. It’s called a radiator.

jason lackmeyer the underground detective:  Not likely to be noticed by us above-ground types. Sorry.

hair color of Alessandra Ambrosio Circa 2007:  That I wouldn’t know. Have you considered consulting an underground detective?

what does the quote “that government which governs least governs best” mean?  Nothing anymore, since government has shown no signs of wanting to govern best.

Mazdaspeed 6 speed in a ford Probe:  Either sixth gear is too tall, in which case the engine will lug, or it’s too short, in which case you won’t get the extra few mph at the top end that you were expecting.

www.nastypornshots.com:  So basically, you’re going through Google with the hope that no one will read your browser history?

what is the name of the song by Bobby Goldsboro that has the lyrics in it “1432 Franklin Pike Circle Hero”:  Bobby Russell sounds nothing like Bobby Goldsboro.

girl died 1887 rebecca black’s video:  Were that so, she’d still be dead, would she not?

toyota yaris damage bumper suspect meth addicted:  I doubt it. Most low-end Toyotas are perfectly content with unleaded regular; methamphetamine won’t even boost the octane rating.

“Story Of O” jpegs:  At least they weren’t asking for animated GIFs.

a system is to be made which could be used by every age of person like children adults and may require certain modification which features functional and non:  Sensical drivel.

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Strange search-engine queries (414)

Even colder than legendary Lambeau Field is the box where they store the system logs. Time to put on some serious gloves for once, and poke around for something to laugh at.

Troubleshoot Mazda 626 1989 transmission:  Son, the way we do things around here is simple: something gives you trouble, you shoot it.

convective exchange of cerebrospinal fluid with interstitial fluid:  Nice idea, but are the two fluids roughly compatible?

cd4e fill overflow:  Try 10 quarts of cerebrospinal fluid.

Wisdom:  Here? Surely you jest.

osu orange hummer h2 in stillwater oklahoma:  You were expecting maybe K-State Royal Purple?

www.whaddem porno.com:  Ah just don’ unnerstand whaddem porno sites is all about.

Результаты включают ссылки по запросу:  Yeah, that’s easy for you to say.

warr acres cop busted:  You know, it’s hard to see what town you’re in along that stretch of Route 66.

ed ames tennis:  His cup runneth over with sweat.

what is the origin of the term dirtbag:  Like a douchebag, but grittier.

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Strange search-engine queries (413)

For the last time in 2013, we pull up the logs and see what people were searching for — and if it has any amusement value, we stick it here.

the goads so excited:  You won’t be goading me into this no matter what the excitement value.

lateral ara:  I didn’t watch much Notre Dame football, but I don’t remember any instance in which Ara Parseghian called for a lateral.

Wet Bra Problem:  Damn things are hard enough to detach when they’re dry.

jennifer aniston synapse:  In fact, it could be said that she’s got a lotta nerve.

meaning rockin around the christmas tree new old fashioned way:  Every year I have to explain the same damn thing. Next year, Rocko, you’re staying in your room until farging Epiphany.

maintenance history 2002 mazda 626:  Did you ask the owner? Because there’s no chance in hell it’s on the Web.

i accidentally left illegal drugs in my room at hard rock casino in catoosa ok. in my hotel room? what will happen?  Hint: Nobody will turn them in to the Lost and Found.

sluts by mail:  Beware. The handling charge is outrageous.

are .m4a files playable on windows rt:  You’ll need a third-party application. I’d suggest iTunes, but that would be cruel.

Mercury Cougar blowing starter motor fuse when you let off the clutch:  I’m sorry, I sort of drifted off there after “cougar blowing.”

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Strange search-engine queries (412)

And so we come, once again, to the logs, where we shall seek the search strings that make you, or at least me, laugh. It might even work.

what causes mazda famila 2002 model not to respond fast in changing gears at the same time flashing the hold light when driving?  And here’s another guy thinking that he can get a car diagnosed over the Web. If I had a lick of sense, I’d figure out some way to charge for that.

cost to repair broken transmission clip/cable Mazda:  Like that, for instance. (That’ll be $35.00.)

tongue muscle hurt when yawning too hard:  Quit watching NBC. (That’ll be $35.00.)

saints slap house okc ok 73109 christmas haunted attraction:  “Slap house”? Why don’t you stay home and watch a good traditional holiday movie, like, um, Die Hard?

abkco music how long do they have rolling stones rights:  Until Keith Richards dies, or the sun goes supernova, whichever comes first.

dawn eden annoying:  She’s never bothered me. Maybe it’s just you?

create a car saying (bumper sticker) or a road sign (billboard) that would describe one main point you learned (florida virtual school):  “The wise teacher keeps her answers offline.”

tv show pics of kirsten vangsness in girdle:  As if. You’ll see The Rock defend a doctoral thesis on logical positivism before you see Vangsness in a girdle.

“christine chubbuck” “dateless”:  You know, if this bothered you, you could have asked her out yourself.

lufsig cleans up his act with a brand new name:  Which promptly got banned on Twitter.

shocked that he was manscaped:  Nobody wanted to see Lufsig’s junk, especially in a TwitPic.

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Strange search-engine queries (411)

In case you’ve missed the preceding 410 installments of this feature — well, it’s not like you need a whole lot of training to comprehend it. Web surfers go to search engines to look for stuff; search engine sends them here; log files reveal the details. Simple as that.

what are the biggest challenges to shape our country’s future:  Getting it away from the people who’ve been screwing it up.

what is needed to diagnose CD4E mazda transmittion:  More tools than you have, and the ability to spell wouldn’t hurt.

what is the new old-fashion way:  Brenda Lee, what hath thou wrought?

can old ATF cause hold light:  Real question: “Is there some way I can get this fixed without paying $2500?” Most likely answer: no.

what is the conceptual and operational meaning of “up means good”?  Down, boy.

is mikandi adware:  Are you getting ads? If not, then no.

click to view larger image and other views … have one to sell? sell it yourself 2004 2005 nissan maxima radio cd player dash trim be:  Ruined after you pry out that head unit with a screwdriver, as we know you did.

nicole kidman inseam:  If I had the ability to measure that, I wouldn’t have time to look up search queries.

mazda 626 1997 carburetor:  Fuel injection, son. Look into it.

nude ka hot sexiy imagas mull:  Next time, try typing with both hands.

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Strange search-engine queries (410)

Your Monday morning begins with another set of peculiar search strings, as picked up by this very site over the past several days, in lieu of actual, you know, content.

85yrs old grannies fucking pictures:  Get your own effing pictures.

jessica alba fantasy story:  I bet she wasn’t 85, either.

nudity in bizet carmen:  Because Frenchmen know intuitively what sort of things happen in deepest Seville.

tight wet ones:  Carmen was like that, but then she was still young.

unicorn breeders association:  Have you seen how much those breeders will charge you?

dawn fairchild new roads school aol settlement:  It’s hard to imagine anyone settling for AOL these days.

GF4AEL went out:  And probably had a good time, too.

don’t start sentences with with:  With what authority do you make this demand?

philander vedio:  One should never attempt adultery beneath a surveillance camera.

Skinny ankle jailbait:  Especially if she’s underage.

john doak uninsured motorist:  John Doak is the Insurance Commissioner. Surely someone would have written him a policy.

so much for your bright idea:  Could be my epitaph, if you think about it.

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Strange search-engine queries (409)

It’s time once again to shake the cornstarch off our mukluks and get down to the serious business of looking for perhaps-unserious search strings in ye olde system logs. It wouldn’t be a Monday morning without them.

Maria Bartaromo in pantyhose:  Thus we see the mental corruption in operation. He’s spent so much time looking at her legs that he doesn’t remember how to spell her name.

loreal greer mapson:  Sounds like the name of someone they’d hire to replace Maria Bartiromo.

sherilyn fenn looks what should i look like at age 35:  Well, it would be nice if you looked like Sherilyn Fenn at 35, especially if you wanted a job on TV news like Maria Bartiromo’s.

mazda tribute automatic transmission parts – foward direct drum:  In fact, forward them to Kevin Drum. He needs a hobby besides trying to defend Obamacare.

eighteen groped:  You really don’t need to spell this out in your journal, Congressman.

toyota yaris – drivers seat unable to move forward:  If it were any closer, you’d be driving this thing with your [redacted].

WHAT IS THE FORMULER FOR CALCULATING THE NUMBERN ON SOLER PANELS TO CHARGE 200:  You promise the rubes enough of a tax break and you can charge 200 apiece.

brittney lissner porn:  Not here, sorry. Did you try one of the sites you actually have to pay for?

europrincess escort:  I’m pretty sure no princess currently enthroned in Europe is driving a Ford.

Eroticsuperheroines:  I heard that Triplicate Girl does threesomes.

toyota prius KEYLESSRIDE scanner price in ebay:  Would it not have been more useful actually to search eBay itself?

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Strange search-engine queries (408)

This weekly feature is produced by sorting through tons and tons of raw materials, looking for something that can be refined, and then enhancing it through careful utilization of snarkistry. We keep hoping the world can be persuaded to pay us to do this — or to pay us not to do this. We’re not finicky.

“how it’s hanging”:  I suspect it has something to do with being suspended at the top.

ROBELLO KOMBI MADE IN C:  Actually, it was E-flat, but somehow it sounded too shrill. I blame CAPS LOCK.

have anyone been using quickfade tattoo removing gel:  Just the invisible girl over there. At least, I think she’s over there.

invisible manga porno:  Not at all sponsored by Quickfade Tattoo Removing Gel.

he’s not what i thought he was:  Yeah, but you voted for him just the same.

ford telstar v6 automatic gearbox whining sound:  It might not be the transmission at all, but the owner of the Ford in question, once presented with the bill for the rebuild.

did stephanie zimbalist ever get hurt doing her own stunts:  A mild case of heartbreak, perhaps.

jayne mansfield’s head on car:  We don’t sell hood ornaments here. Try Pep Boys.

verjin refloration:  Are you sure you know what you’re asking? Try Pep Boys.

The stoplight had just changed and a 20000 kg. Cadillac had entered the intersection north at 3.0 m/s when it was struck by a 1000kg eastbound Volkswagen:  Whereupon the VW driver was shot to death by the Secret Service, since the only 20-ton Cadillac in operation was the Presidential limousine, as outfitted by Pep Boys.

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Strange search-engine queries (407)

Why is this here again? Because of a promise I made to myself: if I like this feature, I can keep it. And promises, I believe, must be kept.

zone holys nude:  How close is that to the friend zone?

ethelylene in perfume:  It’s flammable, so it sustains the flame of desire.

yosemite sam dynamite under piano key:  Believe me if all those endearing old cartoon gags don’t still pack a wallop.

is Johnny get angry sexist:  Only if you think incurring one’s boyfriend’s wrath is a Good Thing.

ford el trans overfull of oil:  Better not tell Johnny. He might get angry.

fuses and solenoids associated with instrument cluster lighting and guages on 2001 mazda millenia:  Generally do not fail until it’s one in the morning and pitch black outside.

ruby red squirt statin:  For kids with high cholesterol, no doubt.

black jailbait teens twerking in the nude booty shorts or panties:  Hey, at least he isn’t picky.

tammy monkey dust:  You might spread this over the ultimate waste product of Purina Monkey Chow.

property taken by imminent domain for windstar casino:  Hence the “Coming Soon” sign.

dustbury hombres:  Sí, señor. Right this way.

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Strange search-engine queries (406)

Yes, it’s Veterans Day, and no, this feature is not taking the day off. I was a soldier once, and I knew that at any moment it could become a 24/7 job.

List The homesex hungry roman emperers in ancient rome:  This is what porn does to you. A year ago, this guy was looking for Hungry Hungry Hippos.

taripal sax xxx pechar:  Well, if you ask me, your spelling is taripal.

quasi-automotive:  About half of the Car Talk Puzzlers are so described.

2001 mercury mystice transmission wont go intodrive:  I do hope your checkbook is primed.

shiri zinn for baci minx:  Sounds like a fair trade to me.

disney’s first law:  “When you wish upon a star…” (You know the rest.)

Company that deals on refurbished Mazda 626 brainbox:  Since the last 626 was made 11 years ago, just finding one should be considered a deal.

where is my 401k money from metris companies:  They borrowed it to rent programmers for healthcare.gov.

Great mens lives begin at forty where the mediocre man’s life ends.The genius remains an ever-flowing fountain of creative achievement, until the very last breath he draws. -Glenn Clarke:  Hmmm. I’ve already beaten the spread by two decades. Who knew?

lmiss you Ø­18:  I miss you too, R2.

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Strange search-engine queries (405)

If you’re new to this feature, allow me to explain: about a third of incoming traffic comes from random Web searches, and what they sought is generally baked into a URL by the search engine. By looking at these URLs, I can see just what it was they were looking for; I have yet, however, to figure out a reason why.

bingage elephant:  Who knew that elephants used Bing?

interstitial space at synapse sleeping:  Hmmm. Now if I could just get some of my own synapses to go to sleep once in a while…

index of troggs .wma:  I don’t know which is more peculiar: the fact that someone’s looking for old Troggs recordings, or the fact that he wants them in Windows Media format.

Pantyhose Crutch Yahoo:  Some people’s fantasies are awfully specific.

Meredith vieria prom dress toplezs:  Some people’s fantasies are awfully specific. And how do you spell “Vieira” correctly and mess up “topless”?

95 merc mystic no speedo and no overdrive:  And probably no vehicle speed sensor either.

busty teen jailbait nude:  Um, teens tend to be jailbait more or less by definition.

rhinemaidens “without clothes”:  This is how you ask for “busty teen jailbait nude” if you have a degree in the humanities.

How is Oklahoma City Community College paying for it’s new Capitol Hill Center?  The community-college district is assessing a $5 fine for every misused (or misunused) apostrophe; the facility should be paid for in full by February.

imaginary haters:  Every paranoid has at least one.

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Strange search-engine queries (404)

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Strange search-engine queries (403)

Inasmuch as the local feed is about three times busier than usual this week, perhaps now is the time to explain this particular feature, which acknowledges the fact that around a third of its traffic comes from random Googlers and Bingers and such — and then looks to see why they were here in the first place.

what it’s the hol d on mazda:  The D, the whole D, and nothing but the D?

Joules mug best price:  Have you seen James Prescott Joule? I wouldn’t give you a nickel for his mug.

jailbait nude twerk:  Going for the trifecta of trouble, are you?

crank/meth. whores experiencing nymphomania & non-stop masturbation: This is the guy from “jailbait nude twerk,” two years later.

www.Gigger Bites and Megger Bites:  And if you’re really lucky, Chigger Bites.

car auto gear brain box cable pulled off:  Well, push it back on. Geez.

40plus busty women:  Careful. Those babes will pull the cable right off your brain box.

monaural hearing stereo:  Unless you’re deaf in one ear — or have a single ear in the middle of your face, which is less likely.

2014 Infiniti Q50 putrid odor inside?  It’s the air of smugness. 3-series Bimmers have had it for years.

Making a poster abont yourself “Learn me Better”:  It’s to be hoped that you know yourself before you start doing a poster.

warehouse operative job descriptions at fiskars:  It’s like working in a warehouse anywhere else, except that when the bell goes off, you Finnish.

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Strange search-engine queries (402)

Visitors who arrive here via search string seem much like Christopher Columbus: he had no real idea where he was going, and he misinterpreted what he found when he got here.

Autoculture Girls Yore:  The curved-dash Oldsmobile, for some reason, was widely considered to be a girly car.

supporthosiery hazards:  Take them off too fast and they fly across the room.

apparently everything causes cancer:  Except cancer treatments. They create bankruptcy.

Geezer fogey codger curmudgeon coot fart:  You’ve just heard the final moments of a Congressional roll call. Thank you for watching C-Span.

61/2 oz coca-cola bottle, bottom says coca-cola shoulder says coca-cola side says Dennison Ohio bottling works:  Do I look like friggin’ Antique Roadshow? Take it back to the store and get your nickel.

jailbait nude naturists:  Only if they’re underage.

does mazda still have trans:  No. The new 3 is powered by a ball of glowing light under the hood.

You are Scheie:  Actually, no, I’m not. Although Scheie comes here occasionally.

the boston rag newspaper:  The Globe, being a broadsheet, makes a better rag than the tabloid-sized Herald.

hello miriam this dee dee the one came saturday to get the micro twist. just took my hair out the ponytail today n cumulative to find out that i got big micro twist in the middle don’t:  look anything like a tired call girl so I guess I wasted my money.

are Americans getting clumsier?  They be trippin, mon.

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Strange search-engine queries (401)

Monday’s child is fair of face, though it hardly seems fair that she should have to face this sort of thing so early in the morning.

andrea myerson documentary who crushed on wendy darling:  Insert “Peter” reference here.

words you don’t hear often:  “The American Congress, the finest legislative body on earth.”

dimentions celebrities:  Generally, larger, or at least wider, than they’d prefer.

see big penis:  Not for celebrities, I hope.

do batou dolphins have blowhole sex:  They will, but it’s an extra fifty fish.

invisible girl reappears:  Yeah, they do that. Eventually.

strict dress code, outlawing of alcohol and drugs, a ban on pork not unlike the Kosher diet common in Judaism, ban of interest charges on loans, and restrictions of art representation:  Generally are not characteristic of individuals seeking to plagiarize their way to a passing grade in their Comparative Religions class.

manny has been a coffee drinker since he started college three years ago. now he realizes that anytime he smells coffee when he enters a nearby starbucks he:  Is about to spend six bucks.

he must see life not as a vale of tears but as a happy time; he must take joy in his work, without regarding it as the end and all of living:  And once in a while, he should stop in at Starbucks for a six-buck coffee.

U must be kidding, right … yahya my selular is Blowbat … i will charge my selular … so sorry yahya I hv to go … see u later:  You can so turn off autocorrect.

kirsten vangsness wears dresses only:  I could swear I saw her in a pair of shoes once.

clopfics in google docs:  Probably, though there are better ways of getting some tail.

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Strange search-engine queries (400)

A crisp fall Monday morning — your weather may vary — and another stack of weird search terms, harvested from our own super-high-quality, better-than-bad (they’re good!) logs.

1969 john deere model 60 tractor carburetor linkage diagram:  Really, tractors in that era were as simple as, um, farm implements.

“schools” “white flight” “force whites”:  Why do I suspect this is someone’s school assignment?

how to add an aux input to a 1998 626:  Trust me, you’d be better off adding a new head unit.

scam “check for buying a car”:  You should assume that anything whatsoever that appeals to your sense of greed is a scam.

man deliberately amputated penis after diagram:  Boy, I’d hate to see that diagram.

eric burdon and drug abuse:  Not to mention the occasional wine spillage.

will ford bring back the probe:  Not likely. Your loins will have to go on aching on their own.

hoon it might consern:  Careful. You might be setting yourself up for a Probe.

post menopausal closet communist hag:  Are you serious? None of our communist hags are in the closet anymore.

www. what is cyclical phenomenon?  Say, didn’t you ask this last week?

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