Archive for Rag Trade

Not at all down at the heels

They’re slick enough to make finding an exact match out there trickier than I expected. The shoe this most resembles is “Skipper,” which is pretty sharp for $119.

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Your eyes should not be here

The word to be heard from Coffs Coast:

Ask any woman for the top 10 banes of her life and I swear she’ll say “bras”.

For such an insignificant — though often pricey — piece of upholstery, bras routinely fail at their key performance indicators — namely to support, be comfortable and look reasonably attractive.

Too much lace and you look like there’s an echidna scrambling around under your T-shirt.

Too padded and you’re sure to let someone down. Too wired and the damn thing will twist out of shape in the washing machine and torment you for the rest of its viable life.

Which is why the new bra advertisement from Berlei is so spot on it made me laugh out loud.

This is the ad. It’s here because social media had a hissy fit about it.

Why on earth are Facebook and Instagram banning it on the spurious grounds that it’s “offensive”? Offensive to who?

Surely not to the half of the population who endure bra contortion every day of their lives. Surely not to the other half who could do with a reality check on what it’s like to live with a pair of, at times, pesky mammaries.

For a site that’s been accused of imperialism in India, live streaming of human rights violations, propagating fake news and spying on users, it’s laughable that the social media giant has come over all prissy when it comes to breasts.

Berlei, founded in Australia 100 years ago, has expanded only to New Zealand and the United Kingdom. I suspect they know what kind of response they could expect, were they to run ads like this in the State.

(Via Breaking Shame [NSFW].)

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Is this the shoe for you?

Made by adidas specifically for Oktoberfest, this shoe addresses many of the issues associated with that legendary German celebration:

“Durable Puke and Beer Repellent.” Why didn’t someone think of this before?

HelloGiggles reports that you can buy these in the States for a lofty $240. Try to hold back your reaction until the shoes are actually delivered.

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Our new selfie queen

Actually, my daughter, while she fears no lens — she has a YouTube channel, fercryingoutloud — is not one to spend time on the art of the selfie.

Then this turned up:

Rebecca Carson 2017

I know that look. It says “I’ve got to do this.”

Of course, I asked about the shoes:

Chase + Chloe Kimmy-36 T-strap shoe

The Chase & Chloe Web site says firmly: wholesale only. Just the same, you can find this shoe on Amazon for a price less than $40. (It varies somewhat with size and color.) It was chosen, though, not because it was inexpensive, but because it has a definite retro look to it. I think. It certainly wasn’t because I am perhaps overly fond of T-straps.

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My week in unblocked ads

Variations on this theme have been appearing, for me anyway, on Fark:

Advertisement for MM.LaFleur

We will stipulate that their model, dressed thusly, does indeed look great. But I admit to wondering about that Bento Box business, especially since “bento” as I know it is basically a Japanese box lunch.

So I dialed over, and found:

Let us help you build your ultimate professional wardrobe — no shopping necessary.

We’d love to send you a Bento™ Box of office-appropriate staples that will fit you to a T. We currently carry products that fit women who typically wear sizes 0P–22W, and your dedicated stylist will hand-pick pieces based on your fit and style preferences. There’s absolutely no commitment — we’re not a subscription service.

And in that box?

Each box contains 4–6 wardrobe staples that might include dresses, separates, knits, or accessories. Prices range from $110 for a chic work top to $325 for a statement dress.

Three twenty-five does not strike me as a lofty price for a statement dress. (Your mileage may vary.)

Okay, how does it work?

We’ll deliver your Bento right to your door (U.S. only for now). You have four days to try everything on free of charge, and returns are insanely easy. Keep what you like; send back what you don’t. Shipping is free both ways, and there’s absolutely no commitment (we’re not a subscription service).

My pesky Inner Child, a girl not yet ten, is already fangirling over this idea; she’d almost certainly get involved with something like this, if she ever bothered to grow up.

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Sorry I missed you

When the Cheezburger Network first exploded all over the Net, a couple of dozen sub-sites appeared, one of them called Poorly Dressed, which might be considered a godmother to People of Wal-Mart. The poorlydressed.com domain seems to have passed to new owners since then, but some of the pictures were memorable, if only because they were so horrible.

Then there’s the one picture I kept from those days, and frankly, I’d substitute “cleverly” for “poorly”:

She blends right into the upholstery

This borders on trompe l’oeil. In fact, it could possibly trompe both les yeux.

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Whatever you Choos

Jimmy Choo left the company that bears his name in 2001; last month, that company was bought by Michael Kors Holdings for £896 million. A few of those pounds came from Lorna Burford, in exchange for this pair of shoes:

Jimmy Choo Romy 100 Glitter shoes

She says:

These are the Jimmy Choo Romy 100 in Peacock Glitter and they’re literally one of the most sexiest and prettiest pair of shoes I have seen. I’m hoping the photos do them justice, but they don’t capture their beauty in real life as well unfortunately, but I’m sure you can see just how sparkly they are! They are part of the AW17 collection and feature the classic pointed toe and stiletto heel that the Romy is known for. This pair is in the blue ombre glitter, called Peacock, with a metallic blue heel and leather piping details. They’re of course made in Italy and are a one of a kind shoe, which I simply cannot fault, so here they are!

In this instance, “100” denotes the heel height in centimeters, a smidgen short of four inches; some versions are also available in a slightly less lofty 85 cm. On the acquisition, Lorna says:

This particular pair of shoes I purchased on Farfetch last month when I had a discount code (they usually have them). They are quite pricey and have a retail amount of £475, but that is pretty good for Jimmy Choo and on the ever so slightly cheaper side for a glitter shoe from a high end designer label. As an example, a pair similar to this from Christian Louboutin would cost about £485 (and are nowhere near as pretty), so it’s an average price.

For certain values of “average,” I guess. Still, at $618 that’s a whole heck of a lot of sparkly, even though, as Lorna says, “they are not extremely versatile.”

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Runway, indeed

Actually, they’re not running at all; but Chinese fashion models move at high speed just the same:

In television and movies, modeling photo shoots are often portrayed at a leisurely pace. The subject might strike many poses over the course of a minute, but there’s no real sense of urgency to them. That’s not the case for fashion models in China, where such time would be seen as a luxury. In reality, they’ve got to make over a hundred outfit changes in a single day, so posing fast is a necessity. And as behind-the-scenes videos demonstrate, these female model poses are done at an effortless-yet-lightning speed.

Taobao is to China what Amazon is to you or me. And they’re in a hurry:

Modeling for Taobao is no easy feat. According to Chinadaily, some of these models make more than 700 poses over the course of 150 outfits, all within the span of a work day. They have one minute to change their clothes and a 10-minute lunch break. The intensity, however, is worth it — top models can earn up to 元10,000 (or around $1,500) per day.

I am duly impressed.

(Via @ShoeTease.)

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Pass it off as color block

A Sunday-afternoon discussion between shoeblogger and, um, me:

This was the shoe being debated:

Choca by Christian Louboutin

The official Louboutin description:

“Choca” plays up the strappy sandal inspiration this season. The slender cross straps overlap and curve around the ankle, anchored by a chic covered buckle strap. This pair in multicolored patent leather is a head-turning beauty.

This heel stands 100 mm (a hair under 4 inches), and the price is a moderate (for Louboutins) $845.

And shoeblogger will not be daunted by my mockery:

Confession: I’d love to see her in these, but I suspect this isn’t happening.

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We scorn eating records

But someone on roller skates — high-heeled roller skates, mind you — spinning three hula hoops? Now that’s proper material for a world record:

If you aspire to following the example of Marawa the Amazing, you’ll need something like this:

Roller-skate stilettos by Saint Laurent

Three-inch stiletto heels, with a roller-skate wheel attached to the bottom and a kick-stop brake — because it’s just so easy walking in a normal pair of heels.

Aptly dubbed the Anja 100 Patch Pop Pump Roller, the heels are part of Saint Laurent’s autumn/winter collection and are yours for a mere $2,600.

Not mine, they aren’t.

Nor is this Marawa’s only record: she has spun 162 hoops at a time. Wearing proper sneakers, I might add.

(Via Bayou Renaissance Man.)

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Here we go loop de loop

I remember these; I don’t remember them being so goshdarn new at the time:

Have you ever wondered why there’s a loop on the back of button-down shirts? At the point where the pleat meets the yoke (the tailoring term for a pattern piece that fits around the neck and shoulders), there’s a tiny loop of fabric. But does it serve a purpose?

Well, according to TODAY, the loops first came about back in the 1960s and were called “locker loops.” They were designed for young men to hang up their shirts in Ivy League locker rooms, so they would stay wrinkle-free while the students played sports or exercised. Pretty clever! After all, there’s not really room for a hanger in a small locker. Sailors also used the loops to hang up their shirts while changing on the ship.

Permanent press? Never heard of it.

I did hear of this, though I was never involved personally:

The loops later took on more significance. Also known as “fruit loops,” the little pieces of fabric would be pulled off by teenage girls to indicate that they had a crush on the boy wearing the shirt. Wearing a shirt sans loop would signify that a man was taken, and a lady would wear her beau’s scarf to show off her relationship status. Wow, dating rituals sure have changed, huh? Think of it as an old-school promise ring.

Fool that I was, I handed over an actual ring. Her parents, while they had no particular objection to me, thought this was entirely too presumptuous of me, which it probably was.

(Via Patrick’s Place. You already know the song.)

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The vanishing bra

No, this isn’t a reference to the fact that many women would just as soon do without. It’s a clothing hack that startled me, and I’m passing it on to you:

[S]omewhere toward the back of that drawer there’s a stash of lovely unmentionables that are rarely worn because your skin-toned favorite is on such constant rotation. Ready to add a little color to your life and give your boring bra a break? Here’s a secret: You can wear a red bra under a white shirt (and no one will be able to tell).

Wait, what?

Although it seems like this defies the laws of color theory, that’s exactly what makes this work. “We all have some element of red or pink in our skin, so once you layer white over it, the red blends in with your skin’s natural undertones,” explains Candece Etafo, a stylist for lingerie company Rigby & Peller. There is a tiny caveat, however. “I like to compare it to red lipstick,” says Etafo. “There is a perfect shade for everyone, so you might have to try a few different hues to find the perfect red for you.” Meaning some lucky ladies will be able to pull off a bright scarlet bra under a white tee, but darker skin tones will have better luck with a deeper shade, like burgundy. Others may want to consider reds with tones of pink or even orange.

If you test this for yourself, we’d love to hear from you. (Because we’re not going to test it ourselves.)

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Stretching a point

Or half a point, anyway, but that’s not happening. First, a word from the designer:

Susana Traça is a former model and Angola native who has used the memories, experiences and expertise gleaned from years travelling the world to produce a range of exceptionally crafted footwear that’s imbued with her own personal style and international aesthetic. Watch out for her unique take on classic designs, from chunky-soled, neon bright espadrilles in animal prints and glitters to tasselled sandals in sun burnt shades of amber, russet and chocolate brown.

I can appreciate this take, I think:

Pump by Susana Traça

Tatyana had picked out a gorgeous dress (by Alberta Ferretti) to go with this shoe. And, as always, she was more than prepared to explain her choices:

Angles and bands/stripes thing that’s going on is corresponding to the dress’ angles/bands — look at the neckline, it’s just like the “nose” of the shoe.

The color is the same (good) but the texture is not (great!), it adds variety — there is nothing that says “trying too much” as matchy-matchy texture.

The curve from sole to the stiletto is elegant, not too high — which is not only uncomfortable to move in, it would make for a wrong silhouette (leaning into toes, too strained).

The maryjane buckle is high, almost at the ankle, but it’s still not a “dog collar” around the ankle: unusual for contemporary party pump, it makes it look like 1920’s flapper shoe — which I simply love!

Nothing here I could possibly take exception to. However, it was never meant to be:

The dress is 2 sizes too big (not per label), the shoes ½ size too small and look like something from a circus “parade alle”.

I feel some of her disappointment.

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FLOTUS blossoms

From the increasingly misnamed neo-neocon, a bit of political fashion commentary:

Shortly after Donald Trump was elected, I said that one thing I planned to enjoy was Melania’s fashions.

And so I have.

I especially love the simple, elegant suit that Melania wore today on her visit to France. Not everyone can wear these midi skirts; it helps to be tall, and Melania is almost six feet tall even without her heels, so she can wear it with tremendous panache (hey, that’s French!).

Melania Trump and Brigitte Macron, side by side in Paris

I point out merely for completeness that Michelle Obama is almost six feet tall even without her heels, though I concede that this red suit would not have been ideally cut for her; Mrs O would not have looked her best with that skirt length.

Then there’s Mme Macron’s dress, which is not especially loved:

I feel for Macron’s wife Brigitte having to stand next to her. Not only is she about fifteen years older than Melania, but she’s so much smaller she would look like a pipsqueak in comparison no matter what she wore. But I see her choice as especially infelicitous. A miniskirt? Why? I know she must think her legs are her best feature (I share that conceit about myself) and the legs tend to be the last thing to go, but miniskirts except for the most casual of occasions are not flattering to those over 60. Maybe not even for those over 50. They make us look somewhat desperate, I think.

Brigitte Macron on the beachI admit here that I’m not entirely sure about that last bit. In my experience — caution: small sample — women who think their legs are their best feature are usually correct in this judgment, and with few exceptions, they know how to deploy them for maximum effect. This shot of Mme Macron on the beach, wearing a presumably tiny swimsuit and a short coverup, persuades me that she knows what she’s doing. Admittedly, beachwear is expected to be somewhat abbreviated, and it seems unlikely that she’d wear a dress that short, but the First Rule of Hemlines — you can go as high as you like so long as you don’t expose something that really ought not to be exposed — tells me that she could go at least a couple of inches above the knee without any hint of scandal. (And, come to think of it, she has.) For a woman my age (we were both born the same year) this isn’t exactly miraculous, but it is something I would never, ever want to discourage.

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To know a veil

In 1933, Alfred Angelo Piccione and his lovely bride Edythe Vincent Piccione set up a shop catering to other lovely brides. You have to figure, given the American tendency to spend like crazy on weddings, that this business would be as recession-proof as you could possibly imagine.

And today it’s dead. Sixty-two Alfred Angelo stores nationwide, including one just up the street from me, were shuttered today, and the scene at the corporate office in Florida was pretty much an evacuation. No mention of it on the company web site, though.

At the Oklahoma City store, employees were telling customers to come pick up their orders before 8 pm. Similar stories are being reported nationwide.

And elsewhere? Wednesday this episode of Undercover Boss USA aired on a British TV channel:

Paul Quentel, president of Alfred Angelo, the second largest bridal retailer in the United States, goes undercover to solve any problems as quickly as possible. Posing as a contestant on a reality TV competition, he works among his own staff.

You just might have been a little bit late on that, Paul.

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Like walking on pillows

Cristina has a pair of these in teal, and that’s exactly how she describes them. Of course, this obligates me to check their papers:

Vionic Rest Nala Leather T-Strap Triple Stud Sandals

You’re looking at the red version of the Vionic Rest Nala Leather T-Strap Triple Stud Sandals, which Dillard’s has recently knocked down to $80 from $100. There are also black and white versions, though only the teal (at this writing) remains available in all the even sizes from 5 to 11. The straps are leather, the footbed EVA wrapped in microfiber.

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Not who you think it is

Jennifer Hast got to this point on her Shoe Calendar, and she was generous enough to share:

Minna Parikka shoe that is not at all Rainbow Dash

Of course, my first response was “There’s a shoe calendar?”

And after jumping to conclusions, I thought: “Hold on there. Rainbow Dash doesn’t have a horn.”

Which is the point: this means that Finnish shoe designer Minna Parikka, who put out this shoe in 2015 for a staggering €345, is wise enough to avoid the mighty lawyers of Hasbro.

Or maybe not: it’s called “Celestia.”

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Fuzz dispensers

Apparently such things are available at retail, though not identified as such:

I spend the majority of Friday nights washing my towels. I do this because I bought what I thought were nice towels. But they are actually fuzz dispensers. So, when I use these nice, fluffy black towels to dry my body after a shower, they cover me in a layer of fuzz. The internet said that if I washed them with vinegar or baking soda that all would be fixed.

This is false.

I’ve washed them twice with vinegar, and twice with baking soda, and once I even mixed some vinegar and baking soda in the washing machine like I was making a science fair volcano. Still covered in fuzz post-shower. I washed them about 8 times regularly. Nothing is working, so I’m pretty much doomed to a life of washing towels in the vain hope that they will no longer leave me looking like a swarthy muppet when I get out of the shower.

They just don’t make fluff like they used to.

These must be made of that newfangled fabric which, when you finally find the tag for Washing Instructions, tells you simply “Don’t ask.”

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Suitable for a saint

Annemarie Dooling comes face to, um, foot with the shoe of her summer dreams:

I looked at the sleek leather sandals with jealousy. I’d been searching for a supple brown leather pair just like this for weeks, with thin ankle straps and hearty soles to handle New York streets in the summer, and coming up empty, so I could hardly believe when another pair of feet strolled on next to these in the same sandals. What kind of impossibly, effortlessly stylish Italian women were these? I lifted my head to get a good look, only to come face-to-face with two nuns in full habit.

Now that’s “style” in the classic sense. This is the sort of shoe she had in mind:

Leather flats from Zara

From Zara to Brother Vellies to Jeffrey Campbell, every single shoe I want for this summer looks like something my nonna took off her foot to wave at me when I was a bratty child. It was a familiar summer scene in my neighborhood of Bensonhurst, Brooklyn: Wild children running amok down 18th Avenue, nonnas in tow, waving shoes and yelling for Gina or Anthony to get home for supper. And yet here those flat slippers are, appearing not in the hand of a curly-haired grandmother, but on the feet of the most gorgeous of fashionable New York ladies. And the stylish sisters of Assisi, Italy. And if we’re keeping score, St. Francis gets originality points for this one.

The sample above comes from Zara, and runs a mere $39.90.

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In search of timelessness

Susannah Davda, the Shoe Consultant™ of Britain, writes:

With no guarantee of a long summer in the UK, I always advise my VIP clients to select timeless sandals which will last them for several years.

Which isn’t a bad idea even outside of the UK. But what exactly makes a sandal timeless? A few of these ideas make particularly good sense to me:

Avoid heavily embellished styles (e.g. beading, embroidery, appliqué) as they can date easily.

“Oh, yes. I remember those. They were all the rage in 2014, for about a week and a half.” Unless you have a budget for throwaway shoes, it’s probably better to pass those beaded wonders by.

Do select colours which complement your entire summer wardrobe. Chances are the weather won’t justify a drastic change to these seasonal items any time soon.

This is true. Summer runs for about four, even five months here on the prairie. But we’ve all seen days where winter and summer seem to be nestled together, cheek by jowl, and dressing for those days, I fear, will always be somewhat problematic.

Avoid exact high street copies of styles from the catwalk. There’s too much chance of having the same sandals as someone else.

Then again, timeless designer styles tend to have timeless mass-market copycat versions; consider, if you will, Stuart Weitzman’s “Nudist” vs. Steve Madden’s “Stecy.”

Down at the salt mine where I toil, there are women who swear by specific brands: one buys SAS whenever possible, another swears by Skechers. (Then again, I have never seen the Skechers fan in sandals, which may be just as well, since Skechers doesn’t make a lot of sandals to begin with.)

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By her gams shalt thou know her

I was Farking along one evening when I caught this ad for Katy Perry’s new shoe line:

Online ad for Katy Perry Collections

The logo was swell, I thought, but what’s with the disembodied legs? I mean, yeah, hers are fine, but it’s not like they’re much of a trademark. And the last time there were any serious candids of Katy, she found herself upstaged by Orlando Bloom’s tallywhacker. (They are no longer a couple.)

Still, this is apparently what she wants. Dial up KatyPerryCollections.com and this is the second sliding image:

Online splash for Katy Perry Collections

And from the About page:

Katy Perry’s vision, eye for detail and cheeky spirit give her footwear collection a distinct personality.

Inspired by Katy’s travels, humor and extraordinary imagination, the footwear reflect her whimsical approach towards life.

Designed 100% by Katy Perry

Okay, I’ll take “whimsical.”

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Jute allures

Are espadrilles comfortable? Cristina says no, not usually:

More often than not, I would have to say no to that question. Especially with respect to the classic jute-soled, unlined styles that are both scratchy & lacking foot support.

But like so many other rules, it’s proved by the exception, this time from Vionic:

The “Calypso” is a comfortable espadrille wedge that features a jute-wrapped heel, canvas toe cap, rubber outsole & ankle straps. But the best part of this wedge isn’t just its fabulous look: it’s the comfortable foot bed with arch support. I’ve walked a few times in these shoes & they’re a fantastic shoe that you can actually walk in comfortably.

They have a 2.37 inch heel which is the perfect amount of height to lengthen the look of your legs, but also allow for actual walking! These strappy espadrilles are perfectly acceptable to wear to & from the office, to brunch & to take with you on your next vacation. They’re somewhere in between fancy & casual, so they can easily take you from day to night.

Calypso shoe by Vionic, sliced from a photo by Joel Gale

Now to me, 2.37 inches sounds awfully specific, what with all those presumably significant digits, so the first thing I did was do the metric conversion. It comes out to some trifling amount over 6 cm. The price rounds up to $140.

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In the days before pants

What the well-half-dressed woman was wearing half a century ago:

1967 advertisement for Laura Mae blouses

Were it not for the Really Big Hair, especially to the right, you might think this was a trio of slightly overgrown tweens at a slumber party. Certainly they’re not trying to sell you on the sexiness of these blouses: the big deal here, apart from the $4 price tag, is the permanent-press feature, still fairly newish in 1967. (Brooks Brothers had come up with wash-and-wear shirts in 1953, but it would be a couple of decades before permanent press would approach universality.)

M. Serman and Company put out blouses under a variety of brand names, including Alexa, Runway 1, and Windfall; they faded in the 1980s and were gone shortly thereafter.

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Can this be the shoe for you?

There’s at least a reasonable chance that it will fit:

Madison by Pixie Cove

Pixie Cove on sizing:

It is well recognised that there is no single measurement in footwear sizing, there is a range, a small range but nevertheless, a range. Our sizes are true to size American sizes and we provide the exact measurements on the product page. We do advise all customers to double check their foot length against the measurements provided.

All widths are standard medium (B, M). This is based on the American medium footwear sizing. The width of any piece of footwear depends on the shoe length.

“Madison,” shown above in pink (black and white variants are available), can be had in that magical B width in sizes 4 through 16 (no half sizes) for $43.99; through Wednesday you can knock $11 off.

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Loosening up a bit

An Ohio hospital has rethought its dress code:

Summa Health’s female employees can toss their pantyhose and set their toes free in open-toed shoes at work.

And all employees can uncover tattoos, except facial tattoos or those containing profanity or other offensive images.

The health system on Wednesday issued a memo relaxing several parts of a controversial dress code imposed nearly two years ago by the previous hospital administration.

At the time, Summa officials said the dress code was updated to boost professionalism and safety. Then Summa President and CEO Dr. Tom Malone also got himself into hot water when he knocked Walmart shoppers in front of a large Akron Roundtable crowd when asked why a stricter dress code was needed.

“Must be a generational thing,” remarked Sister Toldjah.

One particular provision, however, will remain intact:

Registered nurses wear black scrub tops and bottoms; non-RN/LPNs wear solid color Caribbean blue. Some nurses and patients said they didn’t like the black scrub color choice in particular, feeling that nurses could look like “angels of death.”

The policy, which also started in 2015 under Malone, was reviewed at the time by the Summa Health Nurse Practice Council and the council “agreed that consistent colored scrubs is good for patients and co-workers to identify nurses.” No re-evaluation of the practice is being planned.

And I suspect there was no demand by nurses to wear tall, strappy sandals.

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I will close four hundred stores

And then I’ll close four hundred more.

Last month, Payless ShoeSource filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, and immediately announced a list of 400 stores on the chopping block, including the one closest to me.

But that was last month. Now the company has asked the court for permission to shut down 408 more.

The first round included 12 Oklahoma stores; the second adds (or, technically, subtracts) six more. Will we lose all eighteen? Maybe, maybe not:

Keep in mind that this isn’t a final list of stores that will be closing. It’s a list of stores where the company hasn’t been able to negotiate a good enough rent concession, and it’s asking for permission to close these stores if the retailer and its landlords can’t negotiate a rent that both parties are happy with. There will be a hearing on this motion, among others, on June 8.

Payless has just over 4000 stores — for the moment.

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Just enough of a shoe

Once again, we check in with the proprietor of a shoe store in yonder Paseo Arts District:

Once again, she’s chosen a shoe by Pour la Victoire. “Hazel” here, described as “shimmering and sexy,” can be had in sizes up to 11 (!) in silver or black. Height is three inches; price is $275.

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Where the scales fail

A friend of long standing — coming up on twenty years — delivered this plaintive wail on Facebook:

I despise clothes shopping.

Most people are between sizes. I am between that “This is so my style and I love it and want it but it’s for 25 year olds” and “This is probably what I should wear but I’m not ready to fast forward 25 years because OMG these prints are so freakin’ dowdy but they’re for women your age” stage.

So I bought an umbrella.

Eminently sensible, she is.

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These jeans aren’t all there

By which I mean these jeans:

Cutout detachable jeans

The latest double-duty demin doozies come in bleached blue or black, and are equally absurd from the front and the back — which is all about celebrating underbutt. Thank (or not) the design folks at Y/Project and Opening Ceremony, where the two-in-one trousers are on sale for $425.

Still, these are better-looking than the jeans with the clear plastic panel and far better-looking than the jeans with the clear plastic everything.

(Via Martin Lieberman.)

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Sort of hot-swappable

We mentioned this about six months ago, as found at HelloGiggles:

Meet German shoe retailer Mime et Moi! Back in April, the brand started a Kickstarter campaign to create one shoe that has five different heel heights! (We will give you a second to bask in that awesomeness.) High heels really do complete certain outfits! So say goodbye to painful feet, and HELLO to blissful fashion. The heel options range from stilettos to flats. With a quick snap on/off option so you will be able to change your look in 1,2,3!

I said at the time: “The Kickstarter raised nearly €20,000 from European Union countries; I don’t know if they’ve started retail sales in the States yet.”

Six months later, it appears they have:

Lugging around all those spare parts might be something of a nuisance, though.

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