The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

19 September 2002

Ordure of the day

10:15 am: "Slow drain" reported to management.

5:15 pm: First acknowledgment of report. Minion inspects tub, finds a small quantity of damp detritus, flushes bowl, watches quantity of detritus increase twofold.

5:20 pm: Minion returns with quart bottle of Volcano Extract or something, spritzes a quarter of it down drain.

5:25 pm: "Didn't work. I'll call the plumber."

5:50 pm: Entire building is suffused with the gentle aroma of discarded jockstraps. I decide I will not cook tonight, and order pizza.

6:20 pm: Pizza is delivered.

7:00 pm: Tub now half-full of brown, brackish, bubbling brew.

7:50 pm: Level of said brew recedes to half an inch. I pour two gallons of boiling water into the cauldron.

8:00 pm: Nasty phone call to management.

8:04 pm: Management advises that plumbers are "on the way".

8:10 pm: Begin questioning neighbors. Upstairs residents report no problems; downstairs residents aren't home.

10:45 pm: Winds kick up to 60 mph; storm begins.

11:25 pm: Peak of the storm; winds exceeding 65 mph, rain falling at 0.05 inch per minute.

11:27 pm: Plumbers arrive.

12:05 am: Plumbers, having run both ends of line, report no blockage; suspect combination of Volcano Extract and boiling water may have loosened up the clog.

12:10 am: Off to bed at last.

5:15 am: But it doesn't last, does it?

Posted at 7:00 AM to Dyssynergy