Graven in stone

Members of a class of Joshua Claybourn's were asked to compose their own epitaphs. (I don't know what class, and I didn't ask him.)

I've thought about this myself on and off, and the following have occurred to me:

• "This is worse than a dial-up"
  
• "At least the phone doesn't ring"
  
• "Comments (0)"
  
• "Worms don't really play pinochle"
  
• "27370 days until copyrights expire"
  
• "No updates today"
  
• "I'm surprised the kids spent money on this"
  
• "cgh@rest.finally"
  
• "I suppose I was late for this too"