The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

8 December 2002

To Hellmann's and back

"What is it about Southerners and mayonnaise?" asks Kevin McGehee, and he's not kidding:

[W]hen you put mayonnaise on a hamburger, you are offending the spirit of the noble cow that kindly gave its life for your sustenance.

I estimate that over the past four decades, I have uttered some variation on the theme of "Hold The Mayo, Dammit" literally a thousand times, so I can relate.

And remember: revenge is a dish best served with tangy Miracle Whip®.

Posted at 6:19 PM to Almost Yogurt


When you put ANYTHING on a burger, other than cheese and/or bacon, it's a Sin. Lettuce? Tomato? No way. If I wanted a salad, I'd order a salad!

Posted by: DavidMSC at 9:52 PM on 8 December 2002

On the Atkins diet, are we? :)

Posted by: CGHill at 7:12 AM on 9 December 2002

Onions! A burger must have loads of onions. And I agree about the mayo. Mayonnaise on a hamburger? eeuuuwww!

Posted by: Lynn at 8:10 AM on 9 December 2002

Mustard, pickles, onions, cheese. Jalapenos if they're really hot, otherwise pickles. That is all.

Posted by: Scott Chaffin at 7:54 PM on 9 December 2002

Now, a roast-beef and cheddar samwich benefits from one slice being slathered with Miracle Whip, and laced with horseradish...

Posted by: Scott Chaffin at 7:55 PM on 9 December 2002

Somebody actually linked my mayonnaise rant? Either there are actually two lives out there needing to be got (mine, and yours), or I've found the defining issue that will catapult me to fame and fortune.

Posted by: Kevin McGehee at 4:41 PM on 13 December 2002

Well, $DEITY knows I don't have a life, so there's still a chance that this might be your lucky day.

Posted by: CGHill at 4:56 PM on 13 December 2002