The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

7 April 2003

South Park overrun by Canadians

Despite my relatively high proximity to the place, I've never actually set foot in Colorado. And if The Fat Guy has assessed the place accurately, I may not want to:

I am severely under-impressed with this so-called Western state of Colorado. Where are all the hard-drinking mountain men and women? There's nothing but a bunch of ragamuffin, dreadlocked, stinky white kids in Birkenstocks here. But I know how I'm gonna feed myself in a few years — just open up a ski/hike/bike shop here. None of them ever go out of business, and there are about 80 of them in spitting distance. It's an amazing economic study, and I suspect propping up by rich parents and spouses in a few cases. I mean, how many backpacks can one person buy?

I'm sure someone (probably in the People's Republic of Boulder) has calculated the optimum backpack-to-Birks ratio.

Connecticut is starting to look better as a vacation destination, despite the distance.

Posted at 3:53 PM to Dyssynergy


Haven't actually been there myself -- except to change planes and that doesn't count -- but I'm prepared to suggest that Boulder isn't really "in" Colorado, any more than San Francisco is really "in" the West.

Oh, the maps may say so, and you may actually have to pass through the one to get to the other, but there is, I am sure of it, an Infinite Improbability field surrounding the space allegedly hosting Boulder (and S.F., and myriad other geographically anomalous locales) that facilitate one's easy (and not immediately queasy) transfer to some other planet or dimension.

TFG might want to venture into (or, better still, over) the mountains, or eastward into the plains, before he judges Colorado too harshly. From what I've seen on the Internet, though, he should shy away from Durango, which seems also to have one of those IIF thingies.

Posted by: Kevin McGehee at 5:05 PM on 7 April 2003

You mean I'll have to deal with Zaphod Beeblebrox if I want to go to, say, Berkeley?

Done. (Ten out of ten points for style, and he can't possibly be any weirder than anything Mean Mr. Mustard has to endure.)

Posted by: CGHill at 5:42 PM on 7 April 2003

As always, those comments seem harsh the day after, but in this case I'll stand by them. My hotel is ringed with bums or hobos or somesuch that any self-respecting municipality would have run off long ago. I'm not even talking about the students at CU, either. They, at least, are young and stupid. The rest of this place is disturbing. Frex, the admin/dominatrix at my place of business reminded us Neanderthal outlanders no less than six times today that there was a recycle bin in the room for plastic bottles and aluminum cans. I'm all for recycling, but if she instead insisted that everyone bring a cup from home and drink out of the tap, there would be no need to recyle water bottles, would there?

And yes -- Denver seems to a fully red-blooded place with baseball, hockey, steak joints and titty-bars abounding, as any good Western city should do. Practically a mini-Dallas. Sad that it's an hours' drive from here, and who wants to do that with a couple of triple-Knob Creeks sloshing around inside?

Posted by: Scott Chaffin at 11:29 PM on 7 April 2003

Well, it's important that you support your bottled-water supplier — even if it turns out to be owned by one of the cola manufacturers through a shell company and even if their fresh-artesian-spring product is drawn from somebody's kitchen sink in South Carolina.

At least, that's the way it was explained to me, sort of.

Posted by: CGHill at 7:11 AM on 8 April 2003

I couldn't help but leave a comment (I came across your page while doing research). I was actually born here in boulder. yeah, its great being a stinky quasi white kid with hemp woven kicks. There is no place like Boulder man. You should try it some day. If you like something unconventional. I think you would be suprised--this place is beautiful and amazing and if you have to ignore that you haven't lived.

Posted by: cassie at 12:52 AM on 10 April 2003

Back around the Era of Nixon, I actually was a stinky quasi-white kid, though I eschewed Birkenstocks in favor of electric-green suedes. (Don't ask.) I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with vast quantities of younger versions of me. :)

Posted by: CGHill at 7:35 AM on 10 April 2003