The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

10 April 2003

Thoroughly hosed

Spammers are nothing if not indiscriminate; the turgid spew that constitutes the average penis-enlargement ad is bestowed more or less equally upon those who own a version of the organ in question and upon those who do not. This could perhaps be explained away as nondiscriminatory — we are all wangs, says Frank J. — but it strikes me as somewhat profligate: half of this advertising, in true John Wanamaker style, is wasted.

The latest of these annoyances popped into my mailbox with the usual pitch, an origin somewhere in Brazil (and a bogus "remove" address that appeared to be German), and the tag: "Bigger than Shaq's!" Now I know the NBA is overrun with bombast and boastfulness, but I don't recall ever seeing a reference to the dimensions of Li'l Shaquille. Is this something of renown that I've missed, or should I start pestering Snopes about it?

Posted at 7:00 PM to Scams and Spams

Listen, man. I was hanging around waiting for my wife to get out of a meeting in Boston a few years ago and wandered into a shoe store.

There in front of me was this grotesque mockup of a real shoe, only 4 times normal. I made some kind of joke, and the owner told me it was a shoe made special for da Shaq. It seemed to be legit.

If his foot is of that dimension, I don't even wanna imagine...

Posted by: fredf at 6:54 PM on 12 April 2003

Repeated studies have demonstrated no correlation between shoe size and that other size.

As a person who wears a 14EE shoe, I have no comment otherwise.

Posted by: CGHill at 8:10 PM on 12 April 2003