The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

12 April 2003

Lunch is on him

Many of us, from Bart Simpson on down (or on up), have suggested to individuals: "Eat my shorts." And we say this, knowing full well that shorts are never actually eaten.

Well, almost never.

Posted at 9:39 AM to Worth a Fork


I heard that chewing and masticating actually increase your BAC because of the increased saliva. Either way, breathylizers are supposed to measure the particles of alcohol in the breath coming from your lungs, so defeating them is almost impossible.

Also, eating breath mints or chewing gum only serves to mask the alcohol scent, which may prevent you from having to blow in the first place. Once an officer asks you to blow, however, your goose is probably already cooked.

He'd have been better off opening a beer and chugging it in front of the officer. He may get 'drinking in public' (or a pistol whipping), but it would make it hard to prosecute a DUI conviction in court.

Posted by: Ravenwood at 11:41 PM on 12 April 2003

I admit, I wouldn't have had the presence of mind to come up with that particular foil.

Then again, it wouldn't have occurred to me to chow down on my BVDs either.

Posted by: CGHill at 9:12 AM on 13 April 2003