The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

14 April 2003

It only hurts when I awake

Mr Sandman,
Bring me a dream....

Although I'd just as soon not get a rerun of the last one, which was weird beyond even my standards.

Owing to some weird affirmative-action program, it seems I've gotten myself accepted at a college which shall go unnamed — as a girl. Finding this more amusing than appalling, I duly show up to matriculate, only to discover that the Student Health Center is running chromosome checks on a random basis; apparently they've been scammed before. Still I'm resolved to brazen it out, until I discover that Penn and Teller, on a cross-country college tour, have arrived on campus, and not only do P&T have a reputation for exposing frauds, but Penn actually knows me from way back when. (So does Teller, but Teller isn't going to say anything about it.)

So, as Eric Burdon used to say, we gotta get out of this place if it's the last thing we ever do, and while searching for a way out as the forces begin to converge — I'm due at the Health Center momentarily, and Penn's on the way to see me — I find myself assisted briefly by a woman who has no particular interest in either me or my scheme, but who has decided that helping me escape will annoy the administration.

The only real question here, I suppose, is how much of a dosage adjustment this mandates before I turn into a ramblin' wreck. (Oops.)

Posted at 6:55 AM to General Disinterest