The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

19 May 2003

Does anybody really know what time it is?

I bought a new phone for my desk at home: a black, decidedly unsleek box with a speaker at the top and a Caller ID screen just below. I should have known that something was askew when I found no directions for setting the machine's clock.

No, really. You're supposed to let the Caller ID information set the initial time, once you get an actual phone call. Well, okay, it's usually fairly accurate, considering it's from the phone company and all, so I punched up the number on my cell phone and noted that yes, this does work.

And it keeps pretty good time so long as I don't use the cordless on the same line. I don't know what this phenomenon is — some sort of cosmic drain on ringer equivalence, maybe — but if I spend an hour on the cordless, the desk phone will lose ten minutes.

I should hook this up to my fax machine, which gains ten minutes a day, and see if they annihilate one another in a massive explosion of isochronic particles.

Posted at 7:14 AM to General Disinterest


Don't be there if it does. In the immediate vicinity of an isochronic explosion, time goes a little wacky. You could wind up younger above the waste and older below.

Posted by: McGehee at 9:21 AM on 19 May 2003

Everything I have is waste.

Posted by: CGHill at 9:22 AM on 19 May 2003

You know, not for nuffin, and only because I know Charles will not mind my taking up his space to say this, but have I mentioned lately how much I despise the Red Sox? Can a team collectively produce more suckage at bat than these wimp-ass, fall-apart, buckle-at-the-knees, overpaid, undertalented piss-me-off-more-why-dontcha-when-you-have-the-chance-to-pound-the-pissant-Yankees bunch of losers?

Thank you Charles.
Carry on.

Posted by: Vickie at 6:42 PM on 19 May 2003

So, um, er, uh, how about those Indians?

(ducking)

Posted by: CGHill at 7:03 PM on 19 May 2003

Screw them, too, and all of baseball. From now on I am an ardent follower of the San Antonio Spurs, (and not just because Ricky Hamilton is an ex-UConn Husky). Any team that can put away the Lakers by the last two blowout games that they played gets my attention. So now Boston and Cleveland can go suck sewage along with winter.

I think I may need an adjustment on my estrogen patch.

Posted by: Vickie at 7:37 PM on 19 May 2003

Glad am I that I didn't piss her off.

This time, anyway.

Posted by: CGHill at 7:54 PM on 19 May 2003

Cheer for the Mavs! Cheer for the Mavs!

Ummm...I need a new speakerphone for my sad home office. Got any tips that don't include cordless phones? I hate cordless phones, because they're like holding an old Motorola bag-phone up to my head.

Posted by: Scott Chaffin at 10:20 PM on 19 May 2003

Charles, DON'T CROSS THE STREAMS. Just back away from the phone...slowly...

Posted by: David at 6:33 AM on 20 May 2003

Actually, the phone I bought (one of those so-called Southwestern Bell Freedom Phones, licensing a name that used to mean something) is a pretty good little box; the speaker is no worse than others in its size class, the buttons are big and mostly spaced reasonably, and the price ($25 at Target) is right. Just don't depend on the clock in the Caller ID section to tell you the time.

(Incidentally, it also loses time when I run the laptop's dialup on that line. Faster, yet.)

Posted by: CGHill at 7:11 AM on 20 May 2003