The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

6 June 2003

Void where prohibited

Kim du Toit will not give you a sample:

P[ersonnel] A[sshole]: You'll need to visit the Company Nurse for a drug test.

Me: Why? I don't take drugs.

PA: It's policy. (Starting to sound familiar?)

Me: I don't see why I have to prove to you that I don't take drugs — I've already told you I don't. Do you not trust your employees to tell the truth?

PA: It has nothing to do with trust. It's just policy.

Me: But that policy is based upon not believing someone, like me, when they tell you that they don't take drugs.

PA: I'm sorry, but it's just policy.

Me: Want to know my policy?

PA: What's that?

Me: I don't work for companies who don't trust their employees; who don't give them the benefit of the doubt; and who insist on this gross invasion of privacy.

PA: If you want to work for this company, you have to take a drug test.

Me: I think you misunderstood me — I just told you I don't want to work for this company.

42nd and Treadmill routinely inflicts these things on all new hires, on the dubious basis that some of us may at some point be asked to drive a truck, but I suspect that anyone who's been here longer than a few weeks is getting a lot of prescriptions filled.

And sometimes without a prescription, even.

Posted at 9:08 PM to Dyssynergy


Hey! I've met that P.A.! The one I knew had O.P.D., which I think is a pre-req for the job.

(Obnoxious Personality Disorder).

Posted by: fredf at 6:53 AM on 7 June 2003

I applied at one place where the application packet included a personality test. I handed the packet back without filling anything out.

I think I failed the test.

Posted by: McGehee at 7:28 AM on 7 June 2003

When I started here back at the dawn of time, they insisted I fill in Reason for leaving last position. Which I did, with "mutual illness".

Posted by: CGHill at 7:50 AM on 7 June 2003

The government requires drug testing of those who hold security clearances. I've never faild a piss test, but I did fail a polygraph, the first question even, "what is your full name?"

I was allowed a retake... ;-)

Posted by: Sparkey at 12:20 AM on 8 June 2003

When I was inflicted upon the MI branch back in the Seventies, we had random testing based on SSN; I seem to remember getting hit twice in one month.

I befuddle polygraphs: my truths and my fibs are equally stressful. :)

Posted by: CGHill at 7:57 AM on 8 June 2003