The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

19 September 2003

Writhing at Wally World

It started with an observation by J Bowen at No Watermelons Allowed. Noting that Playboy was planning a "Women of Wal-Mart" pictorial, Bowen asserted that "Playboy has really run out of ideas."

I tossed some similar schemes they'd worked up over the years into his comments section, and I figured that would be the end of that — until this popped into my email today:


I myself am a Wal-Mart employee. I don't see why we couldn't do Playboy. I have wanted to pose for this artful magazine for years, Wal-Mart or not, I would do it. I am the mother of three wonderful sons who they themselves would be proud to say [their] mother did a Playboy shoot. We have discussed it more than once. I don't know if you have any ideas on how to contact them so they could come to Texas and have a little fun, but I would love to find that information myself. Not everyone who models for Playboy is a slut, and not everyone that works for Wal-Mart is against this idea. I myself think it would be an exciting experience and my husband thought the very same thing!! Enjoy your day, and pass this on to Playboy, if you so choose: or have the balls.

I have no influence — in fact, I arguably have negative influence — with The House That Hef Built, but Playboy is convinced that Wal-Mart is just jam-packed with "pent-up passion," and who am I to disagree?

Besides, it goes against the grain for me to suggest that a woman keep her clothes on, so if this reader or any other employee of the Bentonville Bastille wishes to see what Playboy has to say, or wants to volunteer for the periodical, the very least I can do is tell her to click here.

Ball count: two.

Posted at 7:52 PM to Almost Yogurt

Linking to this item:

Testes....Testes....1.....2.....3?

Posted by: Stryker at 10:41 PM on 19 September 2003

"Pent-up passion" -- ? Are you suggesting that Wal-Mart is a pent-up house?

Posted by: Francis W. Porretto at 6:33 AM on 20 September 2003

I'm just trying to imagine what a discount store owned by Bob Guccione would be like.

"Always a free feel in the checkout lane."

Oh, and Stryker: Nuts to you. :)


Posted by: CGHill at 8:33 AM on 20 September 2003

Two more and it's a walk. Though how any man can walk with four balls is anybody's guess.

Posted by: McGehee at 11:43 AM on 20 September 2003

Hey, pawnbrokers do all right with three...

Posted by: Francis W. Porretto at 12:38 PM on 20 September 2003

Pool players do it with -16-. Snooker players do it with more. :)

Posted by: Steve at 8:18 PM on 20 September 2003

Maybe, but pool players don't dare scratch.

Posted by: CGHill at 8:26 PM on 20 September 2003

Bowlers, of course, are to be pitied.

Posted by: McGehee at 7:45 AM on 21 September 2003

At least they have only the one ball, even if it does weigh 16 lb.

Posted by: CGHill at 3:33 PM on 21 September 2003