The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

1 October 2003

The insufficiently-beaten path

Poor Kelley, she's been some of the places I've been:

Some items in my personal history reach out and slap me in the face from time to time, reminding me that I am an idiot and that I really, really need to question my own decisions before I run off and do something stupid. I can be exceptionally impulsive, especially when I'm really, really bored. When I was younger and my ideals were higher, purer, and less realistic than they are today, I was prone to do some really silly stuff. And when every decision can change your life, doing silly stuff can be dangerous.

For sheer impulsiveness, I'm not in her league — boredom, maybe — but I've got no shortage of memories I might want to erase, and it's all due to, yes, doing silly stuff.

Lately, I've turned overcautious, the result of having been burned too many times flirting with the flames, and though I wouldn't have thought it possible a few (well, 15 or so) years ago, I seem to be embracing boredom. Maybe it's good for my blood pressure; it certainly doesn't do anything for my sense of — well, I can hardly call it adventure, can I?

It's got to be the control-freak side of me, always lurking in the background, finally assuming dominance. I don't like it much, but I've had so much Thou Shalt Not Be Vulnerable drilled into me over the years that I don't know if there's any possibility of shaking it off. And if there's one thing that's common to all control freaks, it's the fact that sooner or later, they're going to be out of control.

Life, said Damon Runyon, is six to five against: "just enough to keep it interesting." Maybe. Or maybe it's just this:

That's life, that's the linear nature of time at work. It can be scary. It can be exciting. It is never certain, despite our protestations to the contrary.

Posted at 8:40 PM to General Disinterest

TrackBacks if any:

» The Letter Of The Day Is M from Electric Venom
M is for McClintock, whom I'd support, too. M is for mention... as in a mention in Forbes? Magnifique! M is for martinis, that's my prescription. They'll fix this over-cautious thing, you know. (There, now Chaz can claim we played doctors.) M is for my......[read more]
Tracked: October 2, 2003 07:23 PM