The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

21 October 2003

Thinking outside the box

The last box — the one which will be lowered six feet into the earth amid whispers of "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust" — may no longer be adequate. As Americans bulk up, the standard 24-inch casket is becoming a tighter fit than a coach seat on a 737. Nor is cremation necessarily the answer: think "grease fire."

Goliath (!) Caskets of Lynn, Indiana manufactures a 52-inch casket, known informally (and perhaps inevitably) as the "B-52". It won't fit in a three-foot cemetery plot, to be sure, and instead of half a dozen pallbearers, you might need twelve or fifteen.

I'm starting to appreciate Lou Grant's comment: "When the time comes, just stand me outside in the trash can with my hat on."

Posted at 7:57 AM to Dyssynergy

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Unfortunately, you've just reminded me of a Lovecraft story where a character cuts off a corpse's feet to fit it in a casket.

Posted by: sya at 6:28 PM on 21 October 2003

This is, I hope, the first time anything I've said or done has reminded anyone of H. P. Lovecraft.

(Where's my Cthulhu for President sticker?)

Posted by: CGHill at 8:33 PM on 21 October 2003