The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

24 October 2003

The Acidman quiz

Well, why the hell not? The original is here.

1) Does anybody really see a correlation between the size of a man's feet or his nose and the size of his penis?

I wear a size 14 shoe, and my glasses fit; I don't think there is any such correlation.

2) If you are a woman, would you ever get a tit-job? If so, why?

Not applicable, though if I were, I don't think I could afford a good one, and I don't think I could afford the misery of a bad one.

3) If you are a man, would you buy a bionic Roscoe if your dick quit working? If so, why?

It's not like the ol' YCB* is getting any kind of a workout anyway, so probably not.

4) Did you ever sleep with someone and wake up in the morning unable to remember their name? If not, WHY NOT?

No, because the sample size is too small to justify this level of forgetfulness.

5) Which would you rather have for a pet? A DOG or a CAT? If you answer "cat," you've got some serious explaining to do.

Cats are more like me — surly, uncommunicative, indifferent — all of which are probably good arguments for dogs.

6) Do you eat grits for breakfast?

I have before, though not lately; usually I skip breakfast altogether, on the dubious basis that I need those few extra minutes of sleep more than I need a sloshing of nutrient-like substances.

7) What is the most dumb-ass thing you ever did in your life? Was it fun or has it haunted you for years?

I actually fell for the armorer's request for a left-handed barrel stabilizer while I was a lowly E-1.

8) Do you exceed the speed limit regularly when you drive, or just do it occasionally? Don't tell me that you NEVER SPEED you lying shit! Tell the truth!

Most places I go, going the speed limit is an invitation to tailgaters.

9) Describe the happiest day you can remember living.

Working on it yet.

10) Do you believe that some things are worth dying for? If so, name one thing worth dying for and tell me why you feel so strongly about it.

When I joined the Army in 1972, it was mostly because I expected to get drafted and wanted some small say in what they did to me. But a few years of wearing the uniform convinced me that there is merit in the traditional American approach to world affairs, i.e. issue platitudes then kick ass, and if the time comes when we're all needed, well, you've already seen my platitudes.

* Yugoslavian Crotch Bugle. Don't ask.

Posted at 6:37 AM to Screaming Memes

The penis-foot size controversy was resolved by the winner of the 1998 Ig Nobel Prie in statistics. See:

I attended the awards ceremony: Jerald Bain showed up to collect his award. He was a little guy, maybe 5'3", 5'4".

Posted by: Trout Almondine at 3:55 PM on 24 October 2003

Has been my experience as well. Both of the biggest ones I have ever seen were possessed by little guys. Conversely the smallest one was on a well over six footer. So go figure.

Posted by: ms7168 at 9:48 AM on 25 October 2003

Male porn stars tend to fall on the lower end of the height continuum, probably for reasons of perspective: a unit of standard size (whatever one's standard may be) looks more impressive on someone five foot six than it would on someone six foot five.

Posted by: CGHill at 9:54 AM on 25 October 2003

This reminds me of the old joke about the Russian condom shortage...

Posted by: McGehee at 1:18 PM on 25 October 2003