22 November 2003
Bringing up the rear
The Oklahoma Observer ran this in the 25 November issue, credited to the ever-ubiquitous Anon.; I don't know where it originated, but a test Googling brought up two copies from different states. Make of it what you will.
Reacting to Federal Guidelines, the state of Oklahoma, which has been highlighted as a role model for student testing by the Bush Administration's Dept. of Education, has redesigned and just released a new comprehensive test to be given to ALL of our nation's students beginning in the spring of 2004. In response to President Bush's Federal No Child Left Behind Act, students will have to pass this new test in order to be promoted to the next grade level. In the hopes that it will be uniformly adopted by all the states, thus illuminating Oklahoma to a glorious front runner position in education, it will be called: the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test (FART).
All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be re-tested in grades 3-5 until such a time as they are capable of achieving a FART score of 80%. If a student does not successfully FART by grade 5, that student shall be placed in a separate English program, the Special Mastery Elective for Learning Language, SMELL.
If with this increased SMELL program the student cannot pass the required FART, he or she can graduate to middle school by taking a one-semester course in Comprehensive Reading and Arithmetic Preparation, CRAP.
If by age fourteen the student cannot FART, SMELL or CRAP, he will earn his promotion in an intensive one-week seminar. This is the Preparatory Reading for Unprepared Nationally Exempted Students, PRUNES.
It is the opinion of the Oklahoma Dept. of Public Instruction that an intensive week of PRUNES will enable any student to FART, SMELL or CRAP.
This revised provision of the student-testing component of House Bill 110 should help clear the air.
(May Kimberly Swygert forgive me.)
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