But if you put quotes around it, "i am a schmuck", then you are number one. I always knew you had it in you!

You've lost one on your position. As of this posting, you are at #6.

What kind of world is this when not even schmucks have job security?

Oh, right: they're the only ones who do. My mistake.

"No, I never noticed the color, or whether it had one hump or two. All I know is that it was a male camel"

With as little attention as you paid, how do you know that?"

"Everywhere I went, people said 'look at the big schmuck on the camel!'"