The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

15 February 2004

Inflated claims

It's not just spammers who pass on those weird tales of herbal concoctions that are alleged to increase one's wangage; the questionable products are also occasionally advertised in national magazines. I found one such in the classifieds in Car and Driver, tucked in among sellers of, um, spare and replacement parts.

The stuff in question costs $60 for a month's supply — quantity discounts are available — and in answer to the reasonable question "What the hell is this?" the following is stated:

[name of product withheld] is a powerful natural penis enlargement formula that increases penis size, stronger erections and maintains your sexual virility. We also included some of the same type of herbs found in Polynesia where the men of the Mangaian tribe have sex on the average of 3 times a night, every night. While this is not what you may wish, it is nice to know your sexual performance can improve substantially.

"This is not what you may wish"?

I assure you, the decision is not entirely mine.

And about those Mangaians: I was unable to document that sexual-frequency claim — and, truth be told, if I were similarly busy I wouldn't have time to fill out the damn questionnaire — but I did find this reference:

The Mangaian people...believe that if you don't have sex at least 3 times a day you will go insane.

With that kind of pressure, they're probably enjoying themselves every bit as little as the desperate clod who spends sixty bucks to address the wrong inadequacy.

Posted at 5:34 PM to Dyssynergy