The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

1 May 2004

Cold and calculating

If, like me, you've listened to John Kerry rattle off an endless stream of answers that somehow don't mesh with the actual questions being asked, and wondered "What the hell is this man thinking?" — well, Baldilocks has figured it out:

[I]nstead of answering a given question truthfully and taking the accolades or lumps for that answer, John Kerry attempts to spot-calculate which answer will accrue to him the most votes. He takes a mental poll for everything. So when he gets asked stupid, insignificant crap regarding his/somebody else's medals/ribbons, his mental poll reflex sends out conflicting information at any given time. Why? Times change, and his answers, his truth, must change with them.

And if he does this badly with stupid, insignificant crap, imagine how he'll stumble if he's asked something important. (One question which occurs to me: "How is cutting taxes for me, a low-paid corporate drone, while simultaneously raising taxes on the guy who owns his own business, going to generate one job, let alone ten million?)

The number of votes he will accrue from this household hovers right around zero. Besides:

Doesn't the idea of having a guy like that as president — especially during wartime — just give you a warm fuzzy feeling? Me neither.

At this point, I find myself wishing that Dennis Kucinich (!) had emerged as the Democratic front-runner: he may have barked at the moon once too often, but even when his answers were palpably absurd, you knew he was serious about them, that he believed what he was saying. The only thing John Kerry is serious about is the care and feeding of John Kerry.

(Update, 10 pm: Bruce takes exception to this. In very large print.)

Posted at 10:26 AM to Political Science Fiction


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It's fun to watch the rest of the country discover just what a jello-brain Liveshot Kerry is. And the really fun part is that once he's finally gone down in flames I'll be able to proudly say that both of the wastes of organic material we call Senator around here have been rejected nationally by the American people.

Myria

Posted by: Myria at 10:48 AM on 1 May 2004

Kerry is engaging in the logical fallacy known as 'question as opportunity.' You answer with whatever you want to say without regard to whether or not it answers the question. It seems, though, he does a better job of making it sound like an answer than Frank Keating did when he ran for Governor in 1994. The answer to every question Keating got during the campain was a recitation of his resume.

Posted by: Chris at 12:46 PM on 1 May 2004

Re: "Bruce takes exception..."

Hilarious.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 12:22 PM on 2 May 2004

I forget where I saw it, but someone on the Web characterized Kerry as the Heisenberg candidate: his position changes whenever you try to measure it.

Had this former physicist rolling on the floor, I do declare.

"Heisenberg Was Near Here" -- graffiti found on a Physics Department bathroom wall.

Posted by: Francis W. Porretto at 1:07 PM on 2 May 2004

It's here; I had a link to it on 27 April. Funny stuff, it was.

Posted by: CGHill at 1:31 PM on 2 May 2004