The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

31 May 2004

Holding out for... what?

Francis W. Porretto fells a romantic fantasy with a single bullet:

"The one," or some variation on the theme, is the reason most romances fail. A lot of younger folks carry an idealized picture of romantic bliss in their heads. They insist on comparing their current romance to that picture, and their current beau to the demigoddess of their fantasy. Besides being monstrously unfair to any human lover to do such a thing, it guarantees dissatisfaction from one end of life to the other.

To insist on "the one" is to insist that some real woman mold herself into a reproduction of your fantasies. It's a demand for a golem, not a wife. Every real lover you'll ever have will be irritable, distractable, ornery, perverse, and independent of mind. How could it be otherwise? Other people never live up to our hopes for them. Not even the best of them, and not even when you've made it crystal-clear what you want and expect.

Which is perfectly true, but then he threw this in:

You don't have a lot of time to work. Most of us form our opinions of most of us within the first couple of minutes after being introduced. There's no way to recover from a major blunder committed in that precious opening interval. There's no way to recover if she adjudges you vapid, colorless, or spineless, either.

Mental note: Leave after three minutes. Saves a lot of trouble in the long run.

Posted at 8:00 PM to Table for One

This should be handed to every teenager in America during THE TALK.


Posted by: Rich at 10:35 AM on 1 June 2004

The one works. If it refers to a set of morals/qualities.


Posted by: hln at 12:31 PM on 2 June 2004