The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

6 June 2004

Welcome to Life. Here's your eraser.

I know this feeling — well, some of it, anyway — all too well:

I'd like to remove the entries that refer to men I've dated — to take away nearly every one of them, in fact. It's hard to look at the photos of me happy on the arm of someone special and think about how much I miss that feeling. But I can't do it — at least, not now, when I'm not dating anyone. It's too much like tearing pages out of a diary. More than that, it feels dishonest, even Communist — like rewriting the history books.

There are no entries here which deal with women I've dated, because there are no such women, at least since this site opened in 1996. But there are plenty of items which for one reason or another make me cringe: really badly-argued premises, bathetic whining, desperate attempts at bandwagon-jumping. Were I anxious to make a good impression, I'd scythe away the lot of them.

But I don't. I can't. For better or for worse, this is the document of my existence, the one reference work by which I measure what progress (if any) I have made, and stripping it of things which might embarrass me will inevitably reduce its usefulness in conducting those measurements. Of more than three thousand pages that have accumulated on this site over eight years, I have deleted a total of four, and those four not only had essentially no redeeming social value whatever but could have made life difficult for other people as well.

And if by some fluke I do actually date someone, I'll post about it. Just don't hold your breath waiting.

Posted at 3:51 PM to Blogorrhea

Y'know. Not long before I discovered blogging, it occurred to me that future biographers will have a rough time. As much as all of our transactions are documented (somewhere), there isn't much by way of personality flavor. Writing about Moby Dick in college, I read through hundreds of pages of Melville's personal letters, and sometimes, buried in a laundry list, would be some indication of his personality.

I think blogs will more than answer that gap.

Posted by: Justin Katz at 9:38 PM on 6 June 2004

Why not date Dawn? Or give us gals a little more to go are at least literate. Tell us more about yourself. Maybe one of us will move to be with you!

Posted by: Me at 11:52 PM on 6 June 2004

I can think of no prospect more horrifying than someone moving all the way here — let's face it, I'm a long way from most of the country — just to bask in my presence.

The perfect match, of course, does not exist. There are about half a dozen women in blogdom among those I read regularly who present, at least on screen, a compelling case for themselves. I know of two or three outside the 'sphere who could, I suppose, be considered prospects. And there is my longstanding benchmark, who isn't the perfect match either but who resembles her to a frightening degree, who is for various reasons not considered a prospect.

So it's not like I haven't given the matter any thought. I don't see, however, how my modest complement of simulated virtues can be much of a draw.

Posted by: CGHill at 7:34 AM on 7 June 2004

Doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

Posted by: Me at 7:47 AM on 7 June 2004

> And if by some fluke I do actually date someone, I'll post about it.

You may have just scared off a few with that line.

Posted by: Mike at 4:21 PM on 7 June 2004

Just about everything I do will be offputting to someone.

Posted by: CGHill at 9:34 PM on 7 June 2004

On the other hand, there's always Bruce's list of criteria:

"She was cute, and she brought me beer."

I have something of a weakness for waitresses myself; I actually sort of proposed to one at Famous Dave's in St. Paul, and I'll never know for certain just how much I was joking.

Posted by: CGHill at 11:44 AM on 9 June 2004