The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

6 June 2004

And now they're hooked

Joanne Jacobs points to this story in The New York Times Magazine which details the semi-detached suburban sexual encounters of contemporary teenagers, and there's something vaguely, maybe not so vaguely, impersonal about the entire process:

[I]f you want it to be a hookup relationship, then you don't call the person for anything except plans to hook up. You don't invite them out with you. You don't call just to say hi. You don't confuse the matter. You just keep it purely sexual, and that way people don't have mixed expectations, and no one gets hurt.

I rather think Dawn Eden might disagree with that last bit.

And Dr. Drew Pinsky, he who hosts the "Loveline" show, sees a downside, particularly for girls:

'It's all bravado. Teens are unwittingly swept up in the social mores of the moment, and it's certainly not some alternative they're choosing to keep from getting hurt emotionally. The fact is, girls don't enjoy hookups nearly as much as boys, no matter what they say at the time. They're only doing it because that's what the boys want.''

And what the boys wanted, when I was growing up, could be graphed on a baseball diamond. No more:

''We need to establish an international base system,'' Brian said. ''Because right now, frankly, no one knows what's up with the bases. And that's a problem.''

Jesse nodded in agreement. ''First base is obviously kissing,'' Brian said.

''Obviously,'' Jesse said.

''But here's the twist,'' Brian said. ''Historically, second base was breasts. But I don't think second base is breasts anymore. I think that's just a given part of first base. I mean, how can you make out without copping a feel?''

''True,'' Jesse said. ''And if third base is oral, what's second base?''

''How does this work for girls?'' asked Ashley, the 17-year-old junior. ''I mean, are the bases what's been done to you, or what you've done?''

''If it's what base you've gone to with a girl, you go by whoever had more done,'' Jesse told her.

''But we're girls,'' Ashley said. ''So we've got on bases with guys?''

''Right, but it doesn't matter,'' Jesse said. ''It's not what base you've had done to you, it's what bases you get to.''

Kate shook her head. ''I'm totally lost.''

''See how complicated this is?'' Brian said. ''Now if someone asks you, 'So, how far did you get with her?' you have to say, 'Well, how do your bases go?' ''

I don't know. (Third base.)

Posted at 4:11 PM to Table for One


To heck with bases. I think I would've done better using bowling terminology.

And maybe spraying Lysol in my shoes would have helped too.

Posted by: McGehee at 7:12 PM on 6 June 2004

Charles, you've mentioned--and I think it was on your blog, but it may have been in a personal e-mail (that alone should count as half a base)--that you believe blog entries should frame their links with original content and not merely parrot other blogs' entries. This entry is the finest example of the original-content style that I've seen in a while. And I'm not just saying that because it links to my archives.

Incidentally, the base system seems to have changed since I was a kid--perhaps because, thanks to Madonna and Britney, clothes no longer pose much of a barrier.

Posted by: Dawn Eden at 7:34 PM on 6 June 2004

"All Your Base Are Belong To Us"

Hm.

Posted by: David at 8:36 AM on 7 June 2004

Hmm. It just occurred to me that in bowling terminology "striking out" is a good thing. Dang, I was better at it than I thought!

Posted by: McGehee at 10:12 AM on 7 June 2004