The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

7 June 2004

In the maw of the machine

I knew I was in trouble when I managed to miss completely the third page of disclosures and whatever on the clipboard.

But I put that out of my mind, shed everything metallic, and was duly crammed into the business end of this gargantuan contraption that, had it been colored something other than Industrial Beige, would have fit nicely into an episode of Looney Tunes with music by Raymond Scott.

At first, I shrugged it off. They handed me a pair of headphones, and tuned me into the local classical station, and the processing began.

It did not help that the radio station took this opportunity to introduce us to a Dutch composer about my age who apparently operated under the assumption that the real problem with Schönberg was that he was too goddamn melodic. And I'm lying here on too narrow a slab — yeah, yeah, I know — trying desperately not to twitch while my synapses are playing a suite from Herrmann's score for Psycho.

The station switched to Mozart, and it didn't help. By now my pulse was in triple digits, and I would have been sweating profusely had not every drop of liquid in my body, with the exception of the quart that had mysteriously backed up in the bladder, been diverted to relieving a mouth dry as the Mojave. Four or five or a hundred and twenty passes — who knew? — and I was literally screaming yet somehow still inaudible: "GET ME OUT OF THIS THING!"

In 1985, a petroleum tanker drove over the top of my car. By comparison, I took that calmly.

They say that fear eats the soul. I'd be really surprised if there's enough left for a snack.

Posted at 11:19 AM to General Disinterest


I'm sorry Charles! I assume this was an MRI? e have an open MRI up here in Stepford, er.. Edmond. Of course, your insurance probably doesn't like them.

When I had my MRI, I forgot to take off my wedding ring, so I could feel it being gently tugged toward the machine at every pass.

Weird.

Is all well with you? W

Posted by: Dan at 3:26 PM on 7 June 2004

I am only just now regaining my composure.

It was indeed an MRI, and while I wasn't beset by metals, the pounding on my nerves made me twitchy, which of course makes the examination process more difficult and, at its worst, mandates additional time in the woodchipper machine.

I haven't had an attack like this in about eleven months. And the usual remedy for this sort of thing — a dose of Valium or something similar — is pointless, inasmuch as I'm already taking one of these damnable drugs. They'll have to knock me out with a blunt object to get me into one of those contraptions again.

Posted by: CGHill at 4:34 PM on 7 June 2004

I used to do a lot of work with NMRs (a research MRI) and lost two watches and a stack of credit cards, but at least I didn't have to get into the thing.

I hope everything's okay Charles.

Posted by: Tom at 9:37 PM on 7 June 2004

I have never had an MRI so I can't say I know what if feels like, but I have heard that some people have trouble with it because of the closed in feeling. I'll never find out though. To much internal metal nowdays to go through one.

Posted by: anstranger at 1:28 AM on 8 June 2004

What were you in for?

Posted by: Vickie at 10:15 AM on 8 June 2004

PS What's the status of WTIV?

Posted by: Vickie at 10:16 AM on 8 June 2004

Examination of what's left of my right knee, to see if surgery might be warranted.

World Tour '04 starts 5 July; this year's route is triangular, with the other two vertices at Great Falls, Montana and Fargo, North Dakota.

Posted by: CGHill at 11:01 AM on 8 June 2004

Are you coming out this way? I hear no bash is planned.

Posted by: Vickie at 12:49 PM on 8 June 2004

Not venturing east of the Mississippi this time around. Maybe next year.

Posted by: CGHill at 12:58 PM on 8 June 2004