The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

10 August 2004

Crushing dissent fashionably

Steve Skubinna poses a question to Andrea Harris, and offers some answers:

What kind of footwear do you use when crushing dissent? Hobnailed jackboots are generally de rigueur for us fascists, but they’re so clumsy, as well as noisy. When you did the Goth thing I suppose you wore Doc Martens and they'd crush dissent damn well. A pair of Nancy Sinatra boots made for walkin' would be the obvious choice. Too obvious.

My favorite boots are a pair of Cabela's ultralight kangaroo hiking boots. Best pair I ever had, no break in period, light and flexible. One drawback is they are so light you can't count on their inertia in crushing, you need lots of leg action. I am a swimmer, so no problems there, but it does take it out of you, using the kangaroo boots. After I crush the dissent I like to spray Roundup on the remains just to prevent it sprouting again.

Maybe you ought to consider a pair of those Rosa Krebs stiletto shoes Lotte Lenya used in From Russia With Love? Of course, that’s not so much a crushing action as a stabbing one. "Stabbing dissent" doesn’t have the same ominous ring, but it would make an excellent name for a rock band.

Being something of a traditionalist, I think there's still a place for the jackboot; tried and true, it still packs a wallop, delivering a full measure of imagery with each and every step. Besides, if the future is indeed, as Orwell says, "a boot stomping on a face forever," you can bet it's not an Ugg boot.

That said, should Ann Coulter or Laura Ingraham prefer to crush dissent in strappy sandals, I'm probably the last person in the world to object.

Posted at 7:49 AM to Dyssynergy

I prefer Justin Ropers myself. Granted, there is that breaking-in phase, but they do lend themselves quite well to crushing dissent (and the occasional cockroach.)

Posted by: sheila rene at 1:05 PM on 10 August 2004

It really depends on the texture of the dissent. Hard, crusty or brittle dissent require a hard, heavy sole, while squishy dissent can be crushed in flipflops and the soles thereof hosed off in the yard.

It doesn't happen often, but I sometimes encounter dissent that can safely and hygienically be crushed either barefoot or in sock feet, whichever condition happens to attain at the time.

Posted by: McGehee at 1:06 PM on 10 August 2004

I would imagine that you have to allow for regional variation as well. Cowboy boots for Texas, hiking boots for Colorado and steel-toed Red Wings for the Midwest. Back East they crush the dissent of conservatives with a pair of L. L. Bean Rubber Mocs. Kind of spongy, but they leave a nice chain pattern.

Posted by: Allen at 1:25 PM on 11 August 2004

Of course, in parts of the East conservatives are an endangered species, so a certain amount of caution is demanded when silencing them. :)

Posted by: CGHill at 3:09 PM on 11 August 2004