The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

5 October 2004

From a Tallahassee lassie

If these apply to you, you just might be a Floridian.

  • You exhibit a slight twitch when introduced to anyone with the first names of Charley, Frances, Ivan or Jeanne.

  • Your freezer never has more than $20 worth of food in it at any given time.

  • You're looking at paint swatches for the plywood on your windows to accent the house color.

  • You think of your hall closet/saferoom as "cozy."

  • Your pool is more accurately described as "framed in" than "screened in."

  • Your freezer in the garage now has only homemade ice in it.

  • You no longer worry about relatives visiting during the summer months.

  • You, too, haven't heard back from the insurance adjuster.

  • You now understand what that little "2% hurricane deductible" phrase really means.

  • You're putting together a collage on your driveway of roof shingles from your neighborhood.

  • You were once proud of your 16" electric chainsaw.

  • You now own 5 large ice chests.

  • You recognize people in line at the free ice, gas and plywood locations.

  • You stop what you're doing and clap and wave when you see a convoy of power company trucks come down your street.

  • You're depressed when they don't stop.

  • You have the personal cell phone numbers of the managers for plywood, roofing supplies and generators at Home Depot on your speed dialer.

  • You've spent more than $20 on "tall white kitchen bags" to make your own sand bags.

  • You're considering upgrading your 16" to a 20" chainsaw.

  • You know what "bar chain oil" is.

  • You're thinking of getting your wife the hardhat with the ear protector and face shield for your anniversary.

  • You now think the $6,000 whole house generator seems reasonable.

  • You look forward to discussions about the merits of "cubed, block and dry ice."

  • You ask your family and friends up north to start saving the Sunday Real Estate classifieds.

You know, Tornado Alley doesn't seem so bad all of a sudden.

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