The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

24 October 2004

Make mine vanilla

The very Piquant Sheila admits that, by some people's reckoning, she's not all that spicy after all:

I am Caucasian. Certain parts of my body are so pasty white that I could apply as a stand-in for the Pillsbury Doughboy. I am heterosexual, and I'm sure my husband is quite pleased with that turn of events. I am female, another thing that pleases my husband no end. My lineage isn't chic — half Cajun, part Native American, Irish, and Scottish — which doesn't qualify for affirmative action or government programs. I am not a minority. I am not "oppressed" or maligned. I don't use hyphens to describe myself. I'm not a this or a that American.

Know what that makes me? A plain vanilla milkshake. Not some exotic Starbuck's concoction, which is damned depressing in this climate of whining, gimme gimme gimme Nanny State government. I feel left out.

And that's only the beginning.

Allow me to point out, however, that in the Real World, vanilla is highly prized and very expensive, and that most people settle for an inferior imitation thereof.

Posted at 11:46 AM to Almost Yogurt


I foresee an equity loan, just to cover pecan pies for Thanksgiving...

Posted by: sheila rene at 12:50 PM on 24 October 2004

Hence the rise of marketing "vanilla bean" flavors -- to distinguish from vanilli milli.

Posted by: McGehee at 6:23 AM on 25 October 2004