The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

9 November 2004

It's worse than that: he's not dead, Jim

Dear "Mainstream" Media:

Have you had your fill of wallowing in Arafat yet? This ongoing death-watch of yours has gone beyond tedious, beyond maddening, and is now just a few ticks this side of completely insane. It's bad enough that you've spent the last few years trying to elevate this common terrorist to the level of a World Leader, but now you fawn over him as though his departure were something of a tragedy.

Yeah, yeah, I know: Nobel Peace Prize. Believe me, Yasser Arafat's contributions to world peace are right up there with Jeffrey Dahmer's contributions to nutrition research. If prizes of this sort were required to be based on meritorious service they'd have discontinued the Emmy awards for news two decades ago.

All anyone needs to know is this: first, when he's not only merely dead, he's really most sincerely dead; and second, whether that ragtag collection of street urchins you people have been trying to pass off as a legitimate state is going to take some positive steps toward becoming less of a boil on the world's behind. And being the generous soul I am, I'll answer the second question for you: No.

You complain that the FCC fines you for "indecency." Be grateful they can't fine you for irrelevance.

(Update, 11 November, 4:44 am: He's dead, Jim.)

Posted at 5:27 PM to Outgoing Mail

TrackBack: 10:37 PM, 9 November 2004
» Bring out your dead.. from Dan and Angi Have Something to Say
Fark Reports: Arafat -- who was deathly ill, not deathly ill, in a coma, not in a coma, dead, not dead, brain dead, not brain dead, awake and communicating -- now reportedly dead again But he's not. Actually. Dead. Or......[read more]

You realize, of course, that it's all the fault of that stupid Scott Peterson jury. If they'd simply announce a verdict, then we could move past these annoying world events and focus on something truly important.

It's really too bad the Arafat thing didn't occur during the final week or so of the presidential campaign. Watching the MSM trying to cover that's entertainment!

Posted by: Eric at 6:05 PM on 9 November 2004

Well said, Chaz. BTW, I haven't heard any news about Francisco Franco, but I believe he's still dead.

Posted by: Interested-Participant at 6:29 PM on 9 November 2004

This just in: John Kerry still lost.

Posted by: McGehee at 12:58 PM on 10 November 2004