The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

16 November 2004

Now in the easy-Fallopian pack

Thirtysomething years ago, George Carlin was cracking wise about prescriptions for contraceptives — "You still need a note to get laid" — and hinted that someday The Pill would be sold over the counter, in which case it would need catchy brand names: PregNot, Nary-A-Carry, Fetus Fail, Poppa Stopper, Womb Broom.

What Carlin didn't anticipate was a spray-on contraceptive, now being readied for testing in Australia. Dawn Eden, noting that application of the new product is ostensibly "as easy as putting on perfume," has proposed more appropriate brand names: Eau de Baron, Sans Fruites, Spéede.

But the last word remains Carlin's, for he did come up with the ultimate name for this hormonal spritz: "Inconceivable." I can see the ads (and the obligatory "fragrance" strips) in Harper's Bazaar already.

Still unnamed: an oft-rumored but never-developed male contraceptive, which, in the best American "More power!" tradition, could be called "SeedWhacker."

Posted at 7:32 AM to Life and/or Death


Yet another gratuitous "Princess Bride" reference.

Posted by: McGehee at 8:53 AM on 16 November 2004

As you wish.

Posted by: CGHill at 9:58 AM on 16 November 2004

hmmm ... and the faux version could be marketed to the subscale market as .... hmmm .. let me envision this label .... let's say in the Dollar Store as ... "Stop a Ho" (in little print the caveat: "comparable to Inconceivable") ...

my marketing mind whirls with anticipation ... I guess I envision myself as the the click in the click and clack of retail hucksterism.

Power to the Product!

Posted by: Ron at 2:10 PM on 16 November 2004

I'm still waiting for someone to use "PregNot" and "EmbryoNo."

Posted by: Francis W. Porretto at 4:34 PM on 16 November 2004

I've seen "Womb Forwent" suggested.

There's also "Absorbine Junior" for abortifacients.

Posted by: Joseph Hertzlinger at 5:48 PM on 16 November 2004

Spawn-B-Gone, in the industrial sized can.

Posted by: Marty at 7:27 PM on 16 November 2004