Unresolved questions of 2004

Rich Appel's Hz So Good newsletter (get it from audiot.savant-at-verizon.net) asks the questions no one else dares:

Who's smarter, Smarty Jones or Anna Nicole?
  Um, Smarty by a nose.

Is it true that if you drive cross-country in a car with the new geomapping system, Howard Dean yells out each state as you cross the border?
  Geez, and I complain about having to refold maps.

Now that both Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Green Jeans have left us, who holds the keys to the Treasure House? Bunny Rabbit? Would you trust that manipulative son-of-a-bunny with that kind of real estate?
  Depends. Is he under the influence of Dr Reisman?

If poker's such a big deal on cable, how come there isn’t "Celebrity Crazy 8s" on Nickelodeon?
  Go fish.

If the Steelers go all the way, can someone convince Jennifer Beals to dump water over herself at the Super Bowl?
  Is it too late to offer up a prayer?

If several million folk can donate $1 to cancer research and get (and wear) a silly yellow rubber bracelet, why can't someone bring back Superballs and sell those to raise money for testicular cancer?
  Now that's a nutty notion if ever I heard one.

When the NHL hung it up for the season, did any sports page actually use the headline "Get the Puck Out of Here"?
  Dawn, that's your cue.

Do you think Nicole Richie has ever actually listened to her stepdad's music?
  Is there any evidence she's actually listened to anything?

Is it true there were no bad reviews of Fahrenheit 9/11 because Michael Moore ate them?
  With relish.

If Curt Schilling's favorite band wasn't Blood, Sweat & Tears, shouldn't it be by now?
  I'm assuming this was a Type O.

And there are many, many more, some of which I don't dare answer.

Posted at 3:25 PM to Almost Yogurt