14 February 2005
Love and pain and the whole damned thing
It's things like that which make one realize there are really two universes: The Mainstream Media and Everyone Else.
The mainstream media forces Valentine's Day down our throats, stating quite clearly that unless a single woman has a hot date on this very day of the calendar, she is a pathetic, unattractive git.
In truth, anyone who knows anything about love knows that there is no guarantee that one will meet the right person at any given point in one's life. One may wish to just fool around in the meantime, but Page Six itself shows on a daily basis the toll of such hedonism, spelled out in bitchiness, superficiality, and backbiting, not to mention abortion and sexually transmitted disease.
Thankfully, there is another way, and unless your name is Richard Johnson chances are I don't have to tell you what it is. There are men and women reading this who are dateless today not because they're undesirable, but because they are too wise, deep, and principled to settle for something superficial. Here's to you this Valentine's Day. My heart goes out to you.
Richard Johnson, a name so fraught with phallacy that you'd think it almost has to be a pseudonym, is the editor of Page Six.
(Oh, and if the Post link breaks, as I have a feeling it might, let me know. I have a screenshot.)
(Update, 1:30 pm: Would you believe the Post ran the same piece again, with no substantive changes?)