The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

11 April 2005

The Good (e)Book

Tom Lehrer, when he proposed "The Vatican Rag" as a means of making the Church more "commercial," was kidding. I think.

Meanwhile in England, the Norfolk County Council is revising the syllabus for religious education, and one of their revisions calls for the abandonment of the name "Old Testament" for the first thirty-nine books of Scripture; says the council, it makes this part of the Bible seem out of date.

Of course, the New Testament isn't all that new either, come to think of it, and if you ask me, there's only one way to resolve this issue: with a contest.

Your assignment, should you decide to accept it, is to come up with new names for both Old Testament and New Testament that will pass muster with the likes of the Council without being excessively irreverent or irrelevant. Feel free to request the assistance of the Holy Ghost Spirit. Entries will be taken in Comments through Friday evening.

(Suggested by this Tongue Tied item.)

Posted at 12:01 PM to Immaterial Witness


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I’m too fond of OT to let it go so I suggest Original Testament to replace old. Similarly I like NT too much so how about Next Testament, but that suggests that there could be more than just the 2, so how about Newer Testament, to avoid confusion.

Posted by: Steven Roemerman at 3:06 PM on 11 April 2005

"The Testament Formerly Known as Old"

Posted by: Brett Thomasson at 3:08 PM on 11 April 2005

The easiest would be just call 'em "Part One" and "Part Two". Or perhaps something more "Tolkien-sque" "The Bible: The Lord, The Law, and The Followers" and "The Bible: The Ransom Of The Lamb.


As an aside, Tom Lehrer rocks (rocked?). And the Vatican Rag was actually rather pointed at the (at the time the little ditty came out) recent posturings by the Roman Catholic Church to "modernise" and become more relevant (thank you oh so much Vatican II /sarcasm). Some 40 years later we can see the fruit of this humanistic approach.

Posted by: Guy S. at 3:11 PM on 11 April 2005

Well, with people of unknown religion, I often call the "Old Testament" the "Hebrew Bible," which has the benefit of being both descriptive, inoffensive, and accurate.

For the New Testament, I'd go with "The Christian Testament," "The Chrisitan Testimony," or "The Gospel."

Posted by: Dan at 3:23 PM on 11 April 2005

Well the Jewish faith may take exception to the Roman Catholics calling their Old Testament the “Hebrew Bible,” as it has books in its cannon that the Jewish faith does not recognize.

Posted by: Steven Roemerman at 3:39 PM on 11 April 2005

I guess I'd better sit this one out since,
I hate to brag, I'm sort of an expert on
Tom Lehrer. And I'm sure something funny will be
posted about it soon, if I'm just patient.

Posted by: eulalie at 5:15 PM on 11 April 2005

Bible I: Wrath of the Father

Bible II: Son of---

Aw, skip it.

Posted by: McGehee at 5:16 PM on 11 April 2005

oops! Weren't you the one who posted this?
(see below)

I think she could have tied a lot of these items together into a whole Acts like he/she is still in junior high school category.
Posted by McGehee at 11:07 AM, 10 April 2005

Posted by: eulalie at 5:32 PM on 11 April 2005

What's your point? Or have you appointed yourself my own personal stalker?

Posted by: McGehee at 8:13 PM on 11 April 2005

I say, McG, you shouldn't criticize her for being self-appointed. It is considered gauche for a gentleman to appoint his own stalker.

Posted by: Sean Gleeson at 8:44 PM on 11 April 2005

(dusting off my humor organelles)

Old Testament = Sing It, God!

New Testament = Sing It Again, God, and this time with feeling.

Posted by: Joe Goodwin at 9:37 PM on 11 April 2005

Sean, I've been blogging almost three years now. It's bloody well about time somebody appointed themselves to stalk me. I deserve it!

Posted by: McGehee at 10:47 PM on 11 April 2005

Maybe she's a confused Baltimore Orioles fan. A 5.94 ERA is pretty hard to forgive and forget.

Posted by: Sean Gleeson at 1:36 AM on 12 April 2005

How about:

Testament &
Testament Lite

Posted by: The Prop at 7:17 AM on 12 April 2005

Promise and Fulfillment.

Part It and Walk On It?

Commandments and Amendments?

History and How To?

Posted by: Matt at 5:53 PM on 13 April 2005

Part It and Walk On It?

That one gets my vote.

Posted by: McGehee at 3:16 PM on 14 April 2005

Oh, and ... we don't talk about the Oriole guy at my house.

Posted by: McGehee at 3:17 PM on 14 April 2005