18 April 2005
Lads with fads
Doug Giles lists the telltale signs that you might just be a metrosexual:
- You use more than three words when ordering your Starbuck's,
- You're still into rollerblading,
- You put on cologne to go to the gym,
- You have an Armani Exchange or Banana Republic credit card,
- You Tivo Sex in the City and/or Will and Grace,
- You watch Friends with a note pad,
- You have panic attacks (look, either have a real heart attack or cut the crap. That feeling youíre feeling is not death; itís called responsibility and most everybody feels it. So Ö suck it up, drink a Guinness and get a life),
- You shave any part of your body except your face or skull,
- You buy your shampoo at a salon instead of a grocery store,
- You take more than two, that's two, minutes to fix your hair,
- You think Ben Affleck, Colin Farrell, and Orlando Bloom are really, really good actors,
- You think you have a feminine side to get in touch with, and/or
- You must have Evian and only Evian for hydration.
I might qualify on two of these, maybe. On the other hand, my cutoff point for hair care is a mere forty-five seconds.
The mention of one of those two one I haven't done lately, but no matter about that drew a mild rebuke from Francis W. Porretto:
Mr. Giles, for all his points, must remember something about the "Marlboro Man" persona whose return he celebrates: He does what he damned well pleases. So fewer instructions about where to ply the razor and by implication, where not to would be in order.
At this point, we're bumping right up against the edge of Too Much Information.
Posted at 7:44 AM to Almost Yogurt
TrackBack: 2:59 PM, 24 April 2005
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You buy your shampoo at a salon instead of a grocery store,...
Shampoo's a ripoff. I use Dial soap.
I don't think there's a salon on the planet that sells Dial soap.
Oh, and Francis is right. We don't judge a man on what he does, but on why he does it. I say a man who wears pink and drinks wine coolers is not necessarily a sissy unless he's doing it because it's trendy.
I split the difference. I use Dial Soap for most things, as it were, but I wash my hair, such as it is, with the cheapest (99 cents is the maximum) store shampoo.
I only qualify for four (not counting the "having a feminine side" one).
Yes, I use four words to order at Starbucks - tall skim vanilla latte.
I was NEVER into rollerblading.
I do not put on perfume to go to the gym.
I only have bank credit cards, and I mostly use my debit card to boot.
I do not Tivo Sex in the City or Will and Grace.
I haven't watched Friends in years.
I don't have panic attacks.
Yes, I shave my legs and under my arms. Be happy.
Yes, I buy my shampoo at a salon.
Yes, it takes me longer than two minutes to fix my hair.
I think Colin Farrell is all right. I don't like Ben Affleck at all. Orlando Bloom can't act, but I don't care.
N/A on the feminine side one.
I don't drink Evian.
I only have panic attacks... Ohmygawd, does that make me a metrosexual? Oh God.. Oh God..., what will I do? (*swallows Xanax*)