The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

11 May 2005

Postponed until Boys' Night Out

Defamer reports that the soon-to-be-DVDed Director's Cut of Alexander is eight minutes shorter than the theatrical release.

Why would they do such a thing? To, um, straighten it up, perhaps?

Is Warner Bros. trying to de-gay Alexander for the home video market? We'd really hate to lose some of the interesting moments which explored the young conqueror’s fluid sexuality. Without Anthony Hopkins' revealing voiceover that, "It is said that Alexander was never defeated — except by Hephaiston's thighs, and occasionally by the huge, glistening cock that dangled between them," or the scene where the two fast friends are chased out of the Academy by rock-wielding bullies taunting them as "toga-biters," all [Oliver] Stone really has left is Jared Leto in eyeliner, a couple of elephants, and Rosario Dawson's unexpectedly huge rack. Maybe they think that'll play better in Oklahoma.

Gee, thanks for the cultural stereotype, Bunsen.

Actually, you had us at Rosario Dawson's rack.

Posted at 11:19 AM to Almost Yogurt , Soonerland


You know what would play well in Oklahoma, and the rest of the world for that matter?

A good movie.

Posted by: Dan at 11:42 AM on 11 May 2005

Yeah, but who's gonna force Oliver By-God Stone to make one?

Posted by: CGHill at 11:44 AM on 11 May 2005

Forgive my channelling Manolo of the shoeblog, but, What means this "theatrical release"?

Do "theater" or "box office" and "version" perhaps sound too plebian for a DVD to the shirts over in marketing?

The same movies ARE nonetheless blitz-marketed to us very plebes and to our numerous offspring via product packaging and little plastic go-with figures at our fast food restaurants; on the red or blue soda cans we slurp from on our 10-minute afternoon work breaks; and on our beloved boob-tubes.

Would it be too much to ask to let me see a character in one movie, say Trillian or Arthur Dent, sipping from a soda can with conspicuously displayed Star Wars advertising on it?

That would provoke a hearty theatrical release from me. And just for once, I might approve of product placement adverts.

Posted by: hernesheir at 3:57 PM on 11 May 2005