The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

12 June 2005


While pondering for the nth time my chronic datelessness, I happened upon the greatest personal ad of all time, and it wasn't even a personal. Technically, it was a help-wanted ad, but ... well, read it yourself. The headline was We Need a Girl!

Not just any girl. Not the usual Queen of the Cranberry Festival, but the ONE. A girl you'd climb the fence to get a close-up of. We mean a GIRL! What she must be or have is:

Personality, charm, couth, background, poise, education (why not?), chic, allure, a keen interest in cars and racing, pizazz, duende, vigor, enthusiasm, elegance, blond, brown, white, red (maybe freckles — why not? — we've never had one with freckles) or black hair; she must be loyal, able to talk to the boys in the pits as well as business executives, trustworthy, valiant, emotionally stable, kind, worthy (worthy?), polite, good to her mother, patriotic, single (it's less complicated that way when you're in Florida one day and California the next), compassionate, radiant, serene, sensible (sort of), stalwart, tactful, natural, have a desire to travel, a sense of humor, good health, warmth, personality (we'll say it again), sensitivity, a jet-set figure and sound teeth. The girl selected will become:

Miss Hurst Golden Shifter

She'll be the No. 1 girl in performance circles. She'll appear at all the major racing events. She'll act as hostess at Hurst exhibits and receptions and never, never be bored. It's a full-time job with quite a nice salary.

God knows I could use a little duende around here.

Oh, this ad ran in auto magazines in early 1966, and this is the person selected by Hurst. She'd be about 62 today, and presumably would still meet most of these qualifications easily.

Posted at 12:01 AM to Driver's Seat , Table for One

Charles, I'm not so sure you should desire the attentions of a woman who worked as a "consultant and spokesperson for Prolong Super Lubricants." She might be just a little too fond of, ah, delayed gratification, don't you think?

Posted by: Francis W. Porretto at 5:05 AM on 12 June 2005

Two words: ring job.

Beyond that, deponent saith not.

Posted by: CGHill at 8:40 AM on 12 June 2005

There was one other personal of special merit, and I've seen it attributed to three different publications (Minneapolis City Pages, the Dallas Observer and the Village Voice) which makes me wonder if it's apocryphal, or maybe if two were cribbed from the original one.

Text follows:
"Minimalist seeks woman."

Posted by: CGHill at 11:46 AM on 12 June 2005

Linda Vaughn fueled many an adolescent fantasy for me! I haven't seen many recent pics, but she did seem to still "have it" in newer views.

And my two words: Hot Rod

Posted by: Jeffro at 5:51 PM on 12 June 2005