The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

21 August 2005

Assault with battery

The analysis from Garfield Ridge:

The War? Yup, you guessed it — a rightwing plot. But it's not a plot to raise oil revenues — it's a plot to sell more hybrid cars.

See, the Bush Family made a deal with the Grays: in return for letting the Slender Ones Of Infinite Power mutilate all the cows they can handle, Republicans get alien weapons technology in return. But before they can use this alien technology for its intended purpose — to vaporize small brown children — they naturally have to test it, to see if it works. Hence, they're teaming up with Big Business in order to put this technology into hybrid vehicles, where one day soon all the environmental liberals driving them will be instantly vaporized, killing two birds with one stone: finally proving the weapons work, and incinerating Ed Begley, Jr.

And who among us hasn't wanted to see Ed Begley, Jr. incinerated? Be honest now.

Considering that the back half of a hybrid is in essence a self-contained toxic waste dump, a fact which has largely escaped their clean-and-green cheerleaders in the media — well, after a while you start to wonder.

(Courtesy of Rita.)

Posted at 9:53 AM to Driver's Seat , Political Science Fiction


All I know is, when I compared the gas mileage a Toyota Echo got to that of the Prius, it came out more or less the same, making the extra $12000 or so that the Prius cost not exactly worth it. Also it doesn't surprise me that the enviroheads behind the pushing of the hybrids are actually promoting something that will make more toxic waste in the long run. It's not that they're part of a giant conspiracy to destroy the auto industry (and then the entire industrial infrastructure so that civilization collapses and the remnants of humanity can go back to living in Rousseau's verdant paradise) that they are ignorant of the way things like fuel pumps and batteries work. All they know about gas is that it smells bad, and all they know about batteries is that they are neat little colorful tubes that make their Walkmans work. So the next step in their thought process is naturally "hey, why can't cars run on nice clean batteries instead of horrid smelly gas?" They also have no idea where electricity comes from: they seem to think it comes from the air, or from a big underground pool of raw electricity.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 11:42 AM on 21 August 2005

Mucho gracias for the link.

I'll burn a gallon or ten of gasoline in your honor.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at 11:43 PM on 21 August 2005

Thanks for the link!

A Prius is just a Rube Goldberg machine on wheels. If they really wanted to conserve energy, they'd walk.

Posted by: rita at 6:06 AM on 22 August 2005

Well, "toxic waste dump" is a bit harsh, given the recycling possibilities, but the rest of the indictment fits.

Mired as I am in the throes of new car shopping I am inclined to go for the lightest, nimblest and therefore most fuel efficient conventional vehicle. The Matrix/Vibe seems to us to be the best combo of price (we've been offered an '05 at under $20k), fuel economy (average around 28 mpg) and carrying capacity (small wagon w/fold-down seats).

In comparison, the Ford Escape hybrid we looked at was $10K more, same milage and about 20% more cargo room. For $10K I can rent a lot of pick-ups and vans from Enterprise. Not to mention that there has been exactly 1 (one) occasion over the last 12 months when I could not fit what I wanted to carry into our Mini Cooper -- and that includes guitars and amps.

FWIW, my 2 cents.

Posted by: The Prop at 12:55 PM on 22 August 2005