The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

21 August 2005

He's just not that into ... something

This particular Ask MetaFilter thread (observed at Plep) gave me pause. Here's the opening:

So this guy I have a thing for, but who lives on the other side of the country, is coming to visit and will stay with me for one night. I've had the hots for him since the moment I met him a few years ago. A friend who has seen us together said she definitely detected two-way sparks. Here's the problem: he never makes any sort of move and neither do I, being very insecure. (I'm cute but 30 pounds overweight.) The last time I saw him, he walked me home after dinner and I invited him up (which is as forward as I get and really, can that be taken any other way?) but he declined. Obviously, the likely answer is that he isn't attracted to me. But I can't understand why such a smart, funny and hot straight 40-year-old guy is single in the first place. Could he just be hopeless around women? Here's my shot to find out for good and all. What do I do? The idea is he will sleep in the living room but I want him in my bed. Yet, I don't want to throw myself at him and be rejected and make the rest of the night painfully embarrassing for both of us. I was thinking of asking him flat out over drinks why such an attractive man is single. Is that a direct enough message? How can I make it plain that I'm hot to trot while protecting both of us from embarrassment if the feeling isn't mutual?

(No, this has nothing to do with me. I'm way over 40 and decidedly unappealing, and the odds that anyone would have the hots for me are essentially nil. I will, however, cop to "hopeless around women.")

You probably should read the entire thread. (And if you do, you'll learn how it turned out, or more precisely didn't, turn out.) I'm bringing it up here, though, for the same reason I introduce a lot of stuff here: just to see what kind of responses it brings.

Posted at 2:57 PM to Table for One


He is obviously not into her. Why would she even bother trying to get intimate with him knowing that nothing can possibly come of it since he lives across the country? She's setting herself up for heartbreak. The other thing that bothers me is that he is using her to get a free room for the night. C'mon guy, pony up for a night at the Comfort Inn.

Posted by: Donna at 10:00 PM on 21 August 2005

This woman should stop being in love with the unattainable. In my experience, men go for what they want, regardless of being "hopeless," etc.

If two people have a mutual desire, it will happen. You can't manipulate someone into your bed.

BTW, being overweight doesn't matter. Plenty of people who don't look perfect have a significant other.

Posted by: Miriam Sawyer at 7:42 AM on 22 August 2005

wait til your married

Posted by: paulsmos at 9:10 AM on 22 August 2005