The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

25 August 2005

Not a duck, but just as lame

Now here's a scary premise, courtesy of New World Man:

By some bizarre set of circumstances, you are the president as of now. Name the first 5 things you'd do.

Apart from putting Condi's home phone on speed-dial? Let's see:

  1. Offer the United Nations $3 billion a year in perpetuity to move to some place like Chad and stay there.

  2. Push for legislation — a Constitutional amendment, if necessary — that would require that a minimum of two old laws be scrapped for every new one passed.

  3. Find a useful job for the nation's Drug Czar. (How about guarding the borders? God knows not enough of that is getting done.)

  4. Appoint Jeff Goldstein to the position of White House Press Secretary.

  5. Drive up to Cindy Sheehan and wave.

And after all this strenuous work, I'll need a vacation.

Posted at 5:46 AM to Screaming Memes


On #5, how many fingers would you wave with?

Posted by: Dwayne "the canoe guy" at 11:46 AM on 25 August 2005

On #1, offer 'em that money as a one-time payment and set 'em up on Bikini Atoll (or some place similar) the day before a test.....

Posted by: unimpressed at 2:40 PM on 25 August 2005