The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

28 August 2005

Do I look like freaking Jeeves?

Today's log is even more full of questions than usual, and being the generous soul I am, I figured the least I could do is tackle some of them head-on. Every last one of these was a search-engine request that, reports SiteMeter, led to a page at this very domain.

Q.  How do I activate my new Capital One card?

A.  Call the number on the sticker. Surely you've seen it; it covers roughly one-third of the card's surface.

Q.  How important is NHS membership in college applications?

A.  It's a relatively minor criterion, since one does not get into the National Honor Society without meeting a specific grade standard, and they've presumably already looked at your grades.

Q.  If you get a [sic] eviction notice and then you pay all your rent what happens [in] Indiana?

A.  The landlord must file, concurrent with the notice, a complaint, usually with small-claims court; normally it will be dismissed if the rent due plus court costs and such are paid before the hearing date. (Keep in mind that I am not a lawyer and have never practiced anything other than self-denial in Indiana and if you take this as legal advice you are a bonehead.)

Q.  What is the most disgusting thing in nature?

A.  Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts.

Q.  Will you love me tomorrow?

A.  What's today?

Q.  Is my transmission the problem?

A.  First, check your dipstick.

Q.  What is normal penis length?

A.  First, check your dipstick.

All this in less than 24 hours. (And people say they want more Web traffic.)

Posted at 4:18 PM to You Asked For It

As someone plagued with gophers, I can assure you that seeing their guts - no matter the color - is not so bad.

Posted by: MikeH at 4:44 PM on 28 August 2005

How's the grime level?

(And where's Carl Spackler when you need him?)

Posted by: CGHill at 6:35 PM on 28 August 2005