The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

16 September 2005

Tom Coburn: Master Psychic

From the John Roberts confirmation hearings, Dr Coburn speaks:

As you have been before our committee, I've tried to use my medical skills of observation of body language to ascertain your uncomfortableness and ill at ease with questions and responses.

And I've honed that over about 23, 24 years. And the other thing that I believe is integrity is at the basis of what we want in judges.

And I will tell you that I am very pleased, both in my observational capabilities as a physician to know that your answers have been honest and forthright as I watch the rest of your body respond to the stress that you're under. But I'm also pleased with our president that he's had the wisdom to pick somebody of such stature and such integrity.

The PoliBlogger has seen this sort of statement before:

This is the kind of dialog (or, monologue, as the case may be) that one expects from a bad comic book ("You see, Lois, using my super-vision and super-hearing I can tell if the criminal is telling the truth by monitoring his heart rate and other vital signs").

Really, if he is that talented, he is wasting his skills as a US Senator. He should be on the border somewhere asking people if they are terrorists or if they have drugs in their car.

Better yet, we could clone him.

Posted at 3:39 PM to Political Science Fiction


"...must...press...the stupid statement generator...off."

"Surely the president must have seen when he looked into your eyes the trustworthiness that you so exude."

"...oh wait..must...press...incredible presidential suck up machine...off"

"Ahem...thank you for your time, Judge Roberts."

Posted by: Rick at 4:12 PM on 16 September 2005

Being from Oklahoma and having lived in Texas for a long time this helps prove my theory:

Oklahoma and its politics are just as freaking nuts as Texas. What causes some of these elected people to open their mouths when silence would be twice as effective?

..my medical skills of observation of body language to ascertain your uncomfortableness and ill at ease with questions and responses.
And I've honed that over about 23, 24 years...
And I will tell you that I am very pleased, both in my observational capabilities as a physician to know that your answers have been honest and forthright as I watch the rest of your body ....

Then the omnipotent Dr. Okie-san-Sen. says, "Now how would you like your diagnoses as I wield my super-powers to fix the nation and advise the OU team on how to call the next play."

With this kind of help how can we ever fail?

Posted by: Okie in Dallas at 5:29 PM on 16 September 2005