The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

25 September 2005

Something bluer

I wrote this three years ago:

The next office over has a couple of Authentic Beauties. I, of course, strive to avoid them, simply as a matter of maintaining equilibrium; I'll toss out an occasional flip remark, but it never goes beyond that.

Yesterday, one of them (the younger) was sporting an engagement ring. "It's about time," I said. Certainly she thought so; they'd been dating seemingly forever.

And for some reason, this stung me, and I can't come up with any justification for it. I'd never even considered her as a potential companion — she's gorgeous, and she's fairly bright, but she's half my age (more or less literally) and we wouldn't have a whole lot to talk about — so it shouldn't matter if she goes into the Permanently Unavailable file. Yet somehow I mourn, even as I wish her great heaping gobs of happiness, and I mutter deep, dark curses against the person who causes me all this heartbreak.

Which is, of course, myself.

I bring this up because the older of the two got married yesterday — I reported on her engagement here (second paragraph) — and I went to considerable effort during those twenty-four hours to avoid thinking about it, but obviously the reaction won't stay in its cage where it belongs.

I'm thinking I can hold out until the actual wedding photos show up, after which I will probably lose it. (She looks wonderful in pastels.)

Posted at 9:42 AM to Table for One


Unlike a lot of guys, at least you're candid about the real source of the problem. I've also learned that women will respond to a certain assertiveness within a man, that he wants her and can look out for her and so on. We tell ourselves we don't have enough money or we're not physically attractive enough or whatever, but there are enough women who will respond to a passion inside a man that all the rest doesn't matter much. Conversely, there's something animal-sexy about some women that does not show up in a photo. It's in the eyes and attitude.

On both sides, it takes a certain courage to pursue what we want. Hey, not like I haven't learned everything the hard way.

Posted by: Mr. Snitch! at 6:21 PM on 25 September 2005