The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

18 October 2005

Which goes on my permanent record, surely

Following Julie Neidlinger's lead, a list of Ten Sort Of Vaguely Unclean Secrets:

  1. There is a product called MICR-Shield which dissolves the magnetic encoding imprinted on checks during the processing stage. Nasty stuff. In an office prank, I once feigned drinking an entire 6-ounce bottle of it.

  2. I spanked my daughter once. I think I cried for longer than she did.

  3. During the days when I had occasion to drive through the Mojave Desert, I carried extra jugs of engine coolant, and occasionally sold them to stranded motorists at a profit.

  4. I had a heck of a lot more sex before the vasectomy than afterwards.

  5. Only once did I ever try to ice-skate: in a parking lot in central Massachusetts in mid-January. The results — well, I'm grateful they didn't have mass-market portable video in those days.

  6. I once was a bowling-league secretary, and put my own name in for the Least-Improved trophy.

  7. When I was six, two of us first-grade boys had crushes on the same blonde girl; I was actually fool enough to propose a time-sharing plan.

  8. For some reason, I got it into my head that the sexiest possible female foot has a second toe longer than the big one. I say "for some reason" because I have no idea where the idea came from, and because I've never dated anyone meeting that description.

  9. I scored a couple of detentions for possession of a dummy grenade in Latin class.

  10. My ex once hosed me down with Malathion. She swears it was an accident. All I know is that I've never had any problem with Mediterranean fruit flies.

Feel free to go and do likewise. Post a list, I mean.

Posted at 6:24 AM to Screaming Memes

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Via Dustbury, Ten Vaguely Unclean Secrets About Me. 1. I once made hot chocolate come out of Robert Sean Leonard's nose. At the time he was Bobby Leonard, and I was an 8-year old smartass in Ridgewood, New Jersey. ...[read more]