24 October 2005
Equal time, so to speak
Last fall, ABC News put out a poll purporting to show "surprising new findings" about American sexual attitudes, including a sidebar to the effect that Republicans were more satisfied with their sex lives than Democrats. I responded with the top 10 reasons why.
This is not to say, of course, that Democrats take this sort of thing lying down, and last week at the Funniest Celebrity in Washington Contest, Rep. Linda Sanchez (D-CA) pointed out that "all the Republicans who hit on me are married and all the Democrats who hit on me are gay."
But she won't date a Republican anyway, and here are the top 10 reasons why:
10. The only time they believe in fiscal restraint is when the dinner bill comes.
9. His idea of getting to second base is fondling my stock portfolio.
8. He thinks that Emily's List is a call girl service.
7. His idea of oral stimulation is getting me to recite the Contract with America.
6. He thinks that white pantyhose and pearls are sexy and you should see what he wants me to wear.
5. Because when Republicans say that they want to create opportunities for minorities, that means they want to date me and [her sister] Loretta.
4. Despite all the hype, I still can't find his weapon of mass destruction.
3. His pending prison term for political corruption is just another excuse for him to be emotionally unavailable.
2. Republicans are only interested in screwing the poor.
1. Because they make love like they make war: they lie to get in and don't have a plan for what to do once they get there.
(Disclosure: I'm not dating anyone. If this is a surprise to you, you must be new here.)