The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

4 November 2005

One Cingular sensation

Well, maybe not one, technically. Anyway, this is why Wendy keeps her cell phone tucked away neatly in the balcony:

It is a handy place: one that you can easily reach (well, not you you, because that would be creepy) and just a tidier place for personal storage than jeans pockets or a purse. When folded, my phone has a fantastically streamlined, slippery outer shell that allows it to hurtle through space into other dimensions; there are portals to other worlds located in my purse and under the drivers seat in my car, and my phone is always in danger of slipping through them and winding up in the hands of the White Witch of Narnia, but as long as my phone is safely hidden away in the hills, I worry much less.

Which makes perfect sense, if you think about it. (And it wouldn't apply to my rather lumpy Nokia phone, even if I had a place like this to put it, which I don't.)

Also? I never miss a call this way. Even when I'm somewhere noisy or crowded I know when I'm getting a call. I'd tell you how but some of you might feel this is too much information.

I guess some people are horrified by this, but it's just a bra. It's just a bosom. Ever since I've owned one I've been heartily encouraged to show it off and yet I'm not allowed to keep stuff in it? Not fair, I say. So enough with your silly double standards about female support garments, and don't give me that look when I take a call. Let us be, me and my phone and its cozy mountain home. Thank you.

No, I don't have her number. Why would you even ask such a thing?

Addendum, 12 November, 11 am: Jan the Happy Homemaker says that this works pretty well, sort of:

I keep mine right where the strap meets the cup and it is easy to find at all times. Discreet even. But as proud as I have been about not having to "fish" around for my phone, it never occurred to me that the phone could, well, fall into the toilet.

I was pretty good at geometry, but evidently not this good.

Posted at 2:37 PM to Dyssynergy

TrackBack: 9:37 PM, 9 November 2005
» CUPS RINGETH OVER from Population Statistic
As a matter of practicality, it makes perfect sense for a woman to keep her wireless phone stashed in her bra (assuming, as I am, that there’s ample room there). It is one less thing to clutter a purse, after all. And there’s little chance......[read more]

Purses having portals to other worlds? Echoes rather tellingly that post @ Rachel about handbags...

Thank you for that find, Chaz, it was much needed today. (commenters are not less hilarious, I'd say, than the original post)

Posted by: Tatyana at 3:43 PM on 4 November 2005

It is a handy place: one that you can easily reach (well, not you you, because that would be creepy)

I do believe she's going to come over here and smack my hand just for thinking what I was thinking.

Posted by: McGehee at 6:52 PM on 4 November 2005

Cell phones, lip gloss and a spare key. Oh yes, why would anyone carry a purse?

Is this news? I learned the trick from my grandmother back in the 70s!

Posted by: Jan at 9:47 PM on 5 November 2005

Don't have her number? Well, time to war-dial ...

Posted by: Mel at 10:18 PM on 5 November 2005