The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

2 December 2005

Such a deal, I tell you

I usually send the junk mail to the nearest trash bag — if it's a credit-card solicitation or something similar I do some physical damage to it first — but this one, with "Second Request" in its own envelope window, looked like a promising prospect for mockery.

First paragraph:

Your current mortgage of [fairly accurate estimate of amount owing] on your property located at [address redacted] may be at risk of prime rate increases that could be devastating to your bottom line.

Third paragraph:

Example: With a first mortgage of [fairly accurate estimate of amount owing] and revolving debt up to [fairly accurate estimate of amount owing], you could have one new low monthly payment of [utterly implausible figure]. This is an adjustable rate mortgage, but you don't have to worry.

Emphasis added.

That turnip truck that just rounded the corner? Someone may have fallen off of it, but not I.

Posted at 5:19 PM to Say What?

The only thing I believe is devastating to my bottom line is that stash of fucking Reese peanut butter cups that is still lingering from Halloween.

Posted by: vickie at 5:25 AM on 3 December 2005

Yeah, well. When we were young our chests were full and our hopes high. As time wore on things readjusted themselves.

Posted by: opit at 4:59 PM on 3 December 2005