The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

23 December 2005

She's just not that into you

Been here, seen some of this:

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

(Via Scipio by way of Chris Lawrence.)

Posted at 12:24 PM to Table for One


There's one little difference between not being hired and not being able to get a woman to have sex with you: usually the job you were not hired for was not one where you got to put your penis inside a woman's vagina.

Men do seem to forget that little male/female difference, but it's crucial. Sorry to break into the pity party, but the nastiness from men who are offended because "she won't have sex with me, she only wants to be friends" really irritates me.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 8:37 PM on 23 December 2005

I believe this is the reason for that qualifier "roughly."

(Are there jobs like that? I never see any of them in the classifieds.)

Posted by: CGHill at 8:43 PM on 23 December 2005

Want you to know that I had a terrific comment for this post, but now I think it's better left unsaid.


Yes. Definitely better.

Posted by: Mister Snitch! at 12:55 AM on 24 December 2005

Did it involve, um, unionization?

Posted by: CGHill at 9:04 AM on 24 December 2005

I had a conversation like this not long ago, where I was not the guy seeking the job nor the one being offered it. The young woman was describing how some young fellow was seeking her advice in a way that made her uncomfortable; she mentioned pointedly that she had a companion yet the lad persisted in making her uncomfortable.

I laid it out to her. IMO, men do not become 'friends' with women that often. I submit we ain't wired that way. Too bad, so sad. In a way, I agree with Andrea above, but I don't see the nastiness of it that she seems to. Nothing to apologize for.

Women who want as friends men who are witty, engaging, equally successful and comfortable in their own skins . . . are kidding themselves. If it happens it brings either romance or tragedy, often both. Don't blame it on my Y chromo, sister.

Posted by: Fûz at 9:54 PM on 28 December 2005