The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

31 December 2005

Some lube for that slippery slope

Andrea Harris predicts Drumstick Mountain:

If I were gay I'd be insulted by the schmaltzy strings and gloppy voiceovers emitting ridiculously fulsome praise of this film (Heath Ledger is better — at everything — than Jesus!, and it's going to get every prize in the universe including the Nobel Peace Prize and the Proxima Centauri Gamma Irridium Star of Intra-Galactic Excellence). Then again, I still think of gay people as examples of wit, charm, and fashion, but that apparently hasn't been true since Noel Coward died. Gays are now Just Folks, and are expected to tear up and reach for the hanky when one male movie actor makes googoo eyes at another male movie actor as the violins swell, just the way 99% of my sex does when they watch pinky goo crap like Bridges of Madison County. The only thing keeping pedophiles from getting this treatment is the Catholic priest scandal; when the church gets rid of the teen-altar-boy robe-lifters in its ranks I wouldn't be surprised if the next Hollywood "art" blockbuster will feature the doomed romance of a middle-aged adult with a preteen (or younger?) child. Or maybe they’ll tackle incest first, who knows? We're running out of things to do with our genitals, so I can only hope they'll stop before they get to the insertion of inanimate objects, or man-chicken relations. Don't believe me? Then you haven’t been paying attention for the last thirty years.

This particularly fowl act has already been filmed, by John Waters in Pink Flamingos way back in 1972. (The poor bird is subsequently killed and eaten.)

Come to think of it, there's also an incest scene: son gets hummer from mom. (This is well after he's done the chicken.)

This leaves February/December romances. (Nicole Kidman insists that there was nothing sexual about that bathtub scene with a 10-year-old boy in Birth.) Oh, and "inanimate objects," though there's been enough wooden acting in the last couple of decades to make that moot.

Posted at 9:26 PM to Almost Yogurt


Yeah, but the John Waters movie wasn't pushed as a mainstream Hollywood blockbuster (whatever happened to Divine's Oscar nomination?). And as for the stage musical, that's hardly mainstream these days.

I've been lying here watching HGTV, and they've been showing the trailer for BBM at almost every break now. Did you know that if you don't watch the movie you won't be part of a historical, groundbreaking moment, and risk never seeing Heath Ledger's "revolutionary" performance? If I were a gambling woman I'd wager real money the film ends up part of the standard social studies curriculum in high schools across the nation.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 10:21 PM on 31 December 2005

I should say, the musical mentioned in this comment.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 10:24 PM on 31 December 2005

On the other hand, having filmed all that stuff didn't relegate Waters to the, um, backwaters forever; by now he's considered No Weirder Than Woody Allen.

Posted by: CGHill at 8:35 AM on 1 January 2006

I think the thing that is keeping the pedophilia and bestiality films, etc, at bay is simply the fact they are illegal acts and the lack of consensuality is readily apparent within those acts. Homosexuality was also illegal for a long time but not because of the lack of consensual behavior but rather because of imposed religiously inspired moral constraints. The consensual nature of homosexual behavior within the construct of "adulthood" sets it apart from the pedophilic acts since the latter has in most cases has a lopsided power construct with the older individual taking advantage of the underdeveloped psyche and confusion of youth for their own personally greedy purposes. As for the bestial acts ... hell I don't even want to understand what drives that.

I must agree with Andrea that in any event the BBM film is being overhyped ... you can see the same thing at any gay cowboy bar on a Saturday night ... does it need to go to the silver screen?

Posted by: Ron at 1:18 PM on 1 January 2006

At least some people are going to read this and think:

"They have gay cowboy bars?"

Posted by: CGHill at 1:21 PM on 1 January 2006

Yep...they sure do ... AND believe it or not there is a Gay Rodeo Association ... with local and nationwide chapters.

Life is sure interesting.

Posted by: Ron at 1:28 PM on 1 January 2006

One thing that kinda got me about the movie was also the fact it's kinda marketed like they ARE "real" cowboys when in reality they are sheep herders .... man does that open itself up for some cliche's .... LOL

Posted by: Ron at 1:31 PM on 1 January 2006

Well, I don't think any movie "needs" to be made, so whether or not anything needs to be on screen isn't really relevant. The problem I am having is that I think is that this story is really rather too slight for the blockbuster movie treatment, which is why the bombastic ad campaign just looks embarrassing. The ad campaign for, say, the Lord of the Rings movies were just as bombastic, maybe, but at least the material warranted the Sturm und Drang, if not the hype.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 2:29 PM on 1 January 2006

The trailer for this didn't strike me as being particularly bombastic, but then I saw it many months ago. What with Oscar® buzz and all, they may well have decided to go for a harder sell; it wouldn't be the first time Hollywood changed an ad campaign in mid-release.

Posted by: CGHill at 2:42 PM on 1 January 2006

Oh, you haven't seen the new trailers. Believe me, the bombast is up to eleven. I didn't make up words like "ground-breaking," "historical," and "revolutionary." The critics quoted licked the film so hard they've left visible drool marks. Gay is the new African-American.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 3:01 PM on 1 January 2006

Focus Features' Web site, at least, is still showing the original theatrical trailer, but they've hyped up the text surrounding it.

PunditGuy notes:

The film's distributor, Focus Features, knows where they make their money. They make it from "joe public", the every day types who like to head out to the theatre on weekends. Focus understands that while a certain segment of the viewing public is pro-gay, a larger majority isn't, and they won't go to see Brokeback Mountain because it helps homosexual advocacy groups. The larger majority will see the movie if it is entertaining and well made.

And if it can be sold to them as a Sweeping Hollywood Epic.

Posted by: CGHill at 3:28 PM on 1 January 2006

Have nothing to say pro/con the BBM: I usually avoid the high of the hype and see the object of speculations months after, if it still holds. 90% of the time it isn't, so my movie consumption is streaming to 0.

As to Ron's puzzlement with motivation behind bestiality: what if it's LOVE?

Posted by: Tatyana at 4:49 PM on 1 January 2006

Faggots!

Posted by: paulsmos at 6:46 PM on 1 January 2006

Well, it hasn't opened here yet, and won't until Friday.

Posted by: CGHill at 8:07 PM on 1 January 2006

Yep...they sure do ... AND believe it or not there is a Gay Rodeo Association ... with local and nationwide chapters.

And there used to be a "Great Gay Rodeo" not 50 miles from where I live.

And at the risk of breaking backs -- er, I mean hearts -- I'll add that the rodeo is named for the town in which it was located: Gay, Georgia. Now its major civic event is the twice-yearly Cotton-Pickin' Fair. Can't imagine why they stopped hosting the rodeo.

Posted by: McGehee at 8:19 PM on 1 January 2006