The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

18 February 2006

No, you can't have this

I once got carded for buying spray paint, and while I suppose I should consider myself flattered that anyone thought I was underage — I was in my forties, fercryingoutloud — I have to assume that in the eyes of at least one store clerk I looked like someone who, somehow deprived of socially-acceptable highs, would resort to huffing Krylon for a buzz.

I haven't bought any since, so I don't know if it's now kept behind the counter along with all the semi-effective cold remedies, but I'm guessing that it's just a matter of time:

Next we'll be charging kids as felons for carrying sugar. Oh wait, did that. Yes a sixth grader had powdered sugar and was charged with a felony for possessing a "look-alike drug".

Funny, I could have been charged for this same thing when I was sixteen, except that it was cornstarch. I had cornstarch in a ziplock bag with me at high school for nearly two weeks. I even shared it with my friends.

Football off-season weight lifting ... and we were out of chalk. Not so bad if you were one of the weaker guys, but I was lifting over 500 pounds in the dead lift. Having your grip slip might mean torn muscles or broken bones. I figured out that cornstarch worked OK. Today Id get thrown in jail for it.

Sugar and cornstarch go behind the counters too. As a matter of fact, if something can be abused in any way or if it even looks like something that can be abused, then someone somewhere wants it behind the counter.

So far, no one has resorted to hiding the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Yet.

Posted at 9:25 PM to Dyssynergy


Maybe they should just put the counter in front of the store. "Sorry, no one can just go in and pick out what they want, due to some kids who tried making crystal meth out of stale Ho Hos and a jar of nail polish. You have to give us your shopping list and two photo IDs, and we'll go get your groceries for you. Also you have to be over 67 years old."

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 10:03 PM on 18 February 2006

Isn't that how grocery stores used to be? You would walk in & ask the clerk to fill your handbasket with stuff until some smart guy in OKC came up with the shopping cart. THAT certainly opened Pandora's box (or at least her spray can)

Posted by: Dwayne "the canoe guy" at 8:28 AM on 19 February 2006

What next will they put nutritionist freaks at the stores and force the kids to only buy healthy stuff? why dont the wheat germ inhaling health freaks just get lost

Posted by: spurwing plover at 10:52 AM on 20 February 2006