With the recent theft of Johnny Damon, I really had to sit down to ponder which Red Sox I would genuinely have sexual encounters with. I mean, obviously, Johnny was number one. There isn't a repressed housewife on the East Coast that wouldn't do him. He’s the Joe Namath of baseball. I mean, c'mon, he has twins. TWINS! How freakin cute is that?

But, now that Mr. Damon has switched over to the dark side ... I've taken a long hard (pun intended) look at the Boston roster and revised my list.

Trot Nixon hit the only grand slam I've ever seen in person. I would do him solely on that. Plus, his name is "Trot." Done and done.