The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

28 March 2006

And for God's sake, don't exhale

Forget the white wedding. Today, it must be green:

Your wedding is one of the most important days of your life, but scratch beneath the glossy surface and it's immediately apparent that it also causes substantial environmental damage.

According to Climate Care, an organisation that offsets harmful carbon dioxide emissions, the average wedding emits around 14.5 tons of CO2, markedly more than the 12 tons emitted by the average person during a whole year.

This suggests that you can offset fully 83 percent of the CO2 from your ceremony simply by killing someone. I recommend, as a matter of common courtesy, that it be someone not on the guest list.

(Via Tinkerty Tonk.)

Posted at 10:20 AM to Dyssynergy

Many of the "green" tips are not about reducing CO2 at all, but rather about other, vegan-related concerns. The "peace silk," for instance, is just a silkworm coccoon that's simmered in soapy water after the moth hatches instead of before. This spares the worm's life, but uses just as much water and energy, maybe more.

And the bit about choosing a wine with genuine, virgin cork! Ironic, or what? They're actually admitting that forestry is good for the environment! I never thought I'd see them acknowledge that the commercial exploitation of natural resources guarantees responsible conservation of those same resources. But, there it is.

Posted by: Sean Gleeson at 1:58 PM on 28 March 2006

If you do kill a wedding guest, it should be after you've received the gift. This is helpful because you don't have to send a C02-consuming thank you note. Especially if you didn't like the gift.

Posted by: Rachel at 3:28 PM on 28 March 2006